It happened.
I’m done nursing.
And I feel like rejoicing and crying all at the same time.
I don’t get it! Before I even gave birth to Lucy, I had a goal for myself: I was going to nurse for 6 months. That goal really came out of nowhere; I guess it was a combination of talking to my friends, reading blogs, and just trying to understand how long I wanted to be attached at the hip (or attached at the BOOB, technically!) to my new baby. The 6 months came and went, and as I approached month 7, I got lazy. I started skipping my “pumping sessions” here and there. Lucy got her first two teeth. Ouch. I stopped nursing and moved only to pumping. And then I took a few mini vacations and got laryngitis … Which meant I started making excuses to NOT pump.
Before I knew it, I had no milk in a matter of a days … and my boobs were FLAT. Like, whoa. Pancakes.
Anyway, I hate the feeling that I STILL have two weeks later: I feel like screaming “FREEEEDOM!” from the top of my lungs, but I also feel like a complete failure. My friend Jordin breastfed her baby until he was 18 months old. Lindsey is going strong, and her little girl is nearing her first birthday. Julie’s baby girl is only 2 months old, but she’s adamant that she is not doing any formula until Baby Ava is at least a year old.
And then there’s me. The lifelong overachiever, high-school valedictorian, “Miss Perfect”, definition of Type A … and breastfeeding Q-U-I-T-T-E-R.
Do any other moms feel this way? MY mom (who did not breastfeed me, nor either of my 2 sisters for the record) told me I should be proud. I know I should. I gave Lucy the BEST nutrition possible for 7 months. I was not afraid to whip out my boob in the Nordstrom Ladies Lounge. I proudly exclaimed, “I need to go pump!” every 3 hours at work. And I got a great feeling of satisfaction when I looked at all of the milk I had stored in my freezer.
Would love for you to share your thoughts!
P.S. I loved taking “pumping selfies.” Can you tell? I pumped in so many different places … including a JANITOR’S CLOSET at a nightclub during an appearance for my job!
Ugh!!! I hear you on feeling like a quitter. Moms are so quick to compare, and I am number one in that department. I do understand why I do it though…moms are so quick to make other moms feel inadequate. The minute someone tells me “I would never do that” or “I can’t believe you do that” my confidence shrinks by a million. I tried to breast feed and she wouldn’t latch. I went to classes, went to nurses, no matter what I did, she refused. I pumped for six weeks and that was that. I felt like such a loser, seeing other moms doing for 6 months plus!! Why couldn’t I? I think as women, we need to take more time telling each other great job!!! Awesome that you did it as long as you did! Even if you never tried, great job bottle feeding. We need more encouragement and less negativity. Every day I remember to feed the kids, brush their teeth, and just keep them safe, I consider a win!!! Lucy is happy, healthy, and loved, and you are doing an amazing job!
Don’t beat yourself up comparing yourself to others! Everyone is different and every baby is different! I’m a new mom and my goal of nursing followed by pumping to have extra supply for later on didn’t go as planned. My baby was born early and wouldn’t latch! I am a sole pumper and after much conversation with my husband, we decided that regardless of how our baby gets the milk, she is getting it. She is growing like a weed so I know I’m doing something right. I admire you for going longer than 6 months! A lot of women don’t even make it there. Way to go mama!
Hi Shannon,
BE SO PROUD. I tried so hard at breastfeeding..I enjoyed it. It gave me so much pride. But my body just didn’t do it well. I only had enough supply to get me to 4 months old, then I had to use donor milk, before I was exhausted from running all over the state to get donor milk. I just introduced formula for the first time last week (My daughter is 7 months old tomorrow), and I feel like a weight has been lifted. I cried the first time I gave her donor milk. I cried the first time I gave her formula. But guess what? She’s doing awesome. And we did OUR best. That’s all that matters. Sending hugs 🙂
And just for the record, pancakes SUCK. Flabby everywhere. Haha!
I’m constantly struggling with this! After not being able to nurse my daughter I was determined to nurse my son! Now 6 months later there’s a part of me that wants my freedom ( a big part ). Nursing was so hard at first and now it’s so easy! Teeth may be the deciding factor, I always said I would be done then!
You should be proud of yourself for nursing as long as you did especially as a working mom!! I also love that you spoke so openly about it, you used that platform to promote something so good!
Side note… My formula fed 2.5 year old is super smart and is never sick, formula is not the devil 🙂
My little Emilia was born on April 9, 2014 and we are still breastfeeding but I have had the blessing to work less than part time (16-20 hrs/Week). I plan to breastfeed until 1 year but it has not been easy and I’ve thought about giving up many times! I think it’s amazing you breastfed and pumped until 7 months and you should be proud! It’s all about how YOU feel and how things work for YOUR family. I often find myself comparing myself to others but I try not to. I want to take my little girl to Goldfish swim school, I didn’t know your husband co-owned it!
I’m 29 andi just had my third baby 3 months ago. I was determined to breastfeed with this one . The other two I quit after just a few weeks. Lack of understanding I guess. I did very well with this one I had no concerns at all I was just going to do it. I went back to work after 3 weeks and I’m a mobile phlebotomist … I literally pumped and drove I had no other choice . Which was fine With me I was just happy to be found so well .. And then it felt like it I was pumping alllll the time. I am kind of bashful so going on public was impossible .. I just quit a few weeks ago. I too feel like a failure but at the same time feel like I’m not as stressed … Bravo to the working moms who can do it I give them a lot of credit … I wasn’t able to pull it off but I tried my best and I’m happy with that.
Great post.
I pumped for three months and decided I was DONE. I couldn’t take the pain/pressure/stress of it. So selfish of me I think, but it’s not for everyone. I too had a 6 month plan..but I just wanted to take a shower and let the water hit me or lay on my side…or sleep and not wake up to cement boobs…or wear a regular bra!!! Lol
#momproblems XXXXXX
Yes mama! You did great! My little guy never latched on so I pumped for 5 months straight and was stuck in a work meeting in Detroit for 6 hours and forgot my pump at home. After that it was all downhill! Dried up within days and to say I was slightly okay with it was an understatement. You did great longer than some can, plus I mean, you were formula fed and you turned out fine right 😉
East Willow Grove
Shannon,
You gave your daughter what most people can’t and don’t. Mommys milk and love. Don’t stress out about not going past 7 months! You did amazinnggg! And went everywhere to nurse and pump! Good for you! I’m so proud of you!
I 100% know how you feel!! My son is now 3 and I was adamant about only breastfeeding my son until he was at least 1 year old. I made it about 2 months. I felt like there was so much pressure to breastfeed and when I couldn’t I definitely felt like a failure. My mother in law didn’t make it easier, proudly gloating about an older grandchild still getting breastfed to my face when I clearly was struggling. I went back and forth on stopping all together or solely pumping, but eventually I chose to do what was best for us. My son is healthy, growing, smart little boy. It’s normal to feel both relieved and sad.