To My Newly Divorced Friend

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I remember the texts you would send. I’d be sitting on my couch, reading your words, and trying to imagine your tears. I would think, Why doesn’t she just leave? How can he treat her like this? Over and over and over again.

I would find my husband that night, and I would pull him in close, just thanking him for who he was. Friend, I didn’t understand.

I would say things like, “I can’t even imagine!” And that’s because I couldn’t.

Friend, you shouldn’t have had to either. You shouldn’t have had those nights awake and worried. You shouldn’t have had to hide those tears from your babies. I can’t even imagine, but friend, I wish you didn’t have to either.

I remember the texts that you were leaving. That pit in my stomach, waiting for you to report his reaction. I would sit and research divorces, laws, and advice while you were there living it. I know we offered our help, but friend, you needed more than that. Being married. Being abused. And leaving. Friend, you needed more. While I sat here in my comfortable house with my comfortable marriage, you were unraveling your sanity and living hour by hour until the next lawyer called.

Before walking through this with you, I had zero exposure to divorce. I knew nothing about it. I know I said I was there for you, but I wish I could have been more.

The system failed you. He failed you.

The system made it harder for you. He made it harder for you.

The system should have helped you more. I wish I could have helped you more.

I was there, but sometimes I felt like I was just watching you struggle.

Here we are though. It’s final; you are out, and you are safe. Yet, I still ask myself, “Is she?”

All moms have super powers, yes. Yet you friend? You are amazing. I read your texts with tears in my eyes, knowing that the life you had has completely changed. I know you are made for such amazing things. We have to walk through the hard to get to the good. Your difficult was so difficult. Somehow the system made you work for it harder than you ever deserved to.

You changed me. Use your voice, friend. Newly divorced and beat down with every punch he threw at you. I see fight within you. You are newly divorced and so strong. The woman and mother that those kids will grow up with is NOT the same woman you were when you were married. You are a force to be reckoned with. Use your voice. The path you walked should not be hidden in silence. I sit here comfortable and shielded from the tribulation, but I watch you rising. This is the life you deserve; this is the life you fought for.

I love you newly divorced friend,

Xo

A married mom.

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