Marriage is a lot of things. It’s partnership, it’s teamwork. It’s showing up every day–especially on the days when you’re running on caffeine. Add kids, jobs, school schedules, and laundry that seems to multiply overnight, and it becomes really easy to slide into survival mode. You love each other, sure, but date nights turn into watching your show before someone passes out and physical touch becomes a distracted kiss while unloading the dishwasher.
Romance doesn’t disappear all at once, though. It just slowly gets buried under the weight of everyday life. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I picked up a romance book that made me blush, laugh, and remember what butterflies used to feel like. And not just the steam (though that helped). It was the connection, the anticipation, the intention. It lit something in me and I brought that spark home.
That spark led to conversations, creativity, and a new tradition in our house that has honestly redefined the way we show up for each other.
Why We Needed to Shake Things Up
We weren’t in a bad place. But we were stuck in a routine that was rushed, predictable, and just . . . fine. We were focused on being great parents and supportive partners but not necessarily romantic ones. I wanted to feel excited again. I wanted to flirt with my husband, not just check off our mental to-do list.
It started with talking. Real, open conversations about what we wanted more of, what we missed, and what would make us feel more connected. And then, we got playful. We downloaded a spin-the-wheel app and made a game out of it.
It felt silly at first. We sat down one night after some liquid courage and added everything ourselves. Some sweet things, some spicy. Some that made one of us raise an eyebrow and say, “You want to try what now?!”
The Spin-the-Wheel Tradition
Once a month, we spin the wheel. There are positions (some old, some new), locations, and role play. If it lands on role play, we spin a second wheel filled with scenarios we also came up with. (Yes, there’s a second wheel. No, I will not tell you all the scenarios. Let me keep a little mystery.) Just know there might be “strangers at a bar,” and if we land on it, we’ll 100% be doing our part to keep Phil and Claire from Modern Family proud. Shoutout to Julianna and Clive Bixby (icons of awkward, sexy chaos)!
The thing about the wheel? It’s fun. Intentional. It’s our way of saying “We still matter” in between school pickup, snack negotiations, and repeating ourselves for the tenth time. And, it’s not about perfection or pressure. It’s about laughing together, trying something new, and choosing each other.
And yeah, sometimes we’re too tired or life hijacks the night and whatever we spun doesn’t happen. That’s okay. We reschedule like responsible adults and pray we don’t forget it. The wheel reminds us: we’re still making space for us . . . on purpose.
Plus, nothing says romance like planning your next sexy adventure with the same person you just argued with because they folded the towels wrong. (There is only one way to fold a towel and that’s the way Suzanne Somers did in Step By Step.)
How Books (+ Reels) Helped
Romance books were the gateway. They reminded me what intentional connection looks like and gave me some pretty great inspiration. I started noticing how characters communicated, how they flirted, how they built anticipation and actually made time for each other. (Unless it was a dark romance because while I love a morally gray guy, I’m not trying to get kidnapped on a Tuesday after soccer practice.)
It made me think about how often we used to flirt and really communicate before kids, before chaos. And even better? My husband started sending me spicy book recs he found on Instagram reels. He’d say, “This one looks like it’s wheel-worthy.” Is there anything more attractive than a husband who supports your reading habit and your spice goals? I think not.
It became a shared thing. I’d tell him about a scene I liked, and we’d talk about why. It wasn’t just about the physical ideas–it was about emotional closeness, about being curious again. It created new layers of communication between us.
Making Space for Each Other
It’s easy to fall into the habit of giving each other whatever energy is left at the end of the day. But that’s not the energy that builds connection. We started being more intentional with how we greeted each other, how we touched in passing, how we spoke. A quick hug turned into a longer one. A tired kiss on the forehead became a quick escape in the pantry for a longer kiss.
We started planning more outings just for us. Sometimes it’s a date night. Sometimes it’s brunch before picking up our preschooler. Even going to bed at the same time. It all matters. It all adds up.
What surprised me most? The more we did this, the more connected we felt in all areas of life. We were more patient and more playful with each other.
Tiny Spark, Big Flame
Keeping the spark alive doesn’t require lingerie or luxury vacations. It can be a flirty text in the middle of the day. A slow dance in the kitchen while dinner cooks. Pausing mid-cleanup for a kiss that promises there’s more to come after bedtime. Sometimes it’s just putting your phone down and actually listening to each other without multitasking.
The point isn’t perfection. The point is effort.
It’s letting your partner know, I still choose you. Not just when we’re on vacation or when the house is quiet. But in the middle of normal life. In sweatpants. With a messy bun. After bedtime. When it would be easier to just scroll and zone out but you look up instead.
These little moments? They add up. They remind you that romance doesn’t disappear, it just waits to be invited back in. You don’t need a new version of yourselves. You just need to make space for the one that’s already there, beneath the noise, the responsibilities, and the beautiful chaos of the life you’ve built together.
So if you’ve been waiting for a sign to spice things up? Consider this it. Read the book. Download the app. Laugh together. Try something new. You don’t need a big plan, just a little willingness to try something new, together!
