My husband and I met and got married in our late 20s. We knew that starting a family was a top priority once we were married, and we started trying right after our honeymoon. Things were going well, at least in the fact that my cycle was coming regularly. My cycle has always been irregular; sometimes it would be two weeks apart, and sometimes two or three months apart. But then it didn’t show up, so I thought maybe I was pregnant!

So I waited and waited. I reached out to my primary care doctor for a blood test, but it was negative. However, I knew something wasn’t right. I found an OB/GYN and just before my appointment, my cycle started. She didn’t really think much of the fact that it was missing for three months and since I was 29, she said to just keep trying and come back when we had been trying for a year.

I should have asked for at least my bloodwork, to see where my hormones were. But I didn’t. During that three month period I remember having a dream about having triplets. I woke up with a start! I had no clue what that could mean, so I just shrugged it off.

By month ten, I had a few more negative pregnancy tests.

I made a vague post on social media and one of my husband’s cousins reached out and asked if we were having issues conceiving and she told me that they were, too. It was nice to hear from someone who had been where we were. By this point I was really starting to feel like a huge failure. No one in my family struggled to conceive. We were young and healthy. Why weren’t we pregnant already?!

When we were close to the year mark, I called a new clinic and met with an OB/GYN and they ran some bloodwork and my hormones looked good. My FSH was 2. We discussed our options and decided to start Clomid, and I was feeling pretty optimistic. One month later though, I had no period and was NOT pregnant. By now, this was negative pregnancy test #9 or so. So I waited, and waited, and waited. Still no cycle. I had really started feeling bad for myself.

Other people who got married the same year we did were pregnant, so why weren’t we?

It had been three months and still no cycle, so I called my clinic and they had me come in and have my hormones tested. The results came back with high FSH–64 to be exact. This is extremely high for a 20-something woman, even mid-cycle like I was. I was surprised but also relieved to have some answers.

At this point my OB/GYN referred me to an IVF clinic. I was scared and anxious but also a little excited and hopeful. The world of IVF was pretty new to my husband and I. We didn’t think we knew anyone who had done it. Turns out, though, we did–but so many people kept it hush, hush that we had no clue.  

Once all of the testing at the fertility clinic was done, I was diagnosed with high FSH and low AMH (egg count).

Essentially, I was pre-menopausal. My Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) suggested we do IVF as our best way to conceive. I was put on estrogen and progesterone to help lower my FSH and to bring on a cycle in a timely manner. Every month when my cycle came, I went in for bloodwork and an ultrasound.

During the first three months, my FSH was too high. By month 4, my FSH was 23! In healthy women of child bearing age, FSH should be well under 10 on Day 3 of your cycle–my RE wanted it under 20. We were so close. My RE said they were willing to try a medicated cycle if I was. And I was definitely ready, so I said yes!

I started injecting myself with a low dose of two IVF drugs, Menupur and Follistim.

Things were looking good: I had a few follicles growing, and my body was working the way it was supposed to. A few days in, they have you add an injection to help keep you from ovulating too early. My LH started to surge on Day 10 (typically they like day 12 or so) and so instead of canceling the cycle, they had me do a trigger shot (HCG) and go into retrieval early. Retrieval is typically done under anesthesia, so they put me under and when I came to I was told that we were too late. No eggs to collect. I was devastated!

My RE suggested that we go home and try the old fashioned way, just in case. After this cycle I started doing a deep dive on all the ways to try and lower FSH. Wheatgrass and  acupuncture were some of the biggest things. After a bunch of too high cycles, I decided to finally give acupuncture a try. My FSH went from 26.7 to 19! It was time to try another medicated cycle. And this time we knew I may ovulate early, so we were all prepared.

Everything went great. I responded to the meds, I triggered, and I went into retrieval– although this time I was awake. My nurse suggested it, especially since we only had one (maybe two) follicles. It was a very cool experience! My husband had to wait outside; I’m sure he was a nervous wreck. It felt like a really strong pinch and you have to stay super still. But it was so worth it.

As my RE placed the needle in to collect the eggs and then handed it off to the embryologist, we were all waiting on pins and needles to hear what we got.

I got two beautiful eggs, both mature and fertilized. We did a 3-day transfer; I think that with having only a couple of embryos, this was giving them the best rate of survival. And then, the dreaded two week wait.

It had only been 12 days, but I went in for bloodwork. I didn’t even make it back home and they had called to tell me I was pregnant. It was the best phone call! At 5 weeks 6 days, we went in to see if one or two embryos took. Remember that dream I had about triplets? I was kind of freaking out that there may be three in there. It was only one, and their heartbeat was strong. It was a little boy, and he turns seven this summer!

After having my son, I never went back on birth control.

I figured if it was meant to be, it would happen. A year later, though, nothing had happened. I stopped breastfeeding and started supplements to help lower FSH and boost egg quality. And, I started seeing my acupuncturist and even took some Chinese herbs. I went back to my RE and we tried three cycles, but all were canceled for various reasons. Right before the final medicated cycle, we had met with the RE and he said that he was willing to try one more cycle but if it didn’t work out, it might be time to try something else.

Since he didn’t offer donor eggs, we would have to move to a new clinic. I started looking for places that offered donor eggs in the area. I had to come to peace with donor eggs; it had actually been suggested way back with our original RE’s associate. Back then I was definitely not open to it at all. But four years later, after a lot of research, I had come to the conclusion that it was more important to me to have my child be at least biologically related to my husband and son, and I would still be able to carry a baby and bond with it that way.

Once we met with the new clinic and RE, he had me do a few different tests and procedures and just as we were preparing for a donor egg transfer, we found out we were pregnant naturally. We were shocked! My daughter just turned three.

A few things helped support me through this experience.

These included my husband, my mom and sister, and infertility support groups–and especially my faith, I prayed every night! This is not the journey I expected to take to motherhood. But it definitely made me a stronger mom. I’m so glad I went through all of this. It made me understand that everyone’s journey to becoming a mom is different, but in the end we are all in this together. So if you are struggling to conceive, open up to someone, find someone who has gone through it before, join support groups, and remember that you are not a failure.

–Guest post submitted by Merry Groen