I worked in sales for ten years after college. I could define my success by hitting goals, winning awards and how much money I made. Pretty simple. It was a constant rat race of pressure, ups and downs, but it was easy to look back on my month and see what I accomplished, and plan the month forward with concrete goals to achieve.
Fast forward several years to me in a hospital, holding my sweet chubby boy, Charlie, and wondering if it was the right thing for me to go back to work. After A LOT of contemplation and discussion with my husband, we decided that I would stay at home with Charlie. If things changed, I could always go back to work, but he would only be a baby for a short time.
With sales, I knew my purpose, my place in life. In my mind bringing home a paycheck made me an equal in our relationship (not that my husband ever made me feel otherwise) With being a stay at home mom, I wasn’t so sure how to achieve that. It was not so simple. I get that keeping a tiny human alive is really important, but, where could I concretely define success. So, as any sales person would do, I came up with a plan. I was going to kick parenting’s butt and be the BEST stay at home mom EVER.
Clean home? Check! Perfectly dressed baby? Check! Elaborate home cooked meals every night? Check! And, of course, I would shower, do my hair and make-up every day!
In turn, I had become a Stepford wife. And I was exhausted! But, to me, it was success. Perfection, or being close to it was my way of contributing to the family. If I had mommy friends coming over for a play date at 9:00, I would get up at 7:00 to shower, and bake a quiche from scratch, just to have my friend say “I don’t know how you do it.” Honestly, I loved the accolades. It made me feel like I was doing this mommy job right!
Over the next few years, I realized that it was impossible to keep this up (especially after adding another VERY fussy infant into the mix). I have realized that while, keeping my house, somewhat clean is important to me, I no longer get up before everyone in the house to shower and put on a full face of make-up for the drop off line at preschool. It’s all about moderation, right?
As I see my oldest boy growing so fast, I realize I am doing a good job, when I hear him say thank you to the cashier at Target, or watch him get himself dressed and be proud of accomplishment. I love that he has become a caring and protective big brother.
Keeping two active, crazy boys alive and healthy is a success in its own. The fact that we can get to school on time and they (usually) have several baths a week is an added bonus.
So, now, sometimes my dinner go to is a bag of frozen raviolis from Costco, and I have learned that ponytails are my friend…..life is easier to enjoy. But, that’s not to say I can go to bed until I fluff the pillows on the couch and do the last dish in the sink.
