Listen up, expecting mamas. I’m about to drop some knowledge on ya! When you are pregnant, everyone tells you a bunch of (mostly unsolicited) advice. We all know “sleep when the baby sleeps” and, my personal favorite, “don’t hold the baby all day long.” In all reality, some of this advice is antiquated and impractical. I’m not sleeping when the baby is sleeping; I’m unloading the dishwasher or throwing in a load of laundry! And, to be honest, a lot of the advice you get is common sense. You are having a baby not running a Fortune 500 company…how hard can it be? Newsflash: this will be the hardest and most amazing thing you will ever do. With that said, here are five tips to help you survive labor, delivery, and the first few weeks at home.
#1 Be flexible in your birth plan
A birth plan is a plan; it is not set in stone. Understand that things may or may not go exactly how you want them to. The only thing you should plan on is doing what is best for you and your baby when delivery time comes. My philosophy going into labor was “I just want my baby out safely.” I didn’t have a preference on having a natural delivery or what song was going to be playing in the background as my child was delivered. If you can do it au naturale, that’s amazing, but there is no prize for doing it without medication. I took it in stride, and when I decided it was time for an epidural, I got one, and when my doctor decided that it was time for an emergency C-section, off to the OR I went.
#2 Eat on your way to the hospital
Unless you are scheduled for a c-section or the baby is crowning, eat a sandwich (or whatever your pregnant-self is craving) on your way to the hospital. Once you arrive and are admitted to the hospital, they don’t feed you! And if your labor was anything like mine, you will be there for a while. I’m not saying go eat a cheeseburger, but eat something light and satisfying because it might be a while before you eat, and if the baby is born in the middle of the night, the cafeteria might be closed. And frankly, hospital food leaves a lot to be desired anyway.
#3 Have an open mind about breastfeeding
If you are able and willing to breastfeed, I think that is awesome. If it’s not for you, that’s OK, too. Moms put enough pressure on themselves as it is, and we don’t need another thing that stresses us out! Sometimes breastfeeding is easy and second nature; other times it’s a long and painful struggle. I felt like I missed out on a lot time with my newborn because I was consumed with feeding, pumping, and getting the perfect latch. In reality, I wasn’t producing really much of anything, which made her and I both unhappy. As soon as we started supplementing with formula, life got a lot easier. And she is just as smart and healthy as every other kid in her preschool class.
#4 Learn how to say no
If your first baby is as highly anticipated as ours, you are going to have to learn to say no. When we brought our daughter home from the hospital after being there for nearly a week, it felt like everyone we knew wanted to come and see her (well, that is if they hadn’t visited us in the hospital!). We legitimately had to make appointments for when people could come and see her.
It was amazing that she was so loved already, but it was also exhausting. When people are visiting my home, I like to take care of them, make them a cup of coffee, or offer them something to eat. But I was trying to care for a newborn, recover from a C-section, and entertain a constant flow of guests; it was tiring. But don’t worry, if you have a second baby, no one comes to visit since the excitement has worn off.
And hospital visitors, just no. Unless it is your best friend or close family, there is no reason to be rushing to the hospital to see the baby. It’s hard enough to get rest in the hospital without a constant barrage of visitors coming thru. And if the new mom is wanting to breastfeed or do skin-to-skin, it might be uncomfortable with her second cousin Larry in the room. Wait until they are home and are settled, then come visit and bring dinner! Or even better than a meal, offer to hold the baby while mom takes a shower or runs to Target without a newborn.
#5 The baby doesn’t know that you don’t know what you are doing
This is my favorite piece of advice. I even write it in cards for baby showers. I tell everyone I know who is expecting exactly what my cousin told me: “The baby doesn’t know that you don’t know what you are doing.” This is so true. This was my mantra the first few weeks when I (a Child Development teacher) did not have a clue what I was doing. Any time I am struggling with something, I still (and my oldest is in preschool) repeat it to myself over and over. It gives me the confidence as a mom, which is something we all need.
Every pregnancy, labor, delivery, and baby are completely different. There is no instructional manual for these tiny humans. It takes time to get to know each other and figure this thing called motherhood out. But I promise you mama, you are doing the best job you can, and that is all that matters.
