As someone who worked professionally with pre- and postnatal women, I went into pregnancy and postpartum thinking I had it all figured out. That this was going to be a breeze. I had set strict boundaries with myself of things that I would NEVER do as a parent.
And then I actually experienced postpartum.
Let me tell you, knowing things professionally and experiencing them personally are two completely different things. And it made me have so much empathy for what moms were going through when they came to me seeking support for various things like their physical recovery, as well as feeding and sleep support with their child.
The Challenges of Early Motherhood
Hattie, my oldest daughter, was not a great sleeper even from the beginning. She would not sleep unless someone was holding her. Have to go to the bathroom? Better take her with you, or she is going to scream until her face turns a shade of purple I will never forget. Feeling hungry? Better eat with one hand while you hold her with the other.
None of my tricks for sleeping worked, and all of those “strict boundaries” I had set in my mind before she was born went out the window. I was desperate for sleep. I was desperate to be able to take a shower or go to the bathroom or eat a meal while it was hot without feeling her shrilling cries radiating through my body.
Struggles with Feeding + Exhaustion
On top of not sleeping, she also struggled with breastfeeding for the first few weeks of her life. Again, this is another area that you can be an expert in and still have no clue what you are doing when you experience it personally. She also HATED the car. Needless to say, there was a lot of crying and nervous system dysregulation for both of us. Once we finally figured out feeding and got into a groove, she wanted to eat ALL the time. There were several days where she would cluster feed for hours without a break.
I was so drained mentally and physically at that point, but we had just gotten the feeding figured out, so I took it upon myself to do all the feedings, which meant I was the one getting up several times a night and then going to work the next day. I was resentful that my husband was not very helpful, but in hindsight, I did not give him the opportunity to be.
Losing Myself in Motherhood
As the months went on, I felt my physical and mental health deteriorating. Because I was doing all the baby care on my own, I did not have the mental availability to pursue things that I enjoyed doing. At one point, I could not even name activities that would have brought me joy. On top of that, I was feeling really discouraged that all of my strategies that I taught other moms were not working. I questioned my ability to show up in my roles professionally as well. I felt completely numb. I felt like I had lost all of the pieces of me that I loved most and I did not know how to get them back.
Maybe you have been there too. Maybe you are still there now. If that is you and you are in the depth of a hard season of motherhood, I see you. I WAS you.
Ways to Finding Yourself Again
Here are some ways you can begin to find yourself again:
Asking for Help
This might feel uncomfortable at first, but motherhood was never meant to be done alone. Releasing the belief that asking for help means you aren’t capable is one of the most powerful things you can do. Start small—let your partner take on night feedings, accept meals from friends, or consider hiring support, even for a short period. The moment you allow others in, you may be surprised by how much lighter everything feels. You are not failing by needing help. You are human.
Reconnecting With Your Body
In the whirlwind of caring for your baby, it’s easy to disconnect from yourself. But your body has carried you through so much, and it deserves care, too. Try prioritizing small moments of body awareness—stretching for five minutes in the morning, taking deep breaths before responding to your baby’s cries, or incorporating gentle movement when you can. Even the smallest acts of self-care can help you feel more like yourself again.
Seeking Professional Support
If you’re feeling stuck in survival mode, know that you don’t have to navigate this alone. Finding support—whether through therapy, holistic practices, or a combination of both—can make a world of difference. Having someone hold space for you and validate your experiences can be life-changing. There is help available, and you deserve to receive it.
Giving Yourself Permission to Evolve
You don’t have to return to the exact same hobbies or routines you had before motherhood to feel like yourself again. It’s okay to let go of what no longer fits and explore new things that bring you joy. Be curious. Try something different. You are growing and changing, and that is a beautiful thing.
Remembering That This is Just a Season
When you’re in the thick of it, it can feel like you’ll be stuck in survival mode forever. But this season, like all seasons, will pass. Your baby will sleep. Your body will heal. Your identity will continue to expand in ways you never imagined. Keeping this perspective can help you move through the hard moments with more grace and patience.
You Are Still You
If you’re feeling lost, take a deep breath. You’re still in there. You’re still you. And step by step, moment by moment, you’ll find your way back—not to who you were, but to the incredible, evolved version of who you are becoming.
Give yourself grace as you navigate this new chapter. Trust that you will find your rhythm again. And most importantly, know that you don’t have to choose between being a great mom and being you—you get to be both.
