I Was Mom Shamed Today

I honestly never thought it would happen to me. I didn’t think it was a real thing; I thought it was something that happened to a few people and was amplified by the movies. But I was wrong: I was Mom shamed today. I mean, full on shamed by other mothers. For working. And I’m still in disbelief.

A little background: my son has been in kindergarten, elementary school for the first time. I am acquaintances with three other mothers in his class. I know that they are stay-at-home moms. On the other hand, I work full time. However, I drop him off and pick him up (in person) one day a week. My neighbor handles the other four days for me.

I have attended every single event at school that parents are able to attend. I have volunteered in his classroom during school hours. I make a conscious effort to be part of his school experience. And to be honest, I was feeling pretty good about my efforts. Until that morning.

The party was a little later that morning, so I took him to his class and waited outside with the other parents to view the parade. I planned to head to work after it. As I stood there, I saw some moms I knew, so I walked over to say hello.

It seemed cordial enough at first, making small talk about kids activities. But then things spiraled downhill quickly. Apparently, as they told me in not so many words and not so nice tones, based on my outfit (work clothes) it was evident that I wasn’t volunteering for the party, I wasn’t making a  mid-day shopping trip like they were, and I wouldn’t be home all day preparing a spectacular holiday for my kids. It wasn’t necessarily the words that they said, it was the way that they said it. It was so…condescending.

I stood there in disbelief. They continued chatting, with each other, and eventually turned away from me. My mind was racing. Literally racing…”Did that really just happen?” “I must have imagined that.” “I’m being overly sensitive.” But it happened. I know it happened. I know it wasn’t right.

I finished watching the parade and blew my sweet boy one last kiss. I walked back to my car, still trying to wrap my head around what had happened. As I drove into the office, I got mad at myself. Why was I letting this bother me? I don’t know if it was because I thought these women were my friends, or because they just assumed I’m not an involved parent. Maybe it was just the snotty tone that they used when they spoke to me. It just really bothered me. But I let it go.

It still hurts, but I let it go because I know I’m a good mom. I know that I bust my you-know-what for my kids and my work and my family and a million other things. I also know that I’m never going to confront these moms about how rude they were to me. I’ll smile and volunteer alongside them, take my son to their kids’ birthday parties and wave back at drop off and pickup. I’ll never forget what they said or how they made me feel, but I’ll forgive them and be a bigger person. Because that’s what a good mom does.