I’ll Take My Coffee With Cream, Not Pity

By

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May 18, 2017

Take a breath and imagine the following scenario as if you are one of the parents.

You are at an event with a ton of kids. Your best mama friends are there, it’s early, and you all have a steaming coffee in your hands. It’s a sunny, early Spring day and your kids are playing with your friend’s kids. The littles are having an absolute blast as they giggle and play with rocks. You and your friends are laughing, relaxing, and enjoying the luxury of adult company during a few moments of bliss where all your little ones are content and entertained. Your fellow adult types and you are laughing away at the latest story one of you is sharing when someone interrupts you.

Another mom, sobbing so much she can barely speak, walks up and says,

This is so sad. I just don’t know how you all do it. How do you cope? I am so sorry!

The part of this story that I left out is that all the women enjoying life and sipping coffee just so happen to all have children with Down syndrome. They were at a charity event raising money for (insert name here), and this actually happened. My friend Christine and her beautiful, healthy, happy, brilliant little girl Emma were there. Christine was one of the happy, content mamas enjoying her coffee and Emma was one of the giggling kiddos playing with rocks.

I wish I could write this instance off as just one person who acted inappropriately, but I can’t. As a mama to a handsome little dude with Down syndrome, I know this situation to be a regular happening all too well.

It happens at the doctor’s office in the eyes of fellow parents tearing up as they look at my son.

It happens at the grocery store when I’m doing everything in my power to keep my kids entertained so they don’t have a complete meltdown before I get through most of my list, and the cashier suddenly asks, “Did you know when you were pregnant? Oh my God, you did? Why did you decide to keep him?”

It happens every single time someone at any random place says, “I’m so sorry!”

I get it. I remember what life was like three and a half years ago before having a child with special needs. I remember not knowing what to say in awkward situations. I remember not getting it, and I understand being in that situation. What I don’t understand is how you can miss the good. I don’t understand how someone can completely miss the beauty in a simple moment of calm and decide these people need to be pitied. That these people are living unbearable lives.

We are NOT pity cases. Friends, we are “The Lucky Few.” We are the parents who get a rare glimpse into how much beauty comes from adversity. We are the parents who have the honor to parent a child that shows us the beauty in being different. We are the parents that understand the value of a milestone. We are the parents that get a rare opportunity to see the world through the eyes of someone with a disability. While this might sound like something to be pitied to you, for us it is the greatest gift we have ever been given. For us, having a child with a disability is the greatest blessing we never knew we wanted.

On top of all of that, we are also just parents who may be having a rare moment where they can actually finish a cup of coffee while it is still hot. We are just parents enjoying a beautiful moment where everyone is happy and calm and we can enjoy a little adult conversation. We are just parents, who are smiling and laughing, that should not have to have someone tell them that somehow the world thinks their life is a tragedy to be pitied.

We are parents, just like you, that love our children. We get annoyed by our children, frustrated with our children, and still love them just like you. We are more alike than different, and we need you to remember that.

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you see a parent of a child with special needs somewhere, do that parent a solid and treat them the same way you would treat any other mother or father. If you want to say something to them, great, but how about trying this.

“Your little one is absolutely adorable. You’re doing a great job Mama/Dad!”

My Style Re-Invention

By

Nikki Mattison

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May 17, 2017

Life since becoming a mom has been filled with so much GOOD and so many new life changes, one of which was finding a new style that worked for me. After I had my sweet little Mac, I fully expected to be the type of woman who bounces right back and is wearing her favorite skinny jeans before her baby is sleeping through the night. Not even close! What was I thinking?!? I know it’s part genetics, part discipline, part desire and many other things, unfortunately most of these didn’t seem to be in my favor.

First off, my old clothes didn’t fit for a long, long time. Second, the things I used to love wearing weren’t necessarily the most practical choices . . . because of course, we can be stylish and practical at the same time. And third, I just don’t have the same time and energy I used to have to really dig in and figure it all out. I’ve always been all about my personal style. My mom likes to tell a story about when I cut my chin open in kindergarten and I cried all the way to the emergency room, not because of the pain, but because I ruined my favorite shirt with Fievel on it. So yeah, it’s been a big part of me from the get-go. I digress.

Last summer, when Mac was about a year old old, I finally caved—maybe came to my senses is a better phrase—and found a wonderful babysitter/friend to help out so I could have a little time for me. Those things that make us feel like our old pre-mom self, like you know, a shower, a mani/pedi, an eyebrow wax (there should be two right?) found their way back into my tight schedule. And I started to feel better, so much better. I was catching a glimpse of old Nikki in the mirror now and then and it began to lift me up. The more I felt like my old self, the more things started to come into focus and I could have fun with my fashion again. If you’re thinking, fashion isn’t everything Nikki, then this article isn’t for you, and that’s okay. This is for all the ladies like me who love clothes, trends and playing with new looks…and maybe lost that after a new baby or kids in general.

Here are a few tips that really helped me get my swagger back, my STYLE REINVENTION:

1. Figure it out. First, let’s determine what your personal style really is. Not necessarily what you wear, but what would you wear all the time if no one noticed? What do you think looks really cool and makes you feel great? For me, I feel great in stretchy fitted jeans or leggings with bright or printed tunic length shirts. I need stylish shoes that allow me to push a swing at the park, chase a baby through Target or run into work and still look put together. My go-to shoes for my lifestyle are Converse Chuck Taylors, Nike Trainers and short booties.

2. Get inspired. Once I established what would be the key elements for my new style—skinny jeans, tunics, cardigans, my go to shoe options—I went to the mecca of inspiration, Pinterest. I started searching “casual converse style”, “skinny jeans layered looks”, “mom athleisure style” and collected several looks that I could see myself wearing and that also fit into my lifestyle. Only keep the pictures you absolutely love and the looks you will actually wear. Remember, you’re trying to establish a style that makes you feel good.

3. Stock your closet. Look for repeating items in your Pinterest photos. My board repeats items like cropped jackets, ripped skinny jeans and striped everything (literally everything, I love stripes!) along with basic t-shirts, my black Nike freestyles and cozy cardigans. So, off to my closet I go to see if any of those items actually live in my closet. If they do, cool. If they don’t, we can fix that. I keep a list of the items I’d like to add to my closet in the notes app on my phone. Then I watch for these items when my favorite stores send out emails or when I’m cruising through Target. Keep it simple by focusing on the few items that repeat the most.

Real life outfits inspired by my Pinterest board

4. Plan ahead. I’m a night owl, and a snooze button hitter, but the days when I wake up before Mac I notice a big difference. My look is super minimal, so a sleek ponytail, a little lip gloss, mascara and a really great bra get me off to a good start. I plan my outfit the night before (or several nights before if I’m especially motivated on a Sunday night) so I can just grab it without any fuss. Take a few minutes to get it together, so when your kids wake up it can be all about them.

Are you ready for your own post-baby style reinvention? I hope these tips help you rediscover the fashion that makes you feel good about yourself. What else helped you get your old ju-ju back? I’d love to hear about it!

Is Sick Season Over Yet? Tales of Woe from a Working Mom

By

Kelly L

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May 16, 2017

My baby is sick again. In fact, I’m not sure I can remember the last time he didn’t have a runny nose for one reason or another. My baby is always sick. In our defense, he is a daycare baby and I am a public school teacher. Germs run amuck in our home.

A few weeks ago I met a mom at a local park for a playdate. As we exchanged pleasantries my son started coughing and rubbing his nose. I saw the quick look of (fear? disgust? confusion? annoyance?) flash through her eyes as she quickly shifted her daughter a few feet further away from my son. Needless to say, our playdate did not last long.

I can’t blame her. Even my skin crawls when someone coughs or blows their nose in my house.

We’ve tried just about everything to keep ourselves healthy this sick season. We all take our vitamins & probiotics, stick to a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and run a humidifier around the clock. We have an essential oil diffuser and enough hand sanitizer to declare germ-genocide. We clean frequently and make sure all of the baby toys are cleaned too.

Yet we seem to be regulars in the pediatrician’s office with runny noses, ear infections, and the dreaded pink eye. Although I know our pediatrician is trying to add comic relief, to hear her say “You guys again?” is incredibly irritating. Perhaps I should request VIP parking.

It is exhausting and so frustrating to constantly be dealing with another cold or virus. My husband and I both work full-time and the anxiety that comes along with each sniffle can be taxing. It means negotiating who can take time off work at what are usually the most inconvenient of times. Those conversations that pass between us at 5 a.m. are guilt-ridden. Of course we both want to stay home but there is always a cost of missing important meetings, losing groundwork on a project, or putting in extra hours to make up for the lost time. Guilt, guilt, guilt!

One of his worst illnesses to date was when he was 4 months old and was admitted to the hospital with a nasty case of RSV and pneumonia. I cried for hours sitting at his bedside questioning everything my husband and I could have done to prevent his illness and what we could do to ensure that he didn’t get sick again. Should we pull him out of daycare and find in-home care? Should I stay at home with him until he’s older? How much would it cost to hire a regular cleaning crew to disinfect our home every week? And of course, the heart-wrenching question: Am I a bad mom?

It’s easy to beat myself up. My number one job is to keep him safe. Every mom wants to protect their child from bullies, even when those bullies are tiny microorganisms.

In reality, kids get sick.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that my son is probably going to be just fine, despite all of these runny noses and ear infections. He’s also going to get sick again despite my best efforts. To help ease the frustration I carry when he does get sick I have to constantly remind myself of three things:

First and foremost, his illness is not a reflection on our parenting. It does not mean we are bad parents. It does not mean he is growing up in an unclean home. And it does not mean he is lacking in love. I cannot judge my abilities as a mom based on the number of times we visit the pediatrician or the number of boogie wipes we go through in a week.

Secondly, if anyone is judging us based on his runny nose and cough, then that is their concern and should not be mine. PERIOD.

And lastly, it’s okay to take some time off. My son needs me. Sometimes cuddles and relaxing with mom is the best kind of medicine. One day my son will have the immune system of an indestructible superhero. Until then, momma needs to be the superhero.

If you’re at your wits end this sick season, hang in there!

Celebrating National Neurofibromatosis Day

By

Danielle S

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May 16, 2017

Did you know that today, May 17th, is National NF Awareness Day? My guess is unless you know someone affected by this disorder, you probably didn’t. But have no fear, I’ve got your back, and will fill you in on what it is.

What is NF?

Neurofibromatosis, also known as NF, is a genetic disorder that causes tumors (known as neurofibromas) to grow on nerves throughout the body. Half the people who develop it inherit it from a parent, the other half get it as a result of a gene mutation. Neurofibromatosis has three distinct forms, NF1, NF2, Schwannomatosis. It is seen across all ethnicity and genders. There is no cure.

NF is an incredibly complicated disorder which affects everyone differently. Tumors can develop anywhere (including the spine and brain), and while usually benign, can still cause many problems. These include deafness, blindness, paralysis, severe pain, or in some cases, even death. About half of the children with NF also have learning disabilities and require extra help in school.

My journey with neurofibromatosis started when I was diagnosed as a toddler. The earliest memory I have related to NF is when I got my first MRI at age five. About 1/2 through, the medicine they gave me to make me drowsy started to wear off. I had no desire to drink more, and I couldn’t lay still so they sent us on our way. That MRI showed “areas of brightness” on my brain, which thankfully never amounted to anything. As I grew, I developed more cafe au lait spots and some minor neurofibromas. In high school, an MRI revealed that I had multiple tumors wrapped around my spine. In college, I developed a plexiform neurofibroma, which I had removed my senior year. Do to the fact that it also wrapped around internal organs it could not be completely removed. I was told there was a good chance that it would grow again, and unfortunately, it has. With each of my pregnancies I have developed more minor symptoms, but nothing requiring surgery.

Despite all of this, I still consider my case of NF relatively mild. I didn’t have to deal with learning disabilities, and if you look at me, you wouldn’t know I had this disorder. Besides the cafe au lait spots, I have no visible signs of neurofibromatosis. This could change at any time, so I count my blessings.

Today, I’d like to introduce you to a few of the children in the Metro Detroit Area who are facing this disorder head on.

The scary thing as a parent of a child who has NF is that you really have no idea how it will manifest itself. Just because a parent has a mild case, does not mean their child will too. It’s a huge wait and see game. Having a child with NF means multiple doctor appointments, different therapies, MRIs, EEGs, and more. Monitoring and praying that everything remains stable. Wondering if the tumor growth is going to require chemo and radiation. It means when your child complains of an ache or pain you wonder if it’s just a typical growing pain, or perhaps something worse that requires a trip to the doctor. Having a child with NF means staying strong since you never really know what will be thrown at you.

Nic was only 4 months when we first heard the word Neurofibromatosis (NF). Because of NF1, Nic has a lifelong journey that will involve monitoring for the possibility of tumors. Currently, Nic’s biggest issues are related to ADHD, SPD and some Autistic Characteristics which are all related to NF. We have learned to navigate this journey with a positive mind. We take things as they come and just like a sailor adjust its sails for the wind, we adjust our life according to the winds of NF.

Hudson is 4.5 years old and was diagnosed with NF1 at 18 months old. He is a happy and social boy who loves cars and playing outside. As part of his NF he has multiple complex tumors, an optic glioma, low muscle tone, and scoliosis. He undergoes MRIs every 6 months as well as many other tests and doctor appointments. When he grows up he wants to be a doctor to help kids and adults, own a red race car, and live next door to his parents.

Tycen (pictured with younger brother, Roman) is a great kid! He has NF1, which has caused a large plexiform neurfibroma and bone deformities (so far). He has been in and out of a wheelchair his whole life. He is currently in due to an accidental break at a previous surgery site due to NF. He is a math genius. Even though he is in 7th grade, he takes a high school pre-calculus class and does better than most seniors taking it!

Here is sweet 12-year-old Claire on the day she was discharged from inpatient intense rehab after an open craniotomy in December 2016. She is full of life, laughter and loves her doggy!

If you are out and about in Detroit today, take a look at all the buildings that will be lighting up blue and green to Shine a Light on NF.

Buhl Building, Detroit (May 1-31)
Cobo Center, Detroit
Federal Reserve, Detroit
Fisher Building, Detroit
Ford Field, Detroit
GM Renaissance Center, Detroit
One Detroit Center Monument Sign, Detroit
One Detroit Center, Detroit
One Campus Martius, Detroit
One Woodward, Detroit
The Z, Detroit

**Thank you to Children’s Tumor Foundation for the facts and use of their logo, and to the parents who shared their child’s story.**

I Never Wanted To Be A Mom

By

dianaabdallah

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May 15, 2017

Growing up with a sister was the greatest – I had a live-in permanent friend to play with, and she did as well. We loved being together, sharing toys, dance lessons (and dance parties), playing barbies, and My Little Pony. It was everything a parent could dream of having multiple children of the same sex. Until I got a bit older, around 5, when I became a tomboy. I loved fire trucks, race cars, sports, watching WWE with my dad, playing with Ken, not Barbie. I played soccer (I was the goalie), but also took dance classes. I was mistaken in public for a boy several times. I had super short hair, just like a boy, mushroom cut and all. I was the boy that my dad never had, as I like to say.

As I got older many of my friends talked about getting married and having children. I never thought of my life going in that direction. I never dreamed of having children – or becoming a mom. Did I want to get married? Of course. Did I want to have a family? No. If you asked me even in my early twenties if I wanted children my answer would have been “NO”. A very firm one at that. I love babies. They are cute and squishy, but I could always pass them off if they started to cry, spit-up, or take a poop. Once they got past the squishy phase I never paid any attention to kids. They just bugged me. I can’t even tell you why or what reason, I was just never a kid person. I was always that person that would say “seriously shut your kid up” or “shouldn’t that kid be in bed.” I had friends that had kids, but I wanted nothing to do with them. I just never had that motherly gene passed down to me.

It wasn’t until I hit my late 20’s and found my handsome prince that I became “interested” in having a family. I would always tell people I wanted ONE child and for it to be a boy because I could never imagine having a girl like me. HA – a strong, outspoken, loud, strong-willed, and selfish girl. Since much of my childhood I was labeled as a tomboy it was my comfort zone to want a boy. I related to boys better, sports, dirt, rambunctiousness, and all the other “boy” things. In my head it just made sense.

After Mikey and I were married for a few years, we started to dabble with the idea of starting our family, and yes, I was still firm with the idea of only having one child. We ended up pregnant just after our 3rd wedding anniversary and found out it was a BOY! I was beyond elated. I never knew the type of love that you could have for a child that you haven’t even laid eyes on yet, but I did, and it was amazing. Vincent is everything to me. He’s a ball to the wall Momma’s boy, and I love everything about that. He’s my world, the part that I didn’t know I was missing. He is messy, sporty, high-strung, smart, sassy, and anti-crafty just like his Momma. I love him, but just can’t swing loving other kids.

I thought after having a child I would change my tune and I would be in “love” with kids and be this mushy hearted lady who just scoops up kids, loves on them, and wants to take them home. Well, apparently I am still missing the aforementioned motherly gene. I love my son dearly, but I’m still definitely not a kid type of person. Yes, I have empathy for the mom in Target with her child having a tantrum or the mom who is trying to get her kid in their car seat while they are screaming like they are being beaten. I have been there and understand you – I feel you! Let’s chat and vent together over coffee!

I hate arts and crafts. If my child did an art project one million percent – it was more than likely done at daycare. I am not a DIY mom, or a Pinterest mom, or a mom who will sit and color with their child. I am just not that mom. I will do things that will make me happy and in return make Vinny happy. I will host playgroups so I can have some adult conversation while Vinny plays with his friends. I will be at my son’s games with snacks in tow so I can be that crazy bleacher mom and still be involved with my child’s activities. I will do all the motherly things I need and LIKE to do. I am not the mom who will babysit other kids, get down and carry on conversations with other children, color with other children, or play games with kids. I am not a kid’s mom – I’m a mom’s mom!

Benefits of Saving for College Outweigh the Costs

By

Elizabeth Lewis

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May 15, 2017

Benefits of Saving for College Outweigh the Costs

I was grabbing coffee with one of my girlfriends last week getting the scoop on all things baby. I was shocked when the discussion of college savings was brought to the forefront. I hadn’t yet thought about saving for college, I was thinking about birth and nurseries, breastfeeding vs. bottles.

After all, my baby doesn’t even have a name yet let alone college aspirations. My friend, who is the mother of two, explained that if she could go back, she would have started saving for college when her children were infants. Now they are 3 and 5, and she recently opened a Pay-As-You-Go limited-benefits contract with the Michigan Education Trust (MET). She explained that had she started saving earlier, she could have gotten even further ahead of rising college tuition costs.

I had her send me the information so I could google it later on. I was surprised to learn that MET is pretty simple. It is the state’s 529 prepaid tuition plan that allows for the prepurchase of undergraduate tuition for any child residing in Michigan. The tuition is bought at today’s rates and then paid out at whatever the cost is when your kid is ready for college. With tuition costs continuing to rise, you can’t afford not to consider this 529 college savings plan (the “529” comes from the section of the federal Internal Revenue Code that allowed for MET and similar plans’ creation).

The best part is there are many payment options are available to parents and guardians, but the key benefit of Pay-As-You-Go is that it allows purchasers to buy MET contracts by credit hours rather than in semester increments. With so many new expenses being crunched into our budget while planning for this baby I didn’t think we could afford to start saving for college, but this makes it a great option for those who don’t have a big chunk of cash to apply toward a contract purchase. As the name implies, it allows you to “pay as you go” by making future contributions of as low as $25. One of the best aspects of this option, I learned, is that once a contract has been purchased, friends and family can also make contributions to the contract, meaning my parents or other family members or friends could help fund my child’s future education–a great way to prevent clutter come every holiday and birthday party!

MET does not restrict a student’s choice in school – he or she can direct tuition payments to any eligible university in the nation, including both private and public schools, good news since we don’t know what this little bundle will want for themselves 18 years for now.

And we benefit now as both the initial contract purchase and any additional contributions are tax deductible on purchasers’ Michigan income tax returns for the year the purchases were made.

There’s a great promotion going on right now too, the MET 529 Awareness Week Sweepstakes. The grand prize is $1,529 toward a new or existing Pay-As-You-Go limited-benefits MET contract. Those interested can enter the sweepstakes online at www.SETwithMET.com or by mail. Keep in mind that this sweepstake ends May 31, 2017, with the winner being drawn randomly on or about June 2. I have already entered, but even if I don’t win, I still plan to open my 529 savings plan with MET once my child is born.

For more information about MET plans, visit www.SETwithMET.com.

Disclaimer :: Detroit Moms Blog received compensation in exchange for this post, however all opinions are our own and 100% genuine!

Mom Bod Monday: Loving My Body After Baby

By

Meghan Simonie

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May 14, 2017

From the very beginning of our marriage, my husband and I had always promised each other that we would continue to make our anniversary special each year. We stuck to the traditional themes for gifts at each passing year and made sure to take a trip away, even if it was just somewhere local. It was important to us to remove ourselves from our crazy busy lives and spend time focusing on us and our hopes and dreams for our future. Sure, the logistics of it all became a little harder once kids were introduced into the mix, but we made it work (along with our village of support).

My parents were always huge supporters when it came to focusing on celebrating your anniversary and making sure you spend time with each other, even when kids came into the picture. They were also always very open with me growing up (and when I say open, I mean red in the face, embarrassing conversations have nothing on you, open – ask any of my friends). As embarrassed as I felt during those conversations, it has helped me become a very open person with the people that I trust in my life, most importantly, my husband. It has helped us have a great line of communication. It’s probably also the reason why I am so open to sharing my life on Facebook and through this moms blog, especially when it comes to this particular post.

Last September, my husband and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. Leading up to our anniversary, I was struggling with what to get for him. We were already planning on taking a big trip with just the two of us to Key West but I still wanted to get him something special. I ended up ordering him a ManCrate (wood for five years) filled with some of his favorite barbecue items. But, it just didn’t seem like enough. Then I remembered him joking about me doing a Boudoir shoot for him. I had laughed it off at the time because I literally just had our second baby that past January and the thought of taking photos of how this body looked now seemed exactly that: laughable.

I had always been the type that was a very strong personality, so that came off as a very confident person. But, what a lot of people didn’t know was that I always struggled with my body image. Even before pregnancy, I was never really happy with the way my body looked, which is ironic because now I look back at those pictures and think how crazy I was to think otherwise. My husband has always loved the way I looked, no matter what, but he has also always been a huge proponent of me loving the way I look too. I knew if I kept putting off taking these photos until I thought I looked ideal, I would never get the photos done, because unfortunately, I’m probably my worst critic.

I let the idea simmer in my brain for a bit and after few days, I decided to pull the trigger. I found a Groupon for a place that had great reviews online. It included hair and make-up. I quickly started researching outfits that were classy and timeless – I was NOT going to reveal too much . . . just had Baby #2 in January, remember? When it was time for the photos I was super nervous. I didn’t want to look stupid and never felt like the exotic, sexy type more like the smiley, bubbly one. Much to my surprise, the experience went completely opposite of how I ever thought it would.

The woman who did my make-up made sure it wasn’t more than what I would usually wear but just enough to show up in pictures. Then, when it was time for the actual pictures, the photographer made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman there ever lived. I have never felt so confident in my life, especially at a time when I felt my body was probably at its worst having carried and produced two humans within the last two and a half years. She joked around with me and made me feel very relaxed and comfortable. I actually had so much fun, I wish it could have lasted longer.

When I got the pictures, I was astonished. They were not airbrushed; I was not edited in any way. It was me – 100%. But, because of the way that photographer made me feel, that I could be truly beautiful and love my body after babies, I could see the happiness glowing from my face in the pictures. I was in love with the photos (my husband obviously was too). More than anything, I loved that it made me feel proud of not just who I am inside but who I am on the outside too.

So, I’ve bared it all and I hope some of you will take the plunge too and learn to love your body after baby.

My husband always did but now, I do too.

Dear Momma, Thank You for Being You

By

Jesi FG

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May 13, 2017

Dear Momma-

It’s Mother’s Day and I wanted to take some time to tell you just how much I appreciate you and all that you do. I don’t think I stop enough to tell you what an amazing mother and grandmother you are. Thank you for being YOU!

Looking back on my childhood, I have so many great memories of our time together. I remember when I joined the junior cheerleaders, and you handmade my very own uniform so that I could look like the real cheerleaders. I was the envy of Saturday morning practice in the cafeteria. I also remember when you hunted all over for specific teal blue baseball hat for me to wear for softball because I thought our team hats were just ‘too girly.’

I also remember all of the times that you were there to support me. The times that I was frustrated that my big brothers didn’t want a pesky little sister around, you made sure I had something extra special to do. Or when I was dealing with a group of Regina George-type bullies in middle school, you were there to wipe away my tears and remind me to stand my ground.

You taught me to be the strong, confident woman I am today. I remember when a local reporter was interviewing me for a pageant I had won and questioned why I was so focused on my career future and not a family. You were quick to shut him down. You always taught me to stand on my own two feet and to never give up.

Watching you as a mother has taught me so much as I continue to navigate the world of motherhood. You always made me feel like I was the most important person in your world, which was a heck of a balancing act as a mother of three. You showed me what unconditional love is, and that love knows no boundaries.

As I get older, I have come to have a new appreciation for you. You are not just Momma, not just Grammie. You are Pat, an HR professional, a community advocate, a loving wife, to name just a few things. Without you and your guidance, I wouldn’t be the woman, mother, wife or leader that I am today.

I am so thankful that we having such an amazing bond that continues to grow. I love that we can look at each other without saying a word, and laugh uncontrollably. I love that we have inside jokes that no one else understands. I love the one-on-one time we have while cooking for family dinners. I love the chance to see you as a grandmother to my son, and how much you love him.

I am so blessed to be able to call you my Mother and honored to call you my best friend.

Happy Mother’s Day! Love always,

Your daughter

Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven

By

staciecooper

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May 13, 2017

Feelings always get a little raw for me as the month of May rolls around. Stores are full of cards and flowers, brunches are advertised and reservations are made. Unfortunately though, there is a large group of women who are not buying gifts or making plans. We are motherless daughters, and I feel it is safe to say that Mother’s Day is hard on all of us.

I was seven when I lost my mother to breast cancer. This will be my twenty-third Mother’s Day without the amazing woman who brought me into the world. Unfortunately, I have few memories. But what I do know from my dad and other family members is that she loved my sister and I with every single ounce of her being. She was the type of woman whose whole existence centered around her children.

Being a motherless daughter meant a lot of milestones that were missed. Everything from middle school, high school, proms, graduations, college, etc. and all of the less significant, yet character-building experiences in between. While I had some amazingly strong women in my life, nothing compares to the woman who brought you into the world.

Mother’s Day changed for me almost 4 years ago when I became a mother myself. I’m a sucker for the handmade cards and gifts from my daughters. While it stings a little less in recent years because I can reflect on my beautiful daughters, it has also made me think about the transition from motherless daughter to motherless mother.

Me, age 26, holding my first born daughter.

One would think the transition could be smooth, especially for someone who was so young and doesn’t really remember a life with their mother in it. Of course, I thought of her when I found out I was expecting for the first time, as I have with every other major event in my life. As my belly and my anxiety grew, I wanted nothing more than to know how her pregnancies went. How did she find out? How did she tell my dad? What possessed her to wallpaper the nursery with Smurfs? How did she know when she was going into labor, and what were her deliveries like? Maybe she wouldn’t have remembered a lot of the details, but I have a feeling she would have calmed all of my nerves somehow.

I was so blessed that my first born was such a great newborn. There were still moments though when I could really have used her wisdom. Especially in recent months when this now threenager has developed quite a sassy attitude. When my youngest daughter arrived a couple years later, of course, I thought I was a pro and wouldn’t need any help. I couldn’t have been more wrong. There were moments when I would have given just about anything to be able to call up my mom, have a meltdown, suck it up and move on. I want to know if I was like this at my daughter’s age. I want to know what my mother’s greatest challenges were with my sister and me when we were young. She was an amazing mother and she would have been overjoyed to be a grandmother.

As my daughters grow up they will hear about their Grandma Jill. They will know how much we all wish they could have met her and witnessed her infectious laugh. While Mother’s Day has gotten better in recent years, it will always be hard on those of us without one. If you have the opportunity to pick up the phone at any given moment and call your mother, and if she is a regular part of your children’s lives, please take a moment and be thankful for such a wonderful gift.

When You Become a Mom

By

taylorcapps

-

May 13, 2017

As I watch you play as two little girls it often crosses my mind that one day you will become a mom. It’s hard to fathom that when I watch one of you crawl around in a diaper while the other is practicing writing her name, but it’s a reality.

I write down things you do, things you say, and moments we have together. I also often write things I want you to remember when you become a mom. Some funny and some sentimental, but they are all important because you’ll quickly learn that being a mom is one of the hardest yet most rewarding jobs you’ll ever have. When you do become a mom there are a few things I want you to remember.

Cut yourself some slack. At least half of the week I make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. I often think how I should be offering you something else. When I look across the table though all I see is happiness. Your feet are swinging and you’re enjoying every bite. I beat myself up over not making other choices for you when really you are just as happy as can be with the one I made. Don’t do this to yourself. If they are smiling and happy then you are doing a fine job; no need to imagine the what-ifs.

Don’t rush. We often are on the verge being late everywhere we go. You see me scrambling to shove diapers in the diaper bag and tell you for the billionth time to please get your shoes on. But then you spell your name or pull up on the couch for the first time. It’s in moments like this that I am reminded not to rush. There’s no reason to rush somewhere when the most important moments are the ones right in front of me. When you rush, you miss the most precious moments.

Embrace the good and bad. I will openly admit that there are some days where finding the good seems near impossible. Embracing the chaos can be so hard. The last thing you want to do is smile when someone is throwing a fit on the floor or refuses to nap, but I promise you that those moments won’t last forever. Don’t let them ruin the good. Embrace the bad and turn them into learning moments. You can learn something from every situation, even the simplest ones.

Just go with it. Control is something that I’m still learning to let go of, but when I do I can feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. Kids are so unpredictable so just go with it. I pull out art supplies to create a well-thought through project just to discover that you would rather glue everything on one piece of paper or create your own project. When I sit back and put you in control I get to see you shine. You’ll learn that going with the flow is in the best interest of everyone.

At the end of the day remember that the simplest moments matter the most. Sing songs, act silly and embrace all of it. I know one day you will become wonderful mothers, but until then we will take baths until your wrinkly, use up the entire bottle of bubbles, and laugh until it hurts.

Detroit Mom

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