Se’Fana’s Tips for Dating as a Single Parent

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The following is transcribed text from Se’Fana’s video, which we encourage you to watch by clicking here. Hearing it from Se’Fana herself is so impactful!

“Hi. My name is Se’Fana Samples. I’m a family and relationship coach, and I wanted to offer you something today that I believe is going to really, really help a lot of people.

You’re a woman before you’re a mom.

single mom, single mother

This is hopefully going to be some tips for dating as a single parent.

Dating can be such a taboo topic and a culture that literally vilifies women on every turn for their personal desires and their perspectives. So I wanted to come on as a more seasoned mom to offer some experience that will hopefully cause you to be more introspective and determine what’s right or what’s best for you.

So, number one, (I’m reading from my notes, so excuse me if I’m looking down) but, you’re a woman before you’re a mom. Yes. I said that.

You’re a woman before you are a mother.

Too many women get caught up in their role at the sacrifice of their relationship with theirself. I’ll say that one more time: So many women get caught up in their role as a mother at the sacrifice of their relationship with theirselves.

I’m guilty, too. I did that before. You had to be a woman before you could become a mother. And I want you to think about that. Out of the woman is what flows your passions, your perspective, and your phenomenal insight from which you’re able to parent.

It is from the woman that you become.

It is from the woman that you grow and develop to be that you’re even able to mother and not just biologically because there’s so many other ways to become a mom then biologically. But the way that you parent is derived out of the woman that you are, so don’t lose you. And if you have pursue you again, pursue you again. The healthier the woman is creates the best foundation for any other role that you fulfill.

You’re a woman who walks in the role of mother. Okay, so don’t flip that around. Even if you’ve dreamed of being a mother your entire life, just like I used to. I am a mother that dreamed of being a parent since a little girl. I suffered through lots of miscarriages. I’m sure so many mothers can relate to that. The hurt that’s associated with that. I’m a mother that was told that I could never have my amazing son without medical intervention. I know that a lot of mothers can relate and empathize with that as well. And so when I became a mother, it was in my mind, at least normal, to be consumed with the role, to be consumed with the amazing honor of being a mother. But in the process, I lost the woman that made it possible to be a mother. So, I was a woman with a dream to fulfill a role. And it wasn’t until I was better able to healthily reclaim the place and position of womanhood that I was able and open to be a better parent.

So, number two: Allow yourself to consider what your heart and life desires and deserves.

Literally, I want you to define and declare them and decide based on them.

Okay, number three: Lastly, determine your dating life and consider your children, and its impact based on age and interaction.

So it can be really, really challenging when thinking about dating as a single parent because the dynamics of age and interaction varies, especially if you have littles. I’m the mom of a soon-to-be-17 years old, and so dating for me looks significantly different than if and when my son was smaller.

So some of the things that you want to consider are: 

  • If you’re in a co-parenting situation, how does that dynamic have the potential to impact how you date, when you date? Consider that. Make note of it, and craft a dating life with that in mind.
  • Number two, when it comes to ages, the younger that your children are, the potential of a potential partner is going to have more exposure potentially to your children, and you have to weigh that. So you want to consider things like investigating. What does that look like? Background checks? Yes, it’s not the most romantic thing, but it is the safer thing to consider.
  • Allowing partners for your process. Who is walking through dating with you? Do you have accountability? Do you have people in your life that are amazing judges of character? Consider allowing them to partner in your process.
  • Develop boundaries, the younger your children, the more boundaries. We don’t want to leave our children with potential partners. We want to use our village for that. We want to use the people that we have already vetted for that.
  • When it comes to matters of the heart and opening yourself up again, one of the strongest components that you can use when you’re considering dating again is to get therapy so that you can heal, especially if you’re like myself and have gone through divorce. even if you were never married. Regardless to the circumstances surrounding your parenting. You want to consider being whole before you become a partner.

I hope this helps. Remain open. You can date as a single parent. If you need help, I’m here to partner with you in your process.”

Thanks for watching! Check out my website here.

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