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What Teachers {Really} Want: An End-of-Year Gift Guide

First and foremost, I want to say that teachers don’t go into the profession for the gifts. We teach because we are passionate about education.  We strive to instill a love for learning in our students.  We love watching our students grow and master the concepts we teach.  Our hope is that we make a difference with our teaching.

That being said, who doesn’t like a little something to show you care? If you want to get your child’s teacher a gift know that it is appreciated, but never expected. But what to get the teacher? How about candles? No…trust me, he or she probably has enough. Lotion? Once again, please no… we have more lotion than we know what to do with. What about that cute wreath made from crayons you saw on Pintrest? No… put the crayons down and walk away slowly. As a former teacher, I can give you the scoop on gifts that **most** teachers would love.

Teacher Gift Guide

A Thoughtful Note
Teaching can be tough. We try hard to create lessons that engage our students. Some days everything goes great. We feel invincible. Other days though, everything goes horribly wrong (and those are the days the principal usually decides to make a surprise visit to your classroom). A heartfelt note helps remind us of why we went into teaching, and lets us know we are making a difference (even though it sometimes doesn’t feel like it).

Your Time
I have been blessed to work in schools with stellar parental involvement. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without their help. **Most** teachers really do enjoy having parents (this includes both moms AND dads) involved in the classroom. Not only is it helpful to us, but the students think its awesome too. That being said, just showing up unannounced is not helpful. Be sure to contact your teacher to ask when you can come in. Need some ideas on how you can volunteer your time?

*Come in to read a book to the students
*If your teacher uses centers, ask if you can help run a center
*Help clean up the classroom at the end of the year
*Cut out laminated items
*Make copies (this one probably depends on your schools copy policy, some schools may not allow parents to do this).
*Come in once a week to organize the classroom library

Books for the Classroom
This is geared more towards Elementary School teachers, but books are awesome. We love books. Seriously. I think teachers are more excited about the Scholastic Book Order than the students are. We are always looking to grow our classroom library. You could give the teacher a copy of your child’s favorite book with a little note on the inside cover. You may even introduce your teacher to a new book they have never heard of before.

Gift Cards
You really can’t go wrong with gift cards. It doesn’t have to be a big amount. A small amount to Starbucks that pays for a coffee is awesome. Any amount to Target makes our day. Really though, if you didn’t know, teachers love Target just as much as moms. The dollar bin offers endless ideas for the classroom, and they have Sharpies. One can never have too many Sharpies. You could also go in with other parents and get an Amazon gift card, or perhaps one to a restaurant. The possibilities are endless, and all appreciated.

Food
Not just any food… junk food. Most teachers I know have snacks hidden in their classroom. We dip into these snacks on days we have a teacher meeting after school, days that the kids have indoor recess of the umpteenth time, or days that just aren’t going great (see the first point). I was originally going to say chocolate, but not everyone likes chocolate (I. Just. Don’t. Get. It) or may have allergies. So, find out what snack your child’s teacher does like to divulge in, and stock them up.

Wine/Beer
So, this one is tricky. These gifts should only be bought if you know, for a fact, that the teacher imbibes and would appreciate the gift. Also, you would need to drop off the gift yourself.

So there you have it. I hope these ideas are helpful if you do chose to get your teacher a gift (remember, we don’t expect gifts).

Breaking Up With My Maternity Clothes

I’m in a toxic relationship.

I’m in love with my maternity clothes but they don’t love me back. I can’t seem to let go no matter how many times I try to cut ties and walk away.

Our love affair began as soon as my belly popped around 16 weeks into my pregnancy.  I loved being able to live in stretchy leggings and blousy tops.  As my bump grew I wasn’t afraid to wear tighter tank tops or shirts to show off my belly. I embraced my growing and changing body.  

36 Week Bump

Since my son was born, things have changed.  I focused on maintaining a pretty healthy diet and exercise regiment so I was lucky to lose most of my baby weight quickly, however, my shape just isn’t quite the same. 

Now, I am 7 months postpartum and even though my regular clothes are beginning to fit more and more each day, I can’t seem to let go of my maternity jeans, leggings, and baggy tops. On several occasions, I’ve packed these items away, only to find myself dragging out the box at 6:00 a.m. when I’m desperately trying to find something comfortable to wear to work.

When I get to work and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I realize that these ill-fitting clothes are not kind to my appearance or my confidence. My jeans and pants are loose in all the wrong places, tops hang too long in front and short in the back, and that belly band is not so secret as it bunches underneath my shirt. I immediately become self-conscious of my figure and spend the rest of the day tugging at my clothes in an attempt to cover everything that looks wrong.

Despite this, I keep all those clothes close-by and this scenario plays itself out day-in and day-out.

I’m stuck in this pendulum swing where my old clothes don’t fit and my maternity clothes are too big. I rationalize that I don’t want to spend money on clothes for my current figure, hoping that my current size and shape is temporary.  

It’s time for an intervention.  Just because I am still uncomfortable in my own skin does not mean I need to hide under clothes that don’t fit me well. 

I need to STOP wearing my maternity clothes. This includes bras, underwear, pants, leggings, jeans, dresses, shirts, tank tops, all of it!  I’m quitting, Cold Turkey!

I am not doing myself or my confidence any favors by continuing to wear clothes that don’t flatter my figure.  

All the clothes have been packed away and stored in the basement, 2 floors from my closet and hopefully out of sight, out of mind.

Packed Up Clothes

In an attempt to get some new clothes into my closet without breaking the bank, I’ve been in touch with some girlfriends and organized a clothing swap. I’ve also been keeping an eye on clearance sales at some of my favorite stores.    

I DID go out and buy a pair of jeans.  Having a pair of jeans that fit is definitely a key to feeling comfortable and confident.

I’m hoping by incorporating a few new items into my wardrobe I can get through another month or so before the summer season comes along. Then I’ll have to deal with bathing suit shopping!

Are there maternity clothes that you can’t seem to let go? How did you deal with the in-between stages from maternity wear to post-baby body clothing?

Jessica’s Mommy Makeover

Who doesn’t love a day devoted to them?! A day to feel amazing and beautiful! Last Saturday DMB took over Salon Legato in Birmingham and made one lucky lady feel like a princess. Jessica was nominated for our Mommy Makeover by her friend Amy who had nothing but inspiring words to say about her. She shared Jessica’s undeniable love for her daughters and the fact that she works 4 jobs just to give her girls what they need. That she is selfless and loves unconditionally.  That she needed a day to make her feel special! A HUGE shoutout to Salon Legato for making all of this possible! 

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Facial, Hair and Makeup – Salon Legato Birmingham

Jessica’s day begin with a warm greeting from the Salon Legato staff.  Within minutes Jessica was whisked away for her facial which we hear was pretty relaxing. The staff are wonderful and their hospitality is genuine.  The location is cute and inviting. If you haven’t been there make it a point to stop in and see what they have to offer. 

MommyMakeoverHair

Jenn (hair + makeup): A professional since 2012, Jenn has worked with Aveda her entire career. Also classically trained with Vidal Sassoon & Vivienne Mackinder, Jenn makes her education a priority, taking annual classes and believes that learning never ends. She takes pride in helping guests achieve fashion forward looks, and focuses on providing a relaxing experience. Jenn gets her inspiration from learning and traveling the world.

Rachel (facial): A Spa Ambassador with Aveda, Rachel has been licensed since 2013. She has been with Aveda her entire career, both receiving her education at and educating students in Aveda. Rachel has developed a deep passion for wellness and skincare. Her ultimate goal is to educate her guests in achieving comprehensive esthetic balance and provide the perfect environment to stimulate mental, spiritual & physical well being.

Lunch from Toast Birmingham

Oh my, if you haven’t been to Toast you have no idea what you’re missing. Jessica got the vegetarian burrito and absolutely loved it! Thanks for making her lunch special. 

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Flowers from Blossoms 

The flowers were absolutely beautiful and smelled amazing! There is something to be said about fresh flowers on a day designed just for you! Jessica was greeted by these beauties when she sat down to eat lunch. 

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Cupcakes from The Cupcake Station

These cupcakes are SO delicious! She’ll receive a cupcake a month for an entire year! If you haven’t had their cupcakes you won’t be disappointed. They may just be some of our favorites in the metro Detroit area.  

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Outfit from Madison Boutique 

Nikki, the owner of Madison Boutique is a style genius. She knows what you’ll look flattering in and what color makes your eyes pop. She is honest and real in her suggestions. She chose the perfect outfit for Jessica. A color that looked absolutely fabulous on her and a look that made her feel a little daring and beautiful. Nikki encouraged her to step out of her comfort zone without making her feel uncomfortable. Thanks Nikki! 

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Photos by kmbDetails 

We love Kate over here at DMB. First and foremost she’s a mom and totally gets it! She made Jessica feel stunning walking her around downtown Birmingham snapping  beautiful pictures of her. It’s not too often that we get pictures of ourselves, hair done and dressed up. Thanks Kate!

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Dinner at The Bird and The Bread

Jessica enjoyed dinner with her husband the night of her makeover. She was all dressed up so why not head out on the town and enjoy the European comfort food inspired concept The Bird & The Bread has to offer. A huge thanks to The Bird & The Bread helping Jessica end her night with a delicious dinner. 

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A Night at The Townsend Hotel 

Ahhhhhh, luxury away from home! Nestled in downtown Birmingham this is the perfect night away. Jessica received a one night stay at this gorgeous hotel and we can’t wait to hear all about it! She’ll be saving this for her one year wedding anniversary in the fall. Stay tuned…

Townsend Banner

 

A Guide to Day Trips In + Around Detroit

“Got a good reason for taking the easy way out…”

John Lennon was {probably} not talking to parents of small children, but he is definitely on to something here. While family vacations are amazing, they’re an awful lot of work and planning when the kids are small: packing up all the baby gear, finding kid {and budget} friendly lodging, trying to get the kids to fall asleep in a strange bed {when they’ll barely fall asleep in their own}…

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If you’d like to get the family out for a Day Trip in + around Detroit this summer, check out what these awesome Michigan cities have to offer!!

ANN ARBOR

Why We Love It

If you bleed maize and blue, then the reasons are pretty clear! If not, there’s still a ton to love! (You might just want to leave your green and white at home…) This college town has a whole different vibe in the summertime, and there’s plenty to see and do with little ones! And, hey, if the NCAA manages to get Harbaugh to quit with his satellite camps, you might even catch a football practice at the Big House!

What To Do

Where To Eat

Summer Events

AUBURN HILLS

Why We Love It

Auburn Hills is getting a lot of play lately for the new attractions added to Great Lakes Crossing in the past few years, but the truth is it’s long been one of Metro-Detroit’s best kept secrets! There’s certainly lots to do at the mall (that secret’s long been out, so if you can hit it on a weekday that would be best to avoid the crowds!), but the downtown is also the perfect family date day! Grab breakfast at The Toasted Bun, walk down to Riverside Park, head back up for some ice cream at Sweets, and then head to the mall!

What To Do

Where To Eat

Summer Events

CLARKSTON

Why We Love It

After seeing Kid Rock bring Guy Fieri here for an episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, my mac-and-cheese-loving husband insisted we head to the Clarkston Union Bar & Kitchen to try it out. Located inside a renovated church, this is the companion restaurant to the well-loved Union Woodshop just down the street and its other sister-store Union General. This historic city is the perfect midwest throwback to slow down your summer and enjoy a wonderful day with family.

What To Do

Where To Eat

Summer Events

DEARBORN

Why We Love It

Hometown of Henry Ford and some of the best Middle Eastern food you can get in the Western hemisphere! If it’s a beautiful day, take a stroll back in time at Greenfield Village. Raining? Head over to the Henry Ford Museum for plenty of incredible exhibits that will entertain you as much as your children! If you need another excuse to head over, Dearborn’s Homecoming festival in early August has some of the best fireworks you’ll ever see!

What To Do

Where To Eat

Summer Events

DETROIT

Why We Love It

Obviously, at Detroit Moms Blog we are {super} passionate about our downtown! There are so many new– and renewed– opportunities for family fun, you could definitely make day-tripping downtown your summer-standby entertainment! Maybe you spend the morning at Eastern Market, grab lunch at a food truck, and walk over to Mootown Creamery for dessert. You also could certainly spend  all day at Belle Isle, visiting the aquarium, botanical gardens, and nature zoo and packing a picnic to eat near the awesome playscapes.  Or perhaps you hit one of the hot new restaurants for brunch (we’re partial to the weekend brunch at Corktown’s Bobcat Bonnie’s — not that the $3 Build-Your-Own Mimosa or Bloody Mary Bar has anything to do with that) and then drive over to Campus Martius to see the fountains and play in the sand box. And, of course, what would summer be without a Tigers game at Comerica Park?

What To Do

Where To Eat

Summer Events 

EAST LANSING/LANSING

Why We Love It

Whether you once called Spartan Country your home or want to show your children our great state’s capitol, there’s plenty to learn, do, and see! Make it an educational day to learn about Michigan and explore museums, or enjoy the weather by paddleboarding on the Grand River!

What To Do 

Where To Eat

Summer Events

FRANKENMUTH

Why We Love It

 Turns out, Germany is just a tank of gas away! Stroll the streets of Little Bavaria, taste the gold medal winning IPA — or one of the other dozens of craft beers– at The Frankenmuth Brewery, indulge in an all-you-can-eat fried chicken dinner, or float down Cass River on a paddleboat tour. You can even head over to Bronner’s– where it’s Christmas all year round– and get a super-jump on your holiday shopping (you can even hit the outlets at Birch Run if you’re really shopping-motivated!!).

What To Do

Where To Eat

Summer Events

GRAND RAPIDS

Why We Love It

Once again, we’ve got a city that gives you plenty of options no matter what the unpredictable Michigan weather brings. Unplanned storm? No problem! There’s a variety of museums to check out, ranging from the hands-on exhibits at the Children’s Museum to the artsy or historical experiences at the Grand Rapids Art Museum or the newly renovated Gerald R. Ford Museum.  Beautiful weather?? You can drive about 40 minutes west to check out the beach at Grand Haven!

What To Do

Where To Eat

Summer Events

KALAMAZOO

Why We Love It

Sure, you may tell your kids you’re going for the Air Zoo, but it certainly doesn’t hurt that K-Zoo has several breweries to choose from. After a long morning with over-stimulated children, a cold beer might be just what you need before you hit your afternoon activities!

What To Do 

Where To Eat

Summer Events 

MILFORD

Why We Love It

With six parks within the village boundaries, Milford is a wonderful summer destination to enjoy the great Michigan outdoors. With both a great downtown and a classic Michigan small-town feel, Milford offers something for everyone! Canoeing is big here, so rent a few canoes from Heavner and take a 45-minute paddle to Central Park, where you can eat some packed lunches, let the kids play, or walk into town to explore and grab lunch. You can paddle back up, or have Heavner do a van pick-up for a little extra money!

What To Do 

Where To Eat

Summer Events

Is your favorite Day Trip missing??? Please comment below with any awesome destinations we should add to our list!

Survival Skills for Your Infant: Water Safety {Sponsored Post}

Survival Skills for Your Infant: Water Safety

All new parents have a unique and never-to-be-replicated story – their own personal miracle. In talking to new parents, we find that each of these stories shares a common thread that leads us to conclude three things: 1. Babies are strong, 2. Babies are smart and 3. Momma Bear strength is real.

As new parents, there is nothing we wouldn’t do to protect our children. We love the strong mental imagery associated with Momma Bear moments – miraculous feats such as mothers lifting vehicles to rescue their children. We also share a “biggest fear,” which is not being there with our superhuman strength when our babies need us most.

It’s important that we teach our children survival skills as young as possible. One of the earliest skills we can teach our strong and smart babies may surprise you: water safety.

As a parent, we can begin teaching our child water safety as young as 4 months old.  But how many of us can kick into Momma Bear mode to teach such a risky lesson – especially if we don’t know how to swim? We met with Goldfish Swim School and learned about the safety skills they teach infants (and parents can learn too!).

It’s really a simple concept, but witnessing it firsthand will astound you. When children fall into the water, their natural instinct is to swim to the nearest object they see. This is often an unsafe distance across a body of water or pool. Goldfish Swim School teaches infants to turn around. Then to get out of the pool, infants are taught to remember Elbow, Elbow, Tummy, Knee.  Your child feels such a sense of accomplishment, and as a parent you are amazed at what the child has learned and calmer knowing he or she can play safer.

With you as the Momma Bear and a resource such as Goldfish Swim School, your kids can be safer in and around water and have more fun too!

Looking for a gentle, fun way to introduce your baby to the water? Then join Goldfish Swim School for a Bubbles’ Baby class.* This FREE trial class for infants between the ages of 3 and 6 months is a great way to bond while getting your baby comfortable with the water. Join Goldfish Swim School and enjoy fun activities such as blowing bubbles and singing songs while introducing important water safety and early swim skills.

* The FREE Bubbles’ Baby trial class is available only at participating locations. Please contact the Goldfish Swim School nearest to you to find out more: http://goldfishswimschool.com.

 

Detroit Moms Blog has partnered with Goldfish Swim School  for this sponsored post.  We love this business and all that it offers to families!  Read on for more info.}

 

 

 

 

Confessions of a Peanut-Allergy Mom

Sunflower butter is a staple in our house!

I never thought I’d be that mom.  That mom is so weird.  The mom that doesn’t let her child eat baked goods at others’ houses because they don’t have an ingredients label for her to study.  The mom that keeps a stash of “safe” snacks in her bag, just in case her kid is offered a Reese’s cup.  The mom that doesn’t leave home without her emergency kit – complete with Benadryl and an EpiPen.  I never thought I’d be that mom, however once I learned of my son’s peanut allergy, I became that mom.

I think we can all agree that mom guilt is an all too real side effect of parenting.  That being said, I don’t need to add to the guilt that already keeps me up until the wee hours of the morning.  So do me a favor and spare me the details of the article on peanut allergies that you read on Facebook.  I’ve heard it all.  No, my child did not contract his allergy from a vaccination.  Yes, I ate peanuts while I was pregnant and breastfeeding.  And no, I don’t need you to make me feel as if this is my fault.  I have enough to worry about – like how we’re going to deal with trick or treating one day when the time comes.

sunflower butter
SunButter is a staple in our house!

I confess, I annoy myself sometimes.  I spend entirely too much time in the grocery store reading the labels on everything.  And I still miss things.  I’ll never forget the time I bought neapolitan ice cream, not thinking anything of it.  After my son finished an entire serving, my husband innocently asked “is this safe?.”  Of course this was the one item that I didn’t check and of course, under the allergy warnings, in big bold letters, it read CONTAINS PEANUTSPeanuts?!  Really?!  No, it wasn’t just manufactured in a facility that also handles peanut products, this ice cream actually contained the lethal nut.  I’ll never understand how peanuts come into play in chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry ice cream, but it taught me that I can never be too careful!

I confess, I know that I come across as a rude houseguest or restaurant diner.  Heck, I’d find it rude if I saw someone inspecting everything in my fridge, too.  And I know how brazen I sound when I ask “what’s in this?” to everything you serve.  No, I’m not picky.  I actually love (all) food.  I’m just a mom that loses way too much sleep at night wondering if her kid might have somehow found a Peanut M&M under the couch.  Seriously, this is just one of the crazy thoughts that run through my head at night.  Insane, I know.

I confess, I love peanut butter.  When my son is at Grandma’s house, I may or may not enjoy a box or two of Tagalong Girl Scout cookies to myself.  Do I blame my son for making our house a peanut-free zone?  Nope.  If anything, I’ll thank him one day.  His allergy has made my appreciation for one of my favorite foods even greater.  Trust me, go weeks or even months without your favorite sweet and it will taste a bajillion times better when you finally get the chance to indulge!

Before I had I peanut-allergy kid, I laughed at moms like me.  So if you think I’m ridiculous and over protective, I get it.  But coming in contact with that seemingly innocent little nut could possibly kill my baby.  So please don’t complain that your kid can’t bring a PB&J to school because of kids like mine.  

I’ve compiled a list of my family’s favorite peanut (and tree-nut) free packaged snacks.  No, these aren’t the healthiest choices, but we all deserve some fun sometimes, right?  Not a peanut-allergy family?  These are great options for school parties to be considerate of kids with allergies, as well.

Peanut-Free Treats:

  • Pepperidge Farm Goldfish
  • Annie’s Bunny Grahams
  • Oreos
  • Cheez-It Crackers
  • Honey Maid Graham Crackers
  • Chips Ahoy
  • Teddy Grahams
  • Craisins
  • Hershey’s Kisses
  • Skeeter Nut-Free Products

Do YOU have a peanut-free treat suggestion to add to this list?

How Doc McStuffins Taught My Kids About Gender Roles

Doc

I used to not pay much attention to what my girls watched on television. As long as it was a ‘kid-friendly’ station, I was secure in walking away to tend to other duties. It wasn’t until I actually watched a few episodes of Doc McStuffins that I began to truly appreciate it. I know, funny, but hear me out. On the surface, Doc McStuffins features a young girl whose stuffed animals come to life when no one else is around. She is an expert on fixing boo-boos and diagnosing important ailments like fear of the dark and bed-wetting. Cute, right? But, upon further inspection (I’ve watched a lot of Doc McStuffins –  don’t judge), I realized that the show features a mom who is a doctor and a stay at home DAD. I really appreciate this because now my girls won’t assume that dads can’t stay at home and moms cannot work outside of the home.

I compare this to when ‘The Cosby Show’ was on tv. It featured a family with both a lawyer and doctor as parents. For the first time in my recollection, the wife not only worked outside of the home but, had a prestigious occupation. This show created balance to the typical stay at home mom and working dad script. The Cosby Show also broke stereotypes since the family was African-American. Ground-breaking on numerous levels. 

Just like how The Cosby Show was to me, Doc McStuffins is going against the grain.

 They’re changing the family landscape and redefining what “normal” looks like. Today’s cartoons are entertaining but, some of them, are pushing the envelope and teaching important lessons. We all have the power to make our own rules. Our kids are definitely watching. 

Is there a particular cartoon you’ve noticed pushing the envelope? Please share in the comments below!

Goodbye, Kindergarten

Goodbye Kindergarten-

This was a huge year for me as a mom. You see, you took my five-year-old son into your ranks last fall. In the blink of an eye my adorable, six-pound peanut turned into a precocious fifty-pound little man, waving to me from the school bus window as it drove away. I’ll never forget how my breath caught as I watched that bus pull out of my view. My son was so excited, and I was terrified! ‘Keep him safe,’ I thought, ‘please take care of my baby’.

Goodbye, Kindergarten
photo credit @kmbDetails

Five-year-olds are so magically innocent. Riding on his bike or playing on the swing-set make my son’s face positively light up. He finds joy in the simplest things, like when he wore his new backpack and carried his new lunchbox around the house before the school-year even began. I have a vivid memory of him grinning from ear-to-ear: he was so incredibly excited to start his year with you, Kindergarten. And I thought: this, if I could just bottle this moment. This was a moment I wanted to remember forever, because in some ways it would never happen again. I knew that my son’s magical innocence was about to get the first few dings in its armor while spending the year with you, Kindergarten.

Goodbye, Kindergarten

I’m not knocking you, Kindergarten. If anything, I recognize that you’re kind of a big deal. At school orientation you were touted as the “New First Grade”, and I just hoped my son was up for the challenges you’d present. ‘Armor dinging’ isn’t all bad: children need to grow in all the ways that you offer – academically, socially and emotionally. These are building blocks to the ultimate goals of independence and self-sufficiency. I wouldn’t be a good parent if I didn’t let my son spread his wings and learn to fly. But learning to fly is challenging, and inevitably involves tripping and falling. And that’s such a hard reality for parents: we know first-hand how hard life lessons can be, we understand that they are essential for our childrens’ growth, but sometimes it’s just so hard to watch our little ones muddle through the steps.

I will say this, Kindergarten: I wasn’t quite prepared for the school-bus-bully incident. That was a life lesson that I don’t think my son needed to muddle through quite so soon. He wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t either. Neither of us were prepared for a fourth grader to call my son “ugly” or to stomp on his beloved artwork. I wasn’t prepared to witness my little man crying big tears as he ran off of the school bus at the end of the day, shrinking into the welcoming fold of my awaiting arms. Bullying wasn’t a life lesson that either of us should have had to encounter yet. But people can be mean and unkind. It hurts. Unfortunately, it’s something that we, as humans, have to encounter and negotiate. Even as Kindergartners.

There were some great moments throughout the year, too, Kindergarten. Like when my little man was chosen to read out loud at the school assembly, when he made numerous social connections on and off the playground, or when he taught me what a Line of Symmetry was on his Octonauts Octopad toy (for the record, I had absolutely no idea what my mini mathematician was talking about!). The best moment came when my little guy achieved his ultimate school-year goal of Leader of the Week. His teacher knew it was important to him, and helped my son map out a plan for success. He worked so hard throughout the year, and was so incredibly proud of himself when he was chosen. It was a proud mom moment as well….I may have even shed a few, happy tears. What an awesome life lesson for my little guy, on so many levels. He learned to work hard, play fair, and never stop trying!

Goodbye, Kindergarten

As we witness our children pass through the cycles of life, and learn its many lessons, we encounter reminders of what it was like to be a kid: the innocence, the excitement, the curiosity, the occasional heartbreak. It’s wonderful and terrifying all at once to watch our children negotiate the world and grow as individuals.  Kindergarten, I’m still so new to all of this! You were one of the first in a long line of rites of passage that my son and I will face together. Thank you for being there in my stead, for watching over my baby, for keeping him safe, secure, engaged and curious throughout the school year. Thank you for helping my little man begin to shape the student, classmate, friend and overall person that he is becoming.

Goodbye, Kindergarten.

While I’m not sure if my breath (or my heart!) will ever stop catching when that school bus pulls away from the curb with my baby on-board, I do have a much better understanding of where my son is headed, the challenges he will face, the life lessons he will continue to learn, and how I can best support him, wholeheartedly, from the not-too-distant sidelines!

I Am Her

My Children Will Not Become Brock Turner

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As I read the reports of the Stanford swimmer who raped a young woman in the dirt behind a dumpster, the words of his father, the victim’s powerful statement, and the backlash from his resulting slap-on-the-wrist punishment it makes my stomach turn.  There are so many reasons why I can taste the churning acid in my throat every time I read his name, but the main one is because I was “her”.

I was raped the summer after my freshman year of college.  This is the first time I have said those words, and to some extent I have a hard time believing them to be true.  The brain has a way of distorting facts and situations in a manner that helps align them with the reality we want, instead of the reality that is.  I would say the specifics of the situation are unimportant, but that isn’t true because young men need to understand that behavior that they may deem innocuous is actually rape.

I was back in my hometown and newly single.  I hadn’t had the opportunity to date as much as I would have liked to in high school, and I was excited at the prospect of seeing and flirting with some of my old crushes.  It was Memorial weekend and I went with a group of girlfriends to a party where we knew some of these “crushes” may be.  I drank, danced, laughed, and flirted with several guys, but nothing went beyond that.  I was staying at a friend’s house that night (with no adult supervision) so my group of girlfriends and I decided to call it a night and head back.  We invited the group of guys we had been flirting with back to her house.  They said they were going to hang out at the party for a bit longer, but that they may come by later.  Full disclosure: I kissed my soon-to-be-rapist as I left and told him that I hoped to see him later.  The alcohol took its hold pretty quickly once we left and I proceeded to pass out in my friend’s sister’s room once we got back to her house.  The next thing I remember is waking up naked next to the guy who I had invited back.  There was a used condom on the floor next to my underwear and I had flash memories of him kissing me, and then being on top of me.  I never consented.  I was not promiscuous and had only been with two long-term boyfriends prior to this night.  Thankfully, that is really all I ever remembered of this event.

My friends knew that I was passed out, but they thought he would see that and either pass out too, or leave.  He didn’t.  They nervously laughed and joked about being able to hear the activity coming out of the bedroom, but never thought to intercede.  In my humiliation over the events, I played it off like I had gotten exactly what I had wanted.  My rapist was so conceited that he asked me out again.  I am ashamed to say that I said yes.  I guess it was a defense mechanism to the real trauma that was brewing under the surface.  It would be years before I could become intimate with another guy without being intoxicated.  If a guy came near me when I hadn’t been drinking my body would start to tremble and almost convulse to the point that I drank all the time.  No one noticed because that is what college students do.   

I don’t know if I will ever have the courage to speak these truths to my children.  I don’t necessarily think that my life needs to become a cautionary tale, and to be honest my life doesn’t look like the negative consequence that I want people to associate with my rapist’s atrocious actions.  I do know that I will teach my children to have respect for others, men and women alike.  I will counsel them against underage drinking and binge drinking because that is often when bad decisions are made.  I will make it clear to them that unless someone, male or female, makes the conscious and unequivocal choice to have sex, the answer is NO.  And that there will also be times when even if the answer seems to be yes, they should use their good judgment to walk away if the circumstances warrant it.  I will tell them how the damaging effects of these actions will not only devastate the victim, but also the offender and their respective families.  I will make sure they know that momentary lapses can have devastating consequences that may last a lifetime.  Most importantly, I will teach them that only they can control their actions, and that they will be held accountable for them. 

I only wish that I would have made my rapist accountable for his actions.  I hope in my heart that he didn’t inflict himself on any other individuals, but I fear as I write this that he likely did.  He probably wouldn’t even recognize that this story is about him if he read it.  His parents raised a rapist, I will not.

 

Running and Motherhood

As the weather starts to warm up, I am trying to recommit myself to a running routine. I haven’t always been a runner.  In fact, I didn’t hit my stride (pun intended) until late in my twenties.  My husband and I struggled with infertility and we both turned to running as a means of dealing with our stress and frustration.  The habit stuck and even though my commitment to running ebbs and flows, I have found so much value in the sport.  Most of all, I have found it a valuable time for reflection.

Run Momma, Run!
Run Momma, Run!

Keeping up with a regular running routine has not been easy since my son was born.  I have taken him out with me in his stroller but I feel serious mom guilt when the temperatures are chilly or the snowflakes are flying. Not to mention the fact that I’m having a hard time getting my motivation back and pushing a stroller just makes the workout even harder to tackle.  When my husband is home it is easier to get out the front door and log a few miles on my own or even hit the treadmill (or ‘dreadmill’) in the basement.  

My little running buddy at 4 weeks
My little running buddy at 4 weeks

 

Lake Orion Resolution Run 2016
Lake Orion Resolution Run 2016

Motherhood is challenging and those few minutes of alone time let me sort out all of the mommy-mess rolling around in my head. The way I see it, keeping up with a regular running routine is helping me to be a better mom.

How running and parenting go hand-in-hand:

Focus on the future
As each foot hits the pavement during a run, it’s easy to get lost in the mundane rhythm as I stare at the concrete mile after mile. When I remember to pick my head up it helps me visualize the end goal and the road ahead.  Whether it be 3 miles or 13 miles, it’s important to keep my focus on the finish line.

My role as a mother is also an exercise in visualization.  It is easy to get overwhelmed by the day-to-day, when there is so much to look forward to in the coming weeks. No matter how many times I wash the bottles, clean spit-up off my clothes, or change another diaper blow-out I have to remember it’s going to change and one day I’ll miss these days (well, maybe not the diaper blow-outs).

Run with a herd
Find support.  Running with a partner or group of women helps me keep pace, challenge myself to run faster, and run longer.  It also helps me find joy and fun in what might otherwise be a grueling task.  

I’m finding that having a group of ladies that are also new mothers, experiencing the same tribulations and triumphs has given me the same support. My husband and I joined a parenting group that meets twice a month.  This gives us an opportunity to connect with other parents and talk about our struggles and successes as new parents. They are my “mommy herd”.

Keep at it to see results
Some days I have great runs and then some days my runs turn into walks because I just don’t have the energy or motivation. However, I need to keep reminding myself that doing something is better than doing nothing. The more I stick to it, the more likely I will get results.  

The same is true of parenting.  Some days are easier than others.  My son has really been struggling to nap and sleep at night. In an effort to get him into a routine AND sleeping in his crib, my husband and I have had to endure some pretty rough nights. When it seems we’re making progress one day, the next night might be a total disaster.  In the end, we have to remind ourselves to continue to stick to our plan.  The results will eventually follow.

Take on a challenging task
Hills.  I hate them and would add an extra mile to my run if I could avoid a hill.  But in reality, there are going to be hills, some steeper than others. I can spend my life adding miles to each and every run OR I can man-up and face those hills head on.  

I cannot begin to imagine the challenges and decisions my husband and I are going to have to face as we raise our children. They will be unavoidable and we will have to tackle each challenge as it comes our way.  I am comforted by the fact that wherever there are hills, there is always a valley to follow.

In the end, running and parenting give me an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. I am thankful to have running as an outlet to help shape me into the mom I am, and the parent I want to be. 

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