Is it Worth it?

I’ve been stressed about Memorial Day for about a month now. Not because of the holiday itself but because in my head I knew that means that all the pools open that weekend and OF COURSE my kids will want to go swimming. UNFORTUNATELY for me, I am not the kind of girl who pops out a baby and is right back into my normal clothes! SO, finding a bathing suit even 7 months after having my baby is NOT MY IDEA OF FUN.

My oldest daughter stayed home with dad while I took my son and baby with me to find a suit that I could at least feel okay in. We went to THREE different stores, kids were cranky and mama was a mess. I kept thinking ‘how each one can look even worse?’

The last store we went into I just lost it, started to cry in the fitting room. That’s when my son noticed what was going on and he said “mom that looks beautiful on you!”  It hit me at that moment because I got lost in the moment and didn’t even notice what type of example I was showing him as I was continuously putting myself down with each bathing suit I tried on. I grabbed him so tight and thanked him for being so sweet.

Two days later we went shopping again, this time my son stayed with dad and it was just me and the girls. Keeping in mind the mistake I made with my son, I was extra careful not to put myself down in front of my daughter. It was so cute watching her try on suits as well. She was looking at every detail, the colors, the sparkles and I could tell she just felt so beautiful and so happy. As I watched her being super silly and goofy I found I was also envious of her innocence and really pray that it lasts a lifetime!

I ended up buying a suit that day, nothing special just something that I could feel OKAY in. We went to the pool later that day and the kids had so much fun! They were jumping in; acting like sharks, even the baby was splashing and enjoying herself. Meanwhile, mama was so uncomfortable! I could see myself in the window reflection and kept saying “OMG I hope I don’t see anyone I know!”

About an hour passed and I noticed my son running up to me. With his little blue eyes squinting in the sun, he looked up and asked, “Mom is that your new bathing suit?” I laughed and nodded he replied “Wow!! I didn’t know you picked one mom I love it, it looks perfect on you!”

My heart fell to the floor and at that moment I thought is it even worth it? I complain so much and am so self-conscious ALL THE TIME. But to them I am mom, to them I am special and to them I am beautiful. Had I let these insecurities get the best of me I would have never experienced this fun day with my babies! Making memories with your kids is the number one most important thing in this world. When they look back they are not going to see a FAT mom in a bathing but they are going to know that MOM was there, MOM took us and we had the best time with MOM.

I am definitely still going to struggle with this but every day I am going to try to be more confident and work out more and make healthier choices. To me it is not all about being ‘skinny’ but just to feel good about myself. I know that I gained a lot of weight with my baby but now I have a healthy baby girl – what more could I ask for?

Don’t let your insecurities get in the way of being the amazing mom you are!!