Being more than just Mommy.

As a young child, teen, and young adult, I always knew that at some point, I’d be a mother.  My husband and I met in college, so we had several years of NOT considering parenting, though we both knew we wanted kids – somewhere off in that vague potential called the future!   After he graduated, and we got engaged, the reality of reaching that stage in my life became more realistic, and we loosely considered the possibility of me being a stay-at-home-mom, as we both felt it would be ideal for our future children. 

When our daughter arrived less than two years after our wedding, being a SAHM just wasn’t in the cards financially.  I did have an extended leave, taking about 5 months due to nerve damage after her c-section birth.  Post-partum was a rough ride for me, thanks to a difficult surgical recovery, post-partum depression, and the totally unexpected feelings of isolation that new motherhood brought.  I can still remember very clearly the experience of me disappearing, and being replaced with this new, very tired woman, named Mommy. 

After I went back to work, the old me started to show her face again, and it felt good!  It was also confusing as I started to navigate this new normal, as I really started to digest how my life and all of my responsibilities and relationships had changed.  I struggled to balance my professional life and career with my personal life as a wife and parent.  I felt guilt over being away from my daughter, and at the same time freedom from my daughter!

Over the next few years life organized itself into a good place and my career flourished, as did my marriage and friendships.  I was loving watching my daughter grow into an awesome little person.  Then my husband and I decided we wanted another child.  We weren’t “trying” very hard, but we weren’t preventing, and we didn’t expect much, as it took about a year to conceive our daughter.  This time,  I got pregnant right away, miscarried at 8 weeks, and got pregnant again the following month.  It all seemed to happen so quickly, and soon enough we were happily awaiting the birth of our son in March 2013.

This time around we were at very different places in our careers and knew that we wanted me to take a year off to be with the kids.  My husband wasn’t sure I’d make a year, and most of my professional peers agreed that I’d be chomping at the bit to go back to work by the time my son was 6 months old.  I agreed.  I didn’t think I had the makings of a full time mom!  I was very pleasantly surprised though, to find that I enjoyed being with my kids every day.  I LOVED daily life with a preschooler and an infant, adventuring around town with NO expectation of constant emails, phone calls, texts, and stress that my automotive career used to provide.  Being a stay at home parent wasn’t easy by any stretch, but I felt like I was enjoying life and my kids more than I had as a career mom.

My second past-partum recovery was overall a better experience, and making some good mom-friends helped keep that isolated feeling at bay, but I still felt *me* slip away again and that “mommy” lady took my place.  As I navigated through that first year of full time parenting, we again found our new routine and as my son grew from infant to toddler, becoming more independent, I started to feel like there was something missing.  Me.

My life revolved around my children and my husband, and I wasn’t doing much of anything for myself.  As much as I loved them all, I found myself a bit resentful and not very happy in general.  With encouragement from my husband, I started going to yoga classes and started making time to see some of my friends, sans children – and it felt GOOD to be active, to do something just for ME, and to reconnect with friends. 

I also got a call from my employer about going back to work, but my heart wasn’t in it.  I’m blessed that I worked for people who valued me, and I was offered a part time position which I accepted and still enjoy today.  It’s a nice balance to have a couple of days each week to use my brain for things other than meal planning, nose wiping, and strategizing how to make nap time last longer!  

Around the same time, I also went back to school, to train to become a traditional naturopath.  Natural health methods were something that had become part of everyday life in our home, and it just felt like the right move.  The first day of class, I knew I had found my niche – and it’s so amazing to know that eventually, I will be doing something I’m truly passionate about and feel proud of.

There are days when I wish that being a wife and mother was enough for me, and days when I feel selfish for needing time to myself.  But when I return to my family – whether it be after an hour of yoga, or a weekend at school – I’m refreshed and better equipped to be the best parent and partner I can be.  And I know it’s ok for me to be more than just Mommy.

I am a mom.  I’m also a wife, a friend, a student, a small business owner, and an employee, among other things – and it doesn’t detract from my parenting, but adds to it.