While I have always known I wanted to be a mom, I have been just as committed to the notion that I would never be solely defined by being a mother.
Hi, I’m Kati, a 38-year-old working wife and mom of four who is firmly grounded in her “more-than-just-a-mom” era. As you can imagine, there isn’t a lot of time that isn’t consumed by parenting and work. But, I always hold space for running, reading, and music:
- While I became an avid runner in my mid-twenties (to support a friend who wanted to get in shape for her wedding), it quickly evolved into my way of processing my emotions (outside of sadness–tears are reserved for the shower).
- A good book will always come before a good night’s sleep. I read 95 books in 2024, some better than others–likely because I refuse to read a back-cover blurb. (I am also the newest member of Detroit Mom’s Moms After Dark Book Club!)
- I cannot convey how much live music heals me. I’ll always be down for a show–from a one-man set at a bar to a sold-out arena, I’m in!
I mean, is there a mom out there who doesn’t feel mom guilt? Or her close-relative: impostor syndrome?
Of course, I wrestle the common questions: am I putting enough quality time in with my kids? Is my employer getting what they paid for? Does anything else matter if the humans I’m raising aren’t kind? Am I even good at any of these things or is the curtain going to come down?
I don’t know that I’ll ever have my answer to these–but asking them is enough right now. My priorities are an evolving thing, but ensuring my kids know they can count on me is my non-negotiable. That doesn’t mean I am at every single swim lesson, or I never miss a school volunteer opportunity. But it does mean I’ve learned to be fully present when I make a commitment to them.
As for putting myself first, I have pieces of me that I protect, but I don’t think they’re at the expense of others. I have a great husband, Shawn, who is a fantastic father–and when I only have ten to give, he has no problem making up the 90. Maybe that is the definition of being able to put myself first, knowing it’s okay to only be able to give ten every now and again . . .
Years ago, I started theinthemiddlemama.com and I don’t think I’ve ever been asked to explain the name.
But, it still encompasses the balance that I consider motherhood. One in which I find myself identifying as a working mom (at a large corporation), but fortunately for a boss who allows me all the autonomy to make life work; I am sometimes Pinterest-worthy and sometimes straight Amazon Prime; there are days when I am going to run us from one activity to the next and days I am going to refuse to get out of my pajamas!
Meet the girls who make this all possible:
- Palmer (8) is the definition of a first born. A perfectionist who aims to please.
- Kedzie (7) is often referred to as my mini–but in looks only. She is true to her desires, no matter the outcomes.
- Collins (5) is our Sour Patch Kid. Her love language is most certainly touch. But that doesn’t mean she won’t scream at you while asking for a cuddle.
- Tennyson (2) is our rainbow baby. We are all currently watching (in awe) as her little personality develops at a break-neck pace.
My husband and I are boomerangs.
Shawn and I met in Michigan, started our “adult lives” in Chicago, and then returned to Michigan. (Prior to COVID we bought a house here as a long-term project. We knew at some point we’d end up back here to help our parents, but COVID sped up that decision.)
Moving back to a suburb has been a painful transition. Losing all the food and transit options was rough enough, but losing the exposure and diversity the city offered our kids has been heartbreaking.
Entering motherhood away from family and friends is no walk in the park.
After the birth of our second daughter, I was approached by a local Chicago moms’ group to promote their fitness group. As part of this partnership, I had to become a lot more active on social media–something I was historically not comfortable with. In doing this, I learned motherhood didn’t have to be isolating and I was able to become part of a community of moms who were in the same phase of life (my friends were way further along in their motherhood journey than I was). And, I was able to have a creative outlet (something that had run dry after a decade plus of creating corporate content).
As with anything in life, it always helps to know you’re not alone.
Motherhood is a constant juggling act with competing priorities, emotions, and expectations; surrounding myself with women who approach things differently, can see the beauty in the chaos, and celebrate the small wins has given me space to be genuine and vulnerable. I take comfort in knowing that what I feel has been felt by moms who came before me and will be felt by those who come after.
With Detroit Mom, I am looking to bring a relatable and engaging perspective on modern motherhood.
I strive for a balance of candid and curated–but always authentic to who I am as a mom and a woman. It took me 38 years to meet this version of myself and I really like her!
