Last week, the stars aligned, and by the grace of all that is good, I was blessed with 10 whole minutes of alone time!
My intention was to put away laundry, do the dishes, pick up toys, vacuum, clean the car … anything that I can’t get done when the kids are around. Instead, I sat down on the edge of the bed and laid back. For whatever reason, my mind raced to the breathing exercises I learned in the yoga video I did 10 minutes of … three years ago. I placed my hands on my stomach and began to inhale and exhale. This lasted about 8 seconds before I felt my “Mom Flaws”, namely the miles of stretch marks that spread across my belly. My initial, ingrained reaction was a feeling of displeasure. Uncomfortable. Self conscious. Disgusted.
Then, something happened. I don’t know how it happened, but it did. A light inside me turned on and my way of thinking switched gears. I continued to feel the stretch marks. But my thoughts were more positive and empowering this time. I immediately thought of how awesome it is that I grew a baby. I grew a BABY! I literally created human life inside of me! Two of them! I am a frickin’ superhero!
I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. Really looked at myself. I was amazed at not only what I saw, but HOW I saw it.
I saw the stretch marks. The stretch marks that remained after my belly grew (TWICE!) to make room for the baby I was growing. These stretch marks show that I created, carried, and nourished a human life. After this life had grown enough to enter the world, my belly was left empty and scarred … and beautiful for what it had done.
I saw bags under my eyes. Although this was evidence that I was tired (and I probably always will be, just like every other mom), I was also reminded of being woken in the middle of the night because my babies needed extra snuggles and songs. My littlest tossed and turned and cried until I came in his room and picked him up from his crib, and just rocked with him. My oldest woke up and had a small panic when she couldn’t find me in bed. So I laid the littlest down, laid with my oldest, and we sang “Part of Your World” six times until she fell asleep in my arms. I will gladly take 4 hours of sleep and bags under my eyes any day so I can have these moments.
I saw my hair pulled up in a sloppy bun (#messyhairdontcare! Amiright?!). In typical mom fashion, I couldn’t remember the last time I looked in the mirror to fix my hair. But I looked. And in my sloppy bun, I found a pink hair clip, a puff, and a sticker. I laughed as I remembered when these items landed in my hair throughout the day. When my daughter demanded I sit on the floor so she could play with my hair; when my son laughed and played with his snacks; and when I rolled around on the floor with both kids.
I saw stains on my shirt. I couldn’t tell if they were from spit-up, drool, or food. And it didn’t matter to me! Because regardless what it was, it showed that my kids were close enough to me to make a mess on me. I couldn’t tell you how many times I am hours into my day and I notice a “baby stain” on my clothes. I’ve learned to laugh it off and chalk it up to life… and to always carry an extra shirt in my car!
Some days, I am a hot frickin’ mess. And I am DONE being ashamed of that! I have flaws. Many of them. And most of them didn’t pop up until those kids popped out. I am proud of each and every one of my flaws. And the memories that they all represent. I am Mom … hear me roar!!!
What are some “mom flaws” you have that you wear proudly as battle scars??
