The warm Florida sun sparkles across the water and my happy family plays on the beach building sand castles and running in and out of the surf. We spend our mid-winter break laughing, playing, swimming and happily applying sunscreen. We go to an amusement park and gape at the wonders we see; smiles abound. My daughter rides atop my husband’s shoulders pointing out all the amazing sights with an ice cream cone dripping on his shoulder. Perfection.
Reality: We just paid $45 for 3 not so great cheeseburgers, my face is sunburned and my back hurts from the weight of my bag, my husband is irritated with the crowds and my toddler is too tired and too hot to care about the Sesame Street characters dancing around for her amusement. There is sand in places I won’t find for days and if one more sea gull dive bombs me for my Pringles at the beach, I’m going to snap.
How did it come to this? I had such high hopes for this family vacation. The problem: it’s doesn’t feel like a vacation for me when I am shopping, packing, making arrangements for the dog, printing out itineraries, confirming rooms, renting cars, applying and reapplying the sunscreen, enforcing some sort of bedtime before midnight and remembering the princess necklace everywhere we go. I’m carrying the camera, the extra underpants, the said sunscreen, the tickets, the keys, the souvenirs, all the sunglasses and the snacks. God forbid we forget the snacks!
It was a great vacation in the eyes of my husband and my daughter who actually did play in the surf and ride on shoulders during the trip. I know – I asked them. I can’t completely complain either, I spent a week in the Florida sunshine, visited my parents, laid on a beach, ate like a queen and made some wonderful memories with my family. I think I will just remember it a tad differently. Through the eyes of somewhat jaded expectations and dare I say it… a touch of resentment. I mean, I was really excited for that Sesame Street show!
Yes, I resented it. Whaaaaat? I said it. I planned this trip as surprise for the family so everything leading up to the trip is my own doing. Still, I hoped that upon landing in Florida it would be this magical experience that would leave us all endlessly happy and refreshed. Instead, my resentment continued, even grew.
After I planned this fabulous trip, I got no help. No Glory. No thanks. These ingrates just expected me to keep on giving. Of course I did, because it’s what we do as moms.
Moms remember the special toys that we need to sleep and that sunscreen is not a one-time application. We know that beach toys mean everything and medicine has to be taken even on vacation. We remember that milk gives us my troubles on a long car ride, and that too much sun gives dad a headache so we need aspirin and sunglasses. We take care of it all.
That’s the dark side of family vacations no one tells you before you have a family. It’s mostly work. Work in a new place with a new view; work with a beautiful view but still work nonetheless. And it’s a thankless job. All those happy smiling faces in photos are the culmination of hours of effort, laundry, lists, lost sleep and blood and sweat. But I see them smile, the loves of my life are happy, so I smile.
I guess in the end it’s that we got to that smiling shining moment that matters. Through the years the work and the bickering and irritation will be forgotten. I will look back at that picture and say ‘what a great day it was!’ because that is what memories do over time: fade the bad. I will laughingly remember the tantrum we paid a ridiculous amount of money to witness. I will longingly wish for the ice cream stain again just to see her riding on my husband’s shoulders and both of them smiling. See, I’m nostalgic already.
It’s probably best that they don’t know all that goes into it. It wouldn’t be as much fun for them if they knew. I’ll plan another vacation because I’m a glutton for punishment who loves to travel. I’ll keep it my secret because one day she will have a family of her own and she’ll look back and say, “Thanks Mom. I see it now.” She will, right?
In the meantime… to my mom….THANK YOU! I see all your work now. I hope you had some fun along the way too!
