Hello “stressed out” mom. Relax “worried you are making the right choices” mom. Breathe “guilt ridden about working outside the home” mom. There is no perfect way to do this job. Yep, I said it. Make no mistake about it, it is a job. It is a rewarding, amazing, joyful job. It is also hard. There is also no advancement, no career path, little recognition and no retirement plan. So why do we keep judging ourselves by some imaginary standards? Or worse, we judge other moms on their performance.
The kicker is; I was guilty too. I have wanted the crying kid at the restaurant to be quieted, as if I had the ability to control my own child’s emotions. I have thought “really?” when I see a mom giving her toddler some sugary juice. I have looked sideways at the unprepared mom at the park. No snack, no anti-bacterial wipes and a crying toddler. Doesn’t she know? Maybe, I should have just walked over with the anti-bacterial wipes I had and offered a wipe for the gunk on her poor screaming child’s hand. For the record, I finally did.
I am guilty of all these things now. Tantrums in public? Check. Sugary Juice? Check. Unprepared for outings? Check.
Check. Check. I once drove 2 hours from home for an afternoon on the lake and brought no bottles or formula. Then, another mom scorned me for letting my daughter watch TV before she was two after she heard her singing a movie theme song. You know the one. For three days I was alternately angry and questioning myself. Then I finally took my daughters wise words and let it go. I also decided I would make every effort NOT to judge any other mom again. Who am I to say what is right for your family. Yes, my daughter sang along with Frozen early. She knows how to get to the PBS App on my phone to watch Elmo and is fond of yelling, “I Love Kung Fu!” at inopportune moments too. However, my child has developed a very active imagination on her own; her vocabulary amazes me every day. She’s perfectly healthy. She is kind and smart and affectionate and she loves me more than anything. She is everything I want our little human to be despite my mistakes and regrets.
So I can save you some time. I can save you some self-depreciating energy. I have good news, none of us is perfect. None of us will raise our children without mistakes or regret. If you are trying; if you are doing your best; if you sometimes just show up with McDonalds because you are so tired you could cry, IT IS OK. If the shaming happens to you, don’t give in. If the judgment weighs on you, rise above it. Feel sorry for the unenlightened person throwing shade. It’s likely they are so consumed by their own need to be right; their own need to be best that they just might be missing out on the point of it all.
You are raising humans and it is a hard job. You are doing just fine.
