It happened.
I’m done nursing.
And I feel like rejoicing and crying all at the same time.
I don’t get it! Before I even gave birth to Lucy, I had a goal for myself: I was going to nurse for 6 months. That goal really came out of nowhere; I guess it was a combination of talking to my friends, reading blogs, and just trying to understand how long I wanted to be attached at the hip (or attached at the BOOB, technically!) to my new baby. The 6 months came and went, and as I approached month 7, I got lazy. I started skipping my “pumping sessions” here and there. Lucy got her first two teeth. Ouch. I stopped nursing and moved only to pumping. And then I took a few mini vacations and got laryngitis … Which meant I started making excuses to NOT pump.
Before I knew it, I had no milk in a matter of a days … and my boobs were FLAT. Like, whoa. Pancakes.
Anyway, I hate the feeling that I STILL have two weeks later: I feel like screaming “FREEEEDOM!” from the top of my lungs, but I also feel like a complete failure. My friend Jordin breastfed her baby until he was 18 months old. Lindsey is going strong, and her little girl is nearing her first birthday. Julie’s baby girl is only 2 months old, but she’s adamant that she is not doing any formula until Baby Ava is at least a year old.
And then there’s me. The lifelong overachiever, high-school valedictorian, “Miss Perfect”, definition of Type A … and breastfeeding Q-U-I-T-T-E-R.
Do any other moms feel this way? MY mom (who did not breastfeed me, nor either of my 2 sisters for the record) told me I should be proud. I know I should. I gave Lucy the BEST nutrition possible for 7 months. I was not afraid to whip out my boob in the Nordstrom Ladies Lounge. I proudly exclaimed, “I need to go pump!” every 3 hours at work. And I got a great feeling of satisfaction when I looked at all of the milk I had stored in my freezer.
Would love for you to share your thoughts!
P.S. I loved taking “pumping selfies.” Can you tell? I pumped in so many different places … including a JANITOR’S CLOSET at a nightclub during an appearance for my job!
I am also a working mom, in Houston (listen to y’alls morning show every morning – much better than Houston), and I pumped and pumped but it just ran dry at 7.5 months. Don’t be hard on yourself, at least she got momma’s milk for quite sometime!
I tried breast feeding with all three of mine and it never really worked for me. I felt like a failure but I figured at least they got some nursing time in and that was better then none. I recently gave up with my daughter when she was three months because I just didn’t have enough milk. I always said I would nurse them until at least six months but it didn’t happen with any of them. It’s ok that you stopped. Don’t feel sad forever. It was always easier for me to give a bottle with formula anyway and you are not always tied down and the only one able to feed the baby. I’m sure you are a good mommy and good luck with your little cutie!
You did AWESOME mommy. Whether you nursed for 2 days or 4 years you tried and you gave your baby the best stuff on this earth. I am currently still breastfeeding my 17 month old. I’m addicted to it and have no plans on stopping until he self weans. There is just something about breastfeeding that I am obsessed with. My original goal was 3 months. Then that came and went. Like I said you did a great job. Many women don’t even try. I love your pumping selfies. Too cute!
Hi Shannon!
I had my baby August 19th and I tried breastfeeding and setting a goal too. You did great!!! Liam started to not want to latch at about 2 months so I began pumping. About 2 weeks ago my pumping days were over. I began being lazy, making excuses, or really just not having enough time! I feel the same as you today! Wanting to rejoice and cry at the same time. But we did our best and gave our babies the best. My first one only breastfed for 3 weeks and she is perfect! Lol. Enjoy Lucy this Christmas and let’s celebrate having our boobs back!
Angela
Shannon –
I have 3 children, my oldest is now 14. I never set a goal for breastfeeding becasue I didn’t want to disappoint if I could not do it. I remember the day I was working full time, dropping her off at the babysitter, having to feed her before I dropped her off, pumping in my car while at work because we had no where to pump in the office. I called my husband to tell him i was done and what I wanted to hear was it was okay, but what he said was it is your choice. I was angry at him because I wanted him to understand and agree that she would be fine if I stopped nursing. I cried and cried over this decision. So first and foremost it is okay she will be fine. With my second child he was a lazy nurser and a preemie so again I didn’t set a goal but I was able to give him about 4 months and then another 2 months of my stockpile. My youngest I breast fed for about 6 months and then just at night until we were both done. No pressure. Your mom is so right in what she told you.
You are doing great by Lucy and I am an avid listener to your show.
Psshhh…. failure!??!? You went strong for 7 months, taking a pump everywhere you went, inconveniencing yourself, took breaks from work and social events, went through pain & were uncomfortable at times I’m sure…. that is not failing, that is dedication & commitment. You love your baby girl enough to do that for 7 months and that is amazing. Now you can continue to enjoy her growing & thriving while someone else gives her a bottle and you have some “me” time for a few (or maybe even sleep a little more at night) 😉 (Oh, and I love the pictures…. I used to pump *while* driving! Lol)
Of course I commend you for the breastfeeding efforts you made. It is a very heavy commitment to be a breastfeeding Mom. You are not a failure, no mother is a failure – even if she decides not to breastfeed or pump. The important thing is that you do lots of research on formula. Baby formula has a ton of genetically modified and chemical ingredients that can set your baby up for long term health problems and vitamin deficiencies. The best way to feed your baby next to Mommys milk is organic formula. Congrats on your new baby.
I understand that feeling because I wasn’t successful with our 2nd son. I only made it 5 weeks with him. Now with our youngest he is still nursing at 19 mo. What I have realized is that we moms are way too hard on our selves. We are constantly comparing ourselves to everyone else, when we should be focused on the fact that our little ones are healthy and happy! You did your best and gave her the best nutrition you could for as long as you could, be proud of that!
I felt the exact same way. I stopped nursing my son after 8 months, which is just about when he got his first tooth. I felt sad and that sense of freedom all at once. Here I am now with my baby girl who is almost 4 months. I’ll be glad to make it that long with her. It’s hard to keep up your milk supply when you go back to work, when you start them on solids, when you …. It’s just a hard work! Be grateful that you lasted as long as you did. Many don’t. And rejoice in your new freedom!
You definitely should be proud of yourself. I struggled so hard the first week with some postpartum depression and baby blues…I couldn’t even eat. My milk didn’t come in, my baby wasn’t peeing and pooping like she should have, and when I did give her breast milk she would scream a half hour later. It took me sobbing uncontrollably in my Doctor’s office and her saying “It’s okay to quit, I wasn’t breast feed and look at me…i’m a doctor!” and finally I felt like it was okay…and i quit. This weight was lifted off my shoulders and postpartum and baby blues disappeared. Then a few weeks went by and I was getting used to my new routine and I was so angry and disappointed with myself. I feel like I gave up and I didn’t give it a strong enough go. I try to reflect on how I was feeling when it was going on. Someone gave me the best advice during that time “at the end of the day you need to be the best mom for your baby, and if your feeling like this…then your not doing that.”
So, long story short. CELEBRATE that you did it. Pat yourself on your back that with your crazy schedule and technically going back to work after a few short weeks…you accomplished something huge. You bonded with your baby in a way that some people don’t, and you pushed through the difficult start. I envy your motivation, but am inspired that the next time around I give it another go!