Food and Children. As mothers, one of the first tasks we are confronted with is feeding our child. The decisions seem personal (breast milk or formula?) and fairly straight forward (make my own baby food or use store bought?), but the amount of information and opinions about food and healthy eating can create confusion. Although healthy eating and feeding practices can feel intuitive, there is fear based, restrictive nutrition advice everywhere. Not to mention, we live in a culture that is driven by unrealistic standards and disordered beliefs about food and weight.
My goals are simple. I want my kids to eat a variety of foods and enjoy them. I don’t want them to worry about food. I want them to be healthy and feel strong and confident in their bodies.
When I had children, I figured feeding them would be easy as nutrition and healthy eating are areas I am trained in through my work as a psychologist specializing in eating disorders. My professional philosophy is built upon the idea that healthy eating doesn’t have to be an “eat this but not that game” but rather about flexibility, balance and variety. Food should never be a source of stress, but something that provides energy and pleasure.
So you see, when I had kids, I thought I was more than prepared to tackle healthy feeding and eating! Theoretically, I have all of the information.
Day to day, around the dinner table? Not so easy! Like so many things on this parenting journey, the theory doesn’t always translate into what my kids actually do!
Here is a break down of theory versus reality and ways I have been able to integrate healthy feeding into my family:
THEORY: Do not be a “short order cook”. Provide a balanced meal and allow your kids to eat from what is available. Trust they will not go hungry, they can feed their bodies based on their internal needs.
REALITY: If my kids don’t like anything at the table they won’t eat. They will ask for a snack as soon as the kitchen is cleaned. I will want to stand my ground but then worry they’re hungry, and even worse wake up in middle of the night because they are hungry.
COMPROMISE: I provide one item at each meal that I know my kids will enjoy and eat. While I encourage them to eat and try the entire meal, it reduces any potential stress by knowing there is something at the table they will eat happily.
THEORY: Do not engage in power struggles over food. Don’t encourage “just one more bite” or negotiate how much needs to be eaten at each meal. This interferes with kids’ ability to trust in their own hunger and fullness cues.
REALITY: My kids want to know what is for dessert the moment they sit down to the table. I am often tempted (and yes, occasionally, do) to tell them they have to finish their chicken before they get any dessert. Prodding and asking them to eat more meat or veggies becomes stressful for everyone at the table. We lose that valuable time when we are all together to connect about our day.
COMPROMISE: To avoid food battles, I have found it helpful to ask my kids how they feel. Is your tummy still hungry? Does it feel full? I find this encourages them to check in and helps develop the ability to eat in response to their internal signals versus how much they “should” eat or what someone is telling them to eat.
THEORY: Don’t use food as a reward.
REALITY: Just like I mentioned above, my kids like desserts or food they see as a treat. Like it or not, it can be a motivator. And like it or not, sometimes I am tired and I will rely on what motivates them to make things happen!
COMPROMISE: Even if I use food as a motivator (my daughter is potty training and will get a marshmallow when she is successful) I don’t use certain foods as treats or only as a special reward. I provide dessert every night. Some times it is fresh fruit other times ice cream sundaes. I make it a part of the meal to take the anticipation away and normalize foods often considered treats. This makes it less likely they will see dessert as forbidden, therefore wanting and eating more than their body need when they have an opportunity. It also sends the message that they can enjoy a variety of foods.
At the end of the day, it is helpful to remember we are all naturally born knowing when we are hungry and when we are full. Kids know what they need, how much, and when. They can be trusted. As a parent, our job is to decide what types of food to have available. Our kids can then be left to determine how much and when they want to eat based on what is provided for them.
Food is something that can create a lot of strong feelings and opinions, so it’s important you make decisions that work best for your family!
Are there other food battles you fight regularly at home? What are some solutions you have found that work for you?
*This blog is a part of series. Look for upcoming topics about developing healthy body image with kids, picky eating, and teaching kids about nutrition.*
Love the compromises, and interesting about normalizing foods considered treats! I will think on this as I would prefer my son never to have a grain of sugar in his life. Ha!