A Peach Queen’s Guide to the Romeo Peach Festival

By

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August 30, 2016

I have a confession: I am a true blue peach loving, parade attending, Romeo resident. Peach Festival has long been an important part of my family. My great grandparents chaperoned the Romeo Peach Queen in the 1940s, my grandfather and father both drove fire trucks in the parades members of the Romeo Fire Department. I was the Romeo Peach Queen in 2005 and now I am the Director of the Romeo Peach Queen Pageant. You could say I have peaches in my soul!

The very first Michigan Peach Festival of Romeo kicked off in September of 1931. This is often noted at the event that put the small town of Romeo on the map. This Labor Day weekend marks the 85th anniversary of the festival, and there are no shortage of events in store.

The festival kicks off on Thursday September 1st and runs through Monday September 5th. There are multiple events taking place each day including a carnival, several craft shows, lots of great places to eat, and tons of family fun! There is also adult fun with two refreshment tents located on the fair grounds.

Here are a few highlights:

Peach Festival 25th Annual 5K and 10K Run and 5K Walk, Thursday September 1st
This annual tradition is an event for all ages and continues to grow each year. Awards are given in each gender and age group for each different race option. Not only is a great chance to get some exercise, but the event route shows beautiful scenery that makes Romeo great. There is a small registration fee for the race that includes a commemorative shirt.

Mid-Michigan Mini-Tractor Pull Competition, Friday September 2nd
This free event takes place at Westview Orchards and Winery. During this event, local residents bring their tractors and test their pulling strength using a sled provided by the Mid-Michigan Mini Tractor Pulling Association. It’s an entertaining family event at a wonderful location.

KIDSFEST, Saturday September 3rd
Located in Romeo Village Park, KIDSFEST is a free event for kids 14 and under. There are several different games and relays that children can participate in, including the water balloon toss and a peach pie eating contest. Kids can also take ride on a choo-choo train, visit with a clown and listen to entertainment from two local show choirs.

Peach Festival Classic Car Show and Charity Car Cruise , Sunday September 4th
The Classic Car show kicks off at 8 AM at the Romeo Ford Engine Plant. Cars from all over line the parking lot for what can be hours of fun checking them all out! The cars from the show leave the plant and head into downtown Romeo to cruise in the evening at 7:30 PM.

Bed Races and Night Parade, Sunday September 4th
The Bed Races roll right through downtown Romeo prior to the Classic Car Cruise. Teams of four bring their ‘bed’ that they built and race in heats, completing obstacles along the way. It is very entertaining, and with a cash prize at stake, the teams really get into it! Following the cruise, is the night parade (formally know as Mummers Parade). During this event, local organizations and groups have fun dressing up and getting into the theme, which this year is Those Were the Days.

Children’s Parade, Monday September 5th
The Children’s Parade kicks off at 10 AM and heads through downtown Romeo. Local businesses and organizations dress up and prepare their vehicles to match this year’s theme of The Jungle. There are fire trucks, dance troops, Boy and Girl Scout organizations, and of course the Romeo Peach Queen on hand.

Labor Day Floral Parade, Monday September 5th
The Floral Parade is somewhat of a symbol for the closure of the festival each year. The parade steps off at 1:30 PM and spans almost two full miles. Businesses, organizations and individuals come from all over to participate in this long standing tradition. The parade kicks off with the Grand Marshall, which is an honor given to a local individual who has made a big impact on the community. There are lots of smiles, and event more candy to catch as the floats roll by!

For a full list of events by day, be sure to check out the daily schedule. Grab a peach doughnut and head into Romeo for a great weekend!

Food Battles: Thoughts from an Eating Disorder Therapist and Mom

By

kristinevazzano

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August 29, 2016

Food and Children. As mothers, one of the first tasks we are confronted with is feeding our child. The decisions seem personal (breast milk or formula?) and fairly straight forward (make my own baby food or use store bought?), but the amount of information and opinions about food and healthy eating can create confusion. Although healthy eating and feeding practices can feel intuitive, there is fear based, restrictive nutrition advice everywhere. Not to mention, we live in a culture that is driven by unrealistic standards and disordered beliefs about food and weight.

My goals are simple. I want my kids to eat a variety of foods and enjoy them. I don’t want them to worry about food. I want them to be healthy and feel strong and confident in their bodies.

When I had children, I figured feeding them would be easy as nutrition and healthy eating are areas I am trained in through my work as a psychologist specializing in eating disorders. My professional philosophy is built upon the idea that healthy eating doesn’t have to be an “eat this but not that game” but rather about flexibility, balance and variety. Food should never be a source of stress, but something that provides energy and pleasure.

So you see, when I had kids, I thought I was more than prepared to tackle healthy feeding and eating! Theoretically, I have all of the information.

Day to day, around the dinner table? Not so easy! Like so many things on this parenting journey, the theory doesn’t always translate into what my kids actually do!

Here is a break down of theory versus reality and ways I have been able to integrate healthy feeding into my family:

THEORY: Do not be a “short order cook”. Provide a balanced meal and allow your kids to eat from what is available. Trust they will not go hungry, they can feed their bodies based on their internal needs.

REALITY: If my kids don’t like anything at the table they won’t eat. They will ask for a snack as soon as the kitchen is cleaned. I will want to stand my ground but then worry they’re hungry, and even worse wake up in middle of the night because they are hungry.

COMPROMISE: I provide one item at each meal that I know my kids will enjoy and eat. While I encourage them to eat and try the entire meal, it reduces any potential stress by knowing there is something at the table they will eat happily.

THEORY: Do not engage in power struggles over food. Don’t encourage “just one more bite” or negotiate how much needs to be eaten at each meal. This interferes with kids’ ability to trust in their own hunger and fullness cues.

REALITY: My kids want to know what is for dessert the moment they sit down to the table. I am often tempted (and yes, occasionally, do) to tell them they have to finish their chicken before they get any dessert. Prodding and asking them to eat more meat or veggies becomes stressful for everyone at the table. We lose that valuable time when we are all together to connect about our day.

COMPROMISE: To avoid food battles, I have found it helpful to ask my kids how they feel. Is your tummy still hungry? Does it feel full? I find this encourages them to check in and helps develop the ability to eat in response to their internal signals versus how much they “should” eat or what someone is telling them to eat.

THEORY: Don’t use food as a reward.

REALITY: Just like I mentioned above, my kids like desserts or food they see as a treat. Like it or not, it can be a motivator. And like it or not, sometimes I am tired and I will rely on what motivates them to make things happen!

COMPROMISE: Even if I use food as a motivator (my daughter is potty training and will get a marshmallow when she is successful) I don’t use certain foods as treats or only as a special reward. I provide dessert every night. Some times it is fresh fruit other times ice cream sundaes. I make it a part of the meal to take the anticipation away and normalize foods often considered treats. This makes it less likely they will see dessert as forbidden, therefore wanting and eating more than their body need when they have an opportunity. It also sends the message that they can enjoy a variety of foods.

At the end of the day, it is helpful to remember we are all naturally born knowing when we are hungry and when we are full. Kids know what they need, how much, and when. They can be trusted. As a parent, our job is to decide what types of food to have available. Our kids can then be left to determine how much and when they want to eat based on what is provided for them.

Food is something that can create a lot of strong feelings and opinions, so it’s important you make decisions that work best for your family!

Are there other food battles you fight regularly at home? What are some solutions you have found that work for you?

*This blog is a part of series. Look for upcoming topics about developing healthy body image with kids, picky eating, and teaching kids about nutrition.*

I’m a Mom, Not a Young Mom.

By

taylorcapps

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August 28, 2016

I’m a Mom, not a Young Mom. When I got pregnant with our first I was 22 years old. I was very fresh out of college, embarking on my first year of teaching, Ryan just started Graduate School, and we were enjoying being adults during the week and carefree on the weekends. I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant. You always hear the “horror stories” about having a baby before you’re out of your early 20s. AND we weren’t married. You expect the “here’s your one way ticket to you-know-where” stereotype to immediately be thrown your way.

My first raw thoughts were a blur: what about my career, the degree I just worked so hard for, my freedom, we aren’t married….what will people think? I remember feeling embarrassed prior to announcing we were pregnant, like I should be embarrassed about having a baby before “they” said it was time. Then it hit me…I was going to be a mom.

I put all of those negative thoughts out of my mind. I could have a career any day, a new life was about to begin, and marriage…we’d get there.

Like any mom when you start to go to your appointments and you hear the heartbeat on your ultrasound, there’s a part in you that melts. I specifically remember Ryan looking at me and saying “We can do this.” I needed to hear that. When we started to share with others that we were pregnant there was everything from “Congratulations!” to “Ohh, you are? Wow, you are going to be such a young mom.” No, I’m going to be a mom.

I try (really hard) to look at the other side, and there are perks to being a young mom too:

I feel like I’ve had a chance to rediscover myself prior to jumping into years of a career or hobby. After becoming a mom I discovered that I have a love for writing and it’s therapeutic for me. I can’t say if I would’ve spent 10 years teaching then became a mom that this would’ve happened for me.
Clari has gotten to be apart of some of our greatest moments in life thus far. Ryan walked across the stage to receive his Masters Degree in Aerospace Engineering with Clari squealing and waving from the crowd. When we got married she was sitting front row trying to figure out how to get to the sparkles on my dress.
I’m forever thankful that Clari has all of her Grandparents present and very active in her life. They are still able to be the on the floor, romp and roll type of grandparents. Clari was also able to meet her Great-Great Grandparents. Now that’s a blessing I’ll forever cherish.

To this day when I’m out with my daughter, I’ll encounter that wonderful stranger that wants to suggest something in parenting. I often hear:
“You are such a young mom.”

“You are her mom, not babysitter?”

“You aren’t old enough to be pregnant again!”

I’m a mom, people! I wake up in the middle of the night when my toddler needs re-tucked in. I make organic meals only to end up putting chicken nuggets in front of her. I picnic at the park and push her on the swing until I get tired and bribe her to go home. We are all moms doing the same song and dance. Age is just a number and has nothing to do with your parenting.

I won’t let anyone make me think that I missed out on my young twenties. Frankly, my favorite kind of Friday night is watching Frozen (for the billionth time) and sharing a bowl of popcorn with my family. The only thing I’m missing out on when dwelling on what society has decided is “correct”, are those precious moments I could be spending with my little babe.

To the young mom reading this, don’t let that negative person get you down. To the young mom who doesn’t have a ring on that finger, you are a rockstar mom and a wedding has nothing to do with that. Let’s build all the moms up, not down!

5 Ways to Rock as a Friend When You’re a Mom

By

Heather Todero

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August 25, 2016

Recently I have read several articles in my newsfeed in which women explain how hard it is for them to fill the roles of “mom” and “friend” simultaneously. While I understand the challenges recognized in these posts, I also found myself feeling uncomfortable with what seemed like yet another post telling women it is okay to let everything in your life fall to the wayside to motherhood. I don’t think this is the case, I have much more faith in each of us that we can do better.

My friends and I are now in various stages of our adult life. Some have children of their own, some newlyweds, some moving across the country for fresh starts. Often this makes it feel difficult to maintain these relationships, but here are 5 things I think are important when trying to be both a good friend and a good mom.

Pick up the phone. In those newborn days you get some slack, feel free not to answer anyone’s calls. Your friend’s role at this time is to reach out to see what you need. Once those first weeks slip by, even if you are tired, even if you forget for a couple hours, return the phone calls and texts within a few hours at least. Communication is an essential part of friendship, and there are many moments in the day for a quick “hi, I’m still here, how are you?” exchange.
Don’t cancel meetups. I know, I know. The baby is teething, she didn’t sleep last night, neither did you and the last thing you want to do it meet for brunch. You pick up the phone and start the “sorry, we aren’t going to make it today” text. STOP. Delete it and write this instead: “good morning! baby didn’t sleep, can you grab bagels and coffee and meet us at the park?” Change your plans to fit your needs, your friend will need to do the same one day. Unless your child is truly ill, try to adjust your plans so you can meet up. Chances are having a different set of hands to hold your kiddo while you drink some coffee and process the emotions that go along with the exhaustion will be better for you than staying home and prolonging your funk.
Ask for what you now need. When you’re a mom, your needs and desires change. You may not want to do weekly happy hour because you are dying to get home to your child. Or maybe you stay home now and you desperately need someone to entertain the baby for 20 minutes so you can pee, shower, and change your clothes in peace. When you continue to maintain your friendships your people will be more than willing to try something new with you but often they don’t know what you need so it is up to you to ask for it.
Put in effort on important days. If you are in a different stage of life than your friends, make an effort to reach out on their big days. Chances are your bestie stood beside you on your wedding day, came to the hospital when your kids were born, and has probably seen you at your best and your worst. Return that favor. If they are starting a new job or a new relationship ask them meaningful questions about that. Heck, even if they are a mom too chances are there is something going on besides child rearing so ask about work or relationships or reality tv.
Meet new friends too. Meeting other mom friends is tricky. It is a lot like asking someone out when you were a teenager. It feels new, and a little exciting, and a lot terrifying. I tend to be shy when meeting new moms at the park or at parent meet-ups. However, I’ve found my way of asking her out is following up. Say we met at the park and realized we are both in the same Facebook group. Later that week I’ll send a short message to her saying how nice it was to run into her and often times the other person then makes the ask taking the pressure off me. Whatever your style is, if you are looking for new mom friends, make a it your goal to meet other moms, preferably someone in the same stay, someone with slightly older kids, and eventually someone with younger kids.

Bottom-line: we need our friends during this phase of life. If we allow ourselves to always have an excuse to back out of plans with our friends those relationships will fizzle. With just a little effort, even if you don’t feel like it, you can continue to maintain, grow, and create new friendships all while rocking the mom role as well.

When It Doesn’t Get Easier: My ‘Trick Baby’

By

Kelsie Rodriguez

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August 24, 2016

When my son was a newborn, people told me, “Just wait; every day gets a little easier.” And I would reply, “Oh, good!” because I felt like they expected me to say that, and then I would shrug to myself. If things got easier, great! But we were doing alright even if they didn’t. Sure, I was tired and forgetting something every time I left the house (like the diaper bag – who needs it). But I had known this phase would come with challenges, and within a month or so I began to feel fairly competent.

The expectations of a new mom are justifiably simple at that point, and I felt like I was meeting them. Taking my baby out for a play date or making a home-cooked meal brought a sense of accomplishment. My son was happy and fed and usually clothed, and I cringe now to admit that I even found myself telling people I had expected it to be harder. (See: trick baby.) I know this isn’t true for everyone, and a lot of my friends probably resented me. I was one of the lucky few.

Behold the trick baby, in his natural habitat.

The mantra of our newborn phase was “you can’t spoil a baby.” Hence, there was unlimited cuddling and co-sleeping and nursing on demand. People understood if there were days you didn’t leave the house. It was easier for me to give, give, give than to question if and when a limit should be enforced. Maybe it’s because I descend from women who love babies. (After all, my grandmothers had 21 between the two of them.) Maybe it’s that we hit the newborn jackpot with an exceptionally easy baby; maybe it’s that his personality is shining through more and more, and as it turns out, he’s a pretty determined and energetic kid.

Looking back, it wasn’t that I found this chapter easy, by any means, but the challenges were straightforward and came at you head-on. Fed? Check. Clean diaper? Check. Nap? Check. Now, as we near his first birthday, that checklist is becoming increasingly lengthy and complex. The days of him falling asleep whenever he’s tired, wherever he is, are in the distant past, and those slivers of time between waking in the morning and then naps and then bedtime allow a barely-long-enough window to shower and start a load of laundry.

This is how I feel by the afternoon, too.

When did our circumstances change? It probably started with sleep, which – once you no longer get – you come to identify as the most essential of human needs. There was the four-month sleep regression that we never recovered from, compounded by the eight-month regression that doubled our nighttime wakings. And there was teething: up-all-night, shrieking-in-pain teething. Then my once-stationary baby was on the move and I was on the move too, chasing after him and panicking about the treacherous predicaments he might find himself in, in a house that was perpetually lagging behind on baby-proofing.

Sounds of splashing coming from the bathroom are never a good thing.

It’s normal. This is exactly where my son should be developmentally, and believe me, I am grateful that he’s on track. But I feel a greater societal expectation to have it all together, to have “bounced back”, to be a Julie Andrews kind of mom that exudes joy and optimism and creativity. There are no more prepared meals brought over by kind visitors or special accommodations from strangers in public. After all, we can’t expect the rest of the world to bear the responsibility of making our lives easier forever.

Parenting is a deeply challenging, exhausting, stressful, and yet normal phase of life for most people. There are moments when I can sit on the floor, among the mess, and play with my baby and make him laugh until he can’t catch his breath. Yes, parenting is hard. Yes, there are often tears (and some of them are even from my son). But we’re doing it. And who knows, maybe one day it actually will get easier.

How I Found My Mom Tribe

By

Michelle MD

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August 23, 2016

When I first sat down to write this post I was concentrating on what I didn’t have: a Mommy Group, or a Mom Tribe. While it’s true I don’t belong to any one single mom-type group, you know the sort of group who has planned weekly or monthly get-togethers or Girls’ Night Out. You always see them in group photos posted on social media, they all met up for dinner or drinks, or a yoga class or something. Nope, I don’t have that sort of group. At first I thought I didn’t have a tribe at all.

But the more I thought about my friends, I realized that although I had never really fit into any mommy group (and I’ve joined plenty) and as much as I’d love to be a part of those groups of friends who drop everything and go, who occasionally get to escape marriage and motherhood and attend a girls weekend, I don’t have a “drop-n-go” life. And ya know what? That’s okay because I’ve discovered I DO have a tribe and my tribe is unique.

My tribe consists of women in every stage of motherhood and non-motherhood. Some of my tribe have grown, adult children, some have babies, toddlers, school-age kids, while others haven’t any children but have become “Aunt” to my own child. Some I’ve known all my life, others only a short time. There are members of my tribe who I don’t see or speak to for long periods of time but when I do it’s as though no time has passed. We pick up right where we left off. Even across many miles.

I also like to include in my tribe the many beautiful friends who are linked together through the magic of the internet. We met in private groups, open forums, and common interest pages. Most of whom I’ve never met in person but we’ve become each others’ sounding board, an ear to lend, a source of support, and sometimes a terrific MadLibs opponent on a Saturday night when the kids are sick and we needed a distraction.

I’m truly grateful for all the women in my tribe. My wonderful, fabulous, unique tribe.

Meal Planning Saves My Sanity

By

Meghan Simonie

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August 23, 2016

Someone asked me recently how much money I spend a week at the grocery store. When I told her I can get food for three of us (not including our weekly trips for formula for the littlest one) for around $60-$70 a week, she was amazed. She was in utter disbelief. You may think I am a coupon queen… well, I’m not. I actually despise couponing. If it is your thing, all the more power to you. I simply cannot get myself motivated enough to keep track of it all!

My true savior is my Meal Planning:

Each week I have a calendar notification to remind me to plan food for the next week.
I spend about a 15-20 minutes reviewing my recipe Pinterest board.
If I do not have something pinned or I want to try something new, I simply search Pinterest for ‘simple, healthy recipes’.
I only pin recipes that require me to buy 5 items or less from the store (obviously we already have most spices and general items that can be added to other things).
I start a shopping list in a note on my phone.
I only plan for 3 meals each week.

I used to plan for everyday, but we were constantly throwing out old, spoiled food. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. There is nothing more irritating to a working mom, who manages to fit in time to meal plan and grocery shop with kids in tow, than throwing out that food!

The serving size for each meal is usually for about 4-6 people. After each dinner, we usually have enough food for lunch leftovers the next day. In addition to meals, I usually grab quick items like Greek yogurt, Goldfish crackers, veggies, and fruit – lots of fruit. As soon as I get home, I make sure to cut up the veggies and fruit and portion it out. It helps to fill those snack cravings and cut down on the cost of buying prepackaged snack size items.

Below are a few of my family’s favorites:

Mediterranean Couscous Salad
I will also save the extra couscous and use it again that week or the next for a few additional recipes.

Orzo Salad with Watermelon & Feta

English Muffin Hawaiian Pizza

Baked Ziti
One of my hubby’s favorites!

Are you a Meal Planner? Share some of your favorite tips with us!

Building a New Nest: Uprooting & Moving Our Family

By

taylorcapps

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August 22, 2016

Two years ago I sat on I-75 in rush hour traffic with a crying baby in her carseat. We had been on a 3 day journey from Virginia, stopping along the way to help break up the trip. Upon arrival I stood in the living room of our new house with a billion moving boxes needing to be unpacked. My husband walked in the door that evening from his new job excited to see that we had arrived, and all I could do was cry. I was now 14 hours away from the only place I’d ever called home.

Uprooting and moving is very hard in so many ways. You feel like you are essentially starting over. You are building a new nest. Your feelings are all over the place. One moment you are happy for new opportunities and the next you are sad because you don’t even know where the closest Target is.

Building a new nest gives you the chance to start new traditions and memories with your family. I long to be able to drive a short distance to have Christmas dinner or a Fourth of July cookout with our families. But starting traditions as a family or with new friends has become something we look forward to.

I learned quickly that you have to get yourself out of the house, as soon and often as possible. Once you’ve found a pathway to the front door through all those moving boxes, get out of the house. I used to load my daughter up for a trip to Target or the grocery store with just as much excitement as a trip to a tropical island. Getting lost was a huge part of learning the area. We went somewhere just about every day – the park, store, Post Office, met my husband for lunch, pool, etc. Getting dressed made me feel normal in a new place. When just going to Target no longer sufficed, I learned that I needed “daytime support”.

When you move somewhere new you, you are on the search for a Pediatrician, Dentist, parks, mom/tot classes, library story times, and every other child related thing. You also have a billion questions about bottle weaning, sleep training, and what to feed your toddler for lunch. Add to this the hours of venting that you want to do when your baby has been up since 5am and you know they aren’t going to take an easy nap.

You need daytime support. You need moms who are right there in the trenches with you.

I joined a Moms Group shortly after moving, and it was a saving grace. I was able to get recommendations from them, everything from our Pediatrician to their favorite grocery store. More importantly than recommendations, they are there for you. When your husband walks out of the door to go to work in the morning and doesn’t return until after dinner time, you need someone. Not only does your child benefit from the social interaction, but sitting with other moms and chatting away over a cup of coffee does the mom soul so much good. Find those moms because they will become your family.

My ultimate saving grace upon moving was the sweet face of my daughter. She had no idea what was going. For her it was a playground of cardboard boxes and a new room for her toys. Anytime I got lonely or missed dinners with my family, I would look at that sweet face and remember that she needed me. And really I needed her.

Michigan has become our home and as hard of a transition as it was, we are happy with the new nest we have built here.

Are you building a new nest? Share your journey!

Sibling Rivalry: Mommy Wars Between Sisters

By

Detroit Mom

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August 21, 2016

I’m learning the hard way that sibling rivalry doesn’t disappear once siblings are under their own roof. It continues well into adulthood. Most recently, my sibling rivalry has turned into an ugly case of Mommy Wars.

My sister and I have children that are only 6 months apart. We did not plan to have our children close together; it was a happy accident. Initially our bond became stronger when we learned I was pregnant and our children would be so close in age. But then my worries started to set in. I felt that having children so close together would open the door for a constant comparison in their lives. Who would walk first? Who would read first? Who would be on the honor roll? Would every major milestone be a point of comparison?

To my surprise, instead of the comparison of the kiddos, I realized I was the target of constant comparison. At first it started as innocent comments about the foods I ate during my pregnancy, the brand of prenatal vitamins I was taking, and the hospital we choose to deliver our son. Most comments were easy to shrug off and adopt the attitude of “to each his own.” However, things quickly escalated once the baby arrived.

I was subjected to a barrage of unsolicited advice:

This is the ONLY brand of swaddle you should use.

You HAVE to send birth announcements.

Lactation consultants are overrated.

Are you pumping enough to keep up your milk supply?

You’re using a pacifier already?

I don’t think you’re swaddling him tight enough.

Cloth diapers are SO much better than disposable.

Baby-led weaning is the best way to start solids.

Those car seat straps need to be tighter.

At one point, things were so bad that my husband and I had to pack up and leave a family holiday party early because I couldn’t endure the constant onslaught of advice and critiques.

I expected to have my confidence shaken by moms in my circle of friends, but I never expected to feel this way from my own family member. I know my sister has good intentions. I know she wants the best for my son. And I know this phase will pass (I hope). However, I don’t think I am willing to confront her and create a rift in our relationship that will surely have a long-term impact.

I’ve done some soul searching and talked with several close friends about how to peacefully co-exist with my sister. Here are a few tips from our collaboration that I have found to be helpful in dealing with this situation:

Genuinely listen:
Sometimes I’m so quick to put up a defensive front that I’m not really listening to my sister. I’m ready to dismiss her ideas without really hearing what she is saying. I need to go in with a positive attitude and LISTEN. Perhaps instead of hearing unsolicited advice, she is really trying to validate what she is doing as a parent. Which brings me to my next point…..

Provide Validation:
I find myself sharing things that are working with my son because I’m proud of my achievements as a mom. To share her advice and feel as though she is helping me may be her way of validating her own parenting choices. Even if I don’t agree with her suggestions, I should encourage and help celebrate her success.

Change the subject
Sometimes it might be more appropriate to just change the subject. We’ve been sisters and friends longer than we’ve been mothers. Theoretically, we should have a lot to talk about outside of our parenting choices and abilities. Before we get together I make a mental list of important things I want to talk about with her that draw attention away from any uncomfortable conversations about our kids.

Love
In the end, we are family and despite our differences I love her and my nephew with the whole of my heart. She needs to feel that love and know that regardless of how we parent our children I am her biggest cheerleader, ready to celebrate every milestone.

Have you experienced a similar situation? What advice would you add above?

What is the “Perfect” Family?

By

annieyeoman

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August 19, 2016

What is the “perfect” family size?

Today, I had my first look of total disapproval regarding my third pregnancy.

The boys and I were in Tim Horton’s for “Donut Day” which is our Tuesday morning ritual. As we got our food and began looking for a seat, we passed by a gentleman, probably in his forties having coffee. He watched amused, as Grant stumbled around and Truman chattered to me about where we should sit. His eyes caught mine and he smiled before glancing down where he noticed… my belly.

His smile disappeared and he asked loudly, “Are you expecting again?” I answered, “Yes! Another boy!” excitedly. My excitement faded considerably when he sat back in his chair, audibly sighed and shook his head slowly from side to side. He pressed his lips together and looked down at his coffee, disgusted. Clearly we didn’t fall into the “perfect” category as far as this man was concerned. I continued to smile as we kept moving and sat down. I got the boys’ food and drinks set up before taking a moment to absorb what had just happened.

Aside from being shocked by his rude behavior and a little embarrassed, I was mostly surprised because I have never considered three children to be an especially large family. Yet, without knowing one other thing about me beside the fact that I already have two boys, that man was bothered by my choice to have another child.

I began thinking about what the “perfect” family might be. Who gets to decide? Society as a whole or the couple actually caring for the children? Can you tell who is deserving just by catching a glimpse of them at Tim Horton’s?

One child families hear about how their only child NEEDS a sibling. How only children are selfish, spoiled, pampered and have no idea how to relate to other children. That they will be left all alone when their parents die… because only children never make friends, get married, or have children of their own? Wait…what? Not “perfect”.

Two child families hear about how perfect their family is… but only if there is one boy and one girl. Not “perfect”. God forbid you have two girls or two boys. You will forever hear about how you NEED to have one of the opposite:

“Two boys? Well, now you have to have a girl!”
“Two girls? Don’t worry, your next one will be a boy.”

Three kids seems acceptable (but not “perfect”) as long as you have a mix of sexes. THREE of one sex? Oh, poor you! I remember it growing up in my family of three girls. “Poor Johnny, surrounded by women… even the dog is female.” (Little did they know, my Dad never minded that he didn’t have a son.) When people ask what I’m having now there is such disappointment. “Three Boys? Oh, I bet you were hoping for a girl.” The idea that someone may be thrilled with three girls or three boys seems foreign to most people.

Four children is encroaching on “large family” territory. Definitely not “perfect”:

If you have three of one sex and the last one is the opposite, you will be looked at as the couple who tried until they got that boy/girl; no matter that you always wanted four children.
If you have all boys or all girls, you’ll hear encouragement to keep trying for the other sex from half of the crowd.
The other half will say nothing, secretly hoping you’ll give up. “Four is enough for crying out loud…”

People lose their minds (and manners!) when they see a family with five or more children. This is beyond “perfect” territory. It suddenly becomes acceptable to ask about completely private matters, such as the children’s paternity, if you “know what causes” them, if they were all planned, are biologically yours, and if it is a “religious thing.” You’ll undoubtedly be shamed for contributing to overpopulation and draining the world’s resources; even though as of 2014*, a record high of 47.6 percent of women between 15 and 44 were childless in the US. Only 6.8% of women the same age had four or more children.

Obviously, the only “perfect” family is one with two children, a boy and a girl. Unfortunately, the odds of achieving that family dynamic – even if you wanted to – are fairly slim. Looking at my own friends and family, only 22 out of 100 randomly selected women have the coveted one-boy-one-girl combo.

The good news? Most of us are in good company with our imperfect families! So, have as many children as you are able and willing to care for and love. The decision is deeply personal, different for everyone and no one else’s business.

My perfect family is MY family. Your perfect family is YOUR family. However you build it, no matter how many members. Take that, Tim Horton’s guy!

*United States Census Bureau

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