Trying for a baby can be such a fun and exciting time in our lives, but for so many, it has instead become one of the toughest. According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 6 people of reproductive age are impacted by infertility globally. And according to Piedmont Healthcare, approximately one-third of infertility is attributed to the male partner, one-third to the female partner, and one-third is caused by either a combination of problems in both partners or is unexplained.
It can be a challenging journey, not just for those who are experiencing it but also for their loved ones. The emotional roller coaster, endless appointments, financial stress, and uncertainty can take a toll on both physical and emotional well-being. If you have a loved one navigating infertility, it can be hard to know what to say or do to help.
Here are some of the top ways you can offer compassionate support during the challenging infertility journey.
8 Ways to Support a Loved One Navigating Infertility
Be mindful of your words; stay away from giving advice.
Words have immense power, especially when someone is struggling with infertility. Something that may have worked for you, may not work for them. Avoid making insensitive comments or offering unsolicited advice. Phrases like, “Stop stressing and it will happen,” or, “Just relax and have some drinks, that’s what I did,” may come from a well-meaning place, but can be hurtful. Instead, offer words of support, such as, “I’m here for you”.
Check in with them.
Some may think it may be bothersome or annoying to keep checking in with their loved one who is navigating infertility, but oftentimes it’s not! The best way to know whether they would like to be checked in with or not is to just ask. I know personally I really loved when my friends remembered important days like my ultrasounds, appointments, or transfer days. It can help them feel less alone and can help ease their nerves. Of course, always check with them first to make sure it’s okay that you check in with them.
Educate yourself.
Another way to offer support during an infertility journey is to take the initiative to educate yourself about infertility and the various challenges associated with it. This is especially important if they are going through treatment. Try not to drill them with a million questions that can be found on google. Understand the different treatment options, medical procedures, and emotional impact. This will not only help you offer more informed support, but will also show your loved one that you’re invested in understanding their experience.
Offer hope + encouragement.
While navigating infertility can feel overwhelming, offering hope and encouragement can provide much-needed comfort. Remind your loved one that they’re not alone in this journey and that there are support networks and resources available to them. Encourage them to stay positive and resilient, focusing on the possibilities that lie ahead.
Offer practical support.
Believe it or not, there is actually one key phrase that can be absolutely life-changing for someone going through this: “How can I best support you as you go through this?” These could be the exact words someone needs to hear. Whether it’s taking some tasks off their hands as a co-worker at work, or helping with household chores as their partner, any small gesture helps. As a friend you could even offer to cook a meal, send a thoughtful text, or deliver a gift to make them smile and remember that they have your support.
Respect their privacy.
Infertility is a deeply personal journey, and not everyone may feel comfortable discussing it openly. Respect your loved one’s privacy and boundaries regarding sharing their experience. Avoid sharing their story or asking intrusive questions without their consent. Let them lead the conversation and share as much or as little as they’re comfortable with. Letting them know that you are there when they are ready to talk is another great option.
Take care with pregnancy announcements.
If you are a friend and become pregnant, text them instead of surprising them with the news to allow them time to process. Acknowledge their journey too, and understand that they may need some time to digest things before they get super excited. Know that she may not be ready to attend things like baby showers and gender reveals, so try to be understanding about these too. If you see that one of her friends has recently announced their pregnancy, don’t be afraid to check in with her and just let her know you are here to talk/vent if she wants to.
Take time to learn about their experience.
Empathy is key when offering support during an infertility journey. Take the time to understand what they are going through. Make sure to acknowledge the emotional ups and downs they may be facing. Listen without judgment and validate their feelings, even if you may not fully comprehend what they’re going through.
Resources for Support During an Infertility Journey
Facebook groups
Search for infertility support groups on Facebook. Once you join, check out the vibe and know that it’s okay if you don’t resonate with that specific one. There are tons out there, keep trying and don’t give up!
Friends in real life and on social media
Believe it or not, some of the people that helped me the most were ones that I barely knew from social media. Some of us may not have friends in-person that have gone through this, but on social media it may be easier to connect.
Chosen Infertility + Lauren Clements
Lauren is a good friend of mine who founded this incredible non-profit for infertility right here in Michigan. Chosen Infertility Group helps individuals and families make their way through their own infertility journey. Whether they are helping with resources or financially, it is their mission to help bring awareness to the infertility journey. This year they are offering nine grants to help couples cover the cost of fertility treatment including IVF, IUI, Surrogacy, Therapy, and Acupuncture.
If you are looking for assistance with how to navigate infertility, please e-mail Lauren at [email protected] or Samantha at [email protected].
Infertility Clinic Recommendations
- Gago Center for Fertility | Ann Arbor, Brighton, + Lansing
- Michigan Center for Fertility and Women’s Health | Bloomfield Hills, Plymouth, + Warren
- Reproductive Medicine Associates of Michigan | Troy
Acupuncture Recommendations
- Alex Herman, LAc | Bloomfield Hils + Royal Oak
- Asian Healing Traditions | Ann Arbor
- Evolve Acupuncture | Ferndale
- Mike Tocco, LAc, RN
- Huron Point Acupuncture | Port Huron
- Katie Kuhn
- Michigan Associates of Acupuncture and Integrative Medicine | West Bloomfield
- Julie Silver (MSW, Dipl. Ac.)
- Monica Mae Leibson (Dipl. Ac.)
- Julie Shindler-Cohen (MSTOM, Dipl. Ac., Dipl. C.H.)
- Shen Dao Acupuncture & Natural Medicine | Rochester
- Brooke Phillips
Clinical Therapists That Specialize In Infertility
- Amanda Polk LMSW | Berkley | Peace of Mind Therapy
- In person and virtual: (248) 397-4705
- Brooke Stone, MA, LLPC, NCC | Detroit Counseling Collective
- [email protected] |(248) 587-7745
- Claire Hogan | Warren | Michigan Center for Fertility & Women’s Health
- Danielle Gordon | Local PSI Volunteer who can help connect you to therapists
- [email protected] | 248.462.6262
- Deborah Venettis | Troy | (248) 220-1218
- Donna Klebba | Plymouth
- Hillary Follis, LMSW | Bloomfield Hills |
- [email protected] | (248) 761-7084
- Jacqueline Kuehn MA, LPC | Dearborn | State of Grace Counseling
- [email protected] | (734) 210-0231
- Lindsay Brennan, LMSW, CST | Ann Arbor | University of Michigan Center for Reproductive Medicine
- Mitzi Heineman | Saginaw | (989) 791-9712
For more information on infertility, visit https://resolve.org/.
-Guest post submitted by Samantha Dawson/samanthadawson_
