Oh the mine fields of parenting! I don’t know of a time in history where there was so much controversy over what you feed your baby, but then again I wasn’t raising one at any other time either. When I was expecting my first child I had read every book, sought advice from friends and family -young and old- and thought I knew exactly what the right choice was for feeding my child. Like many choices I made before I had children, I was certain on a plan for how it was all going to work out. I was going to be the “dairy queen” and nurse exclusively for 12 months. I would pump and nurse on-the-go, and would make it work no matter what.
Flash forward to 9 months and 6 weeks later when I found myself in an unlocked room at a courthouse between cases pumping and praying that no one walked in (despite the busy Monday morning docket). Bad news/good news… someone did walk in, but thankfully SHE was very nice and sympathetic and gave me a helpful piece of advice. She said, “when I was in your shoes I supplemented with formula, mixing half and half, so I didn’t have to stress so much about constantly pumping”. Wow! How logical and helpful, without the slightest hint of judgment. My pediatrician had been adamant that I exclusively breast feed for at least 6 months, but with a less-than consistent schedule when I returned to work it became a logistical nightmare to try to pump regularly, or even for a necessary length of time to express at all. The truth of the matter was that I didn’t know anyone who had tried to continue to exclusively nurse under my specific set of circumstances because… NEWS FLASH: no one’s circumstances are the same.
I felt the pressure to keep up with my “plan” from my first day back to work. I had expressed about two weeks worth of breast milk (a/k/a “liquid gold”) before returning from leave, but despite having pumped successfully at home, the dynamics of an office weren’t conducive with its ringing phones, pinging emails, and people knocking on my door. My milk got nervous and decided not to cooperate, that is until the most inopportune moments when it would suddenly start uncontrollably releasing. The reality set in quickly that I needed a new plan as my child seemed to need more ounces each subsequent day than he did the previous one. I panicked every time someone needed to take a bag of my “gold” stash out of the freezer. It was like every ounce that dwindled away was one step closer to me failing at my goal, and let me tell you that I do not fail at anything!
I was so fortunate that my husband was my cheerleader and supported whatever decision worked best for me. I certainly wasn’t ready or willing to give up, but I also had to be realistic about the circumstances I was operating under, and I knew that the most important thing was keeping my baby fed!! I managed to keep up the pace for about 4 months, and then supplemented with formula and nursed/pumped for another 4 months. Both my boys seemed to lose interest in nursing when they became mobile, and I was honestly quite relieved! It was hard, and man do I give props to the women out there who can keep up with it. I know so many women who have pumped with even less ideal circumstances, and you are truly my hero.
With my second child I took a longer leave and didn’t have to be in court anymore, but had a new set of complications in my pumping/nursing goals. As always, I was up for the challenge and I totally mastered the art of pumping-while-driving, but I will leave the dynamics of that for a future post.
*featured image photo credit to Emma Burcusel Photography*
