My Best Friend Made Me Smell

Dear Cigarettes,

You and I were best friends for 15 years.  And, although we haven’t been together since I got married, I’ve missed you, but don’t think I’ll be taking you back anytime soon. Now I have a husband (who was a catalyst of our break-up) and two kiddos.  

You were very sneaky, how you wriggled your way into my life and I didn’t even realize I needed to have you around, but I did.  

I loved you.  There.  I said it.  A cup of coffee just tasted better with you.  You were always there for me at happy hour after work too. You were my comfort and security blanket.   In the back of my head, every time I spent ten dollars on you, I knew I should have just walked away, but I didn’t.  

People that have never had a relationship with you probably think I’m crazy.  For the smokers, past smokers and secret smokers (you know you are out there), I bet  you know exactly what I’m talking about.

I broke up with you for good the day before my wedding.  My fiancee hated you.  I even lied about our relationship when I started dating him.  But, he saw through it and luckily stayed with me!

As for my kids, right now at 10 months and three-and-a-half, they don’t need to know about you. But, someday I’ll tell them.  I’ll tell them that, yes, you and I were together for many years.  I started young, because everything around me (except my parents) said you were cool and sexy! I looked grown up and sophisticated.  I’ll tell them how my best friend was also my worst habit.  I’ll be honest with them too.  I’ll tell them how much money  I wasted on you.  How you got in the way of my other friendships.  That I’ve lost jobs because of you and have potentially damaged my health.  

Now, once in a while, I see you around with someone else.  You’ve moved on also……to the sixteen year old boy behind his parents garage.  Or (like I did) sneaking a smoke from her older brother’s pack at thirteen.  And, that’s not cool.

I hope when my boys are close to the age when they will notice you, you will be out of style.  I hope none of their friends smoke and it will be taboo in social circles.  Since you are not allowed in any restaurants anymore, hopefully I’m not dreaming. I hope that being honest with them about my experiences, they wont want you as a best friend. Because, lets face it! As a best friend, you stink (literally).

But, Cigarettes, just so we are clear, we are NEVER EVER getting back together.