Do I really have to let go?

A good friend of mine just posted an article that is called “A letter to my future daughters-in-law”, written by a mom who has three boys. Having two boys myself, I had to read it. This mom and author did such a great job writing this. The article is a lot longer but here is a little excerpt.

“There will come a day that this sticky, messy, silly little boy will be yours. He will always be mine, but you will take my place in many ways.
Someday your hand will replace mine. Your eyes will be his peace and your heart will be his home.

It’ll be you he kisses goodnight.

It’ll be you he shares his dreams with.

It’ll be you who comforts him when he is scared.

It’ll be you who holds his heart. The same heart that beats against my chest as I hold him each night.

Someday, darling, that will be you.”

As she goes on she writes about how she is excited to finally have a daughter one day and that she will try her best to make her boys the best husbands possible….super sweet.

As I read that specific part though, I just started to cry at my desk (at work). Good thing no one saw it…embarrassing. But the reason might not be the obvious one…This mom is all excited to welcome a daughter into her family…I am not at all!! Reading this made me realize that there will be THAT DAY where both of my boys will find someone who they will fall in love with. Who they will tell all about their day. Who they will get a hug from when they have a bad day…Someone who will get to spend more time with than their mom (ME).

Just writing this makes me cry again.

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Am I selfish for thinking like this? Shouldn’t I be happy and excited for them when the day comes and they find THAT special person in their lives? Why do I feel like I just want to hug them really tight, put a big rope around us and never let them go? Well, I know why, I don’t want them to replace me. I always want to be the first person on their mind when something happens…not the second or third!

I am very fortunate to have one of the best mother in-laws in the world. I truly do. She accepted me into their family without asking questions…not even when my husband said he is marrying a girl from another country after just knowing her for a couple of months. She somehow trusted his decision. I never asked her what she thought of it…was she concerned for him? Was he doing the right thing?

Thinking 20 years ahead, I am not sure I can say that I will be as ok with it as she was. Right now my little guys are 1 and 3 and require a lot of mommy’s help. By then, they should be more independent and have hopefully learned to make good choices and decisions… I hope. 🙂

I pray that I can be a good mother in-law to the person my sons chose. I will try my best, that is a promise but I know I will not be able to just let go of my little boys. I know…in my heart they will always be my little boys. I need to learn that I will have to share them, but letting go of their hands…I don’t think I can.

Am I the only one with that fear or do you feel the same way?

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