Reaching out for help–and really, even just admitting help is needed–is so tough. For whatever reason, mothers tend to believe that they have to be able to do it all, and do it themselves, and not struggle but the truth is that every single mother you meet is battling something internally. And sometimes, one more “something” becomes the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
It might start with the invisible load, and all of the little tasks that aren’t noticed until they aren’t checked off the list. Then the kids need something or other. Add on their partner’s needs, and suddenly the mother is finding herself doing everything for everyone and nothing for herself. It’s at this point she realizes that something needs to change.
The challenge is that these moments of realization don’t always look dramatic from the outside. Sometimes they might just look like tears over something that seemed small, or constant exhaustion, or irritability that won’t go away, or the realization that you’ve stopped recognizing yourself. And because so many of us keep these struggles to ourselves, it’s easy to believe we’re the only ones feeling this way. But this is why sharing our stories matters.
The Importance of the Share
We want to start by reiterating this fact: if things are feeling like a struggle for you right now, you are not alone. Motherhood is hard; modern motherhood differs greatly from the motherhood our own mothers experienced. There are so many additional factors at play and it’s just . . . it’s a lot.
One of the things we are so big on here at Detroit Mom is being vulnerable and sharing authentically because we know without a doubt that when women speak authentically about what they’re moving through–when they speak without hesitation or fear of judgement about the good, the bad, and eveything in between–they give others permission to recognize those same feelings in themselves and to give those feelings a place to land. They remind us that admitting things are tough and asking for help isn’t a sign of failure. It’s often the first step toward feeling like ourselves again.
On the other side of this, we also recognize that sharing vulnerably is, well, deeply personal. It’s not something that comes easily for some women and it might mean observing from the sidelines for a while. And that’s okay. If we can even just help you see in yourself that you aren’t alone, even if you don’t want to talk about it, that recognition is enough.
So, we asked the moms on our team to share the moment they knew something had to change. The moment they knew they couldn’t continue with how things were going. The moment they knew they needed support, they needed more, they needed to get vulnerable in order to find peace. Their stories are different, but the common thread is one many of us will recognize: the realization that carrying everything alone was no longer sustainable.
The Moments We Knew We Needed Support
Christina
Faten
“I still remember the moment I realized I needed to save myself. It was a daunting feeling–part clarity, part overwhelm. I quickly realized I was responsible to heal myself. And I’m so grateful I did.
“The first thing I did was start prioritizing myself. I began honoring my boundaries, saying no more often, and truly sitting with myself. Slowing down brought up deeper feelings I had to face and process. I learned that mental health is a journey—it isn’t linear. It’s choosing to take care of yourself, again and again, every single day.”
Fotini
“The moment I realized I needed help mentally was when I was spending more time in bed crying than being present with my family. I had tried everything–therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, yoga, working out, and supplements–but it still wasn’t enough. I became scared to leave my house, go on vacation, or even just be myself again. I constantly worried that something would happen to me and I would leave my boys behind.
“Finally, I sat down with my husband and told him I needed to start taking medication. After doing the GeneSight test with my PCP, it still took me two weeks to find the courage to take the first pill. I remember calling my husband shortly after starting it and asking, “Is this how normal people feel?” The medication wasn’t a magic fix, and I still had to put in the work, but for the first time in a long time, everything didn’t feel so heavy or hopeless anymore.”
Jackie
“Acknowledging that I need support AND seeking it out are two, separate, hard tasks, that suck. I’m superwoman, I handle everyone, I’ll handle myself too–but I can’t be everywhere at once. When someone asks me for help, I’m quick to jump in and help where I’m able and I feel great afterwards. I realized I can give that feeling to others, because I already know those around me WANT to help, they just don’t know how.
“I learned the strengths around me. This friend can host a playdate or slumber party; this friend can have deep talks; that family member can drive me to a treatment; my spouse can handle dinner. Everyone has a team around them, but you can’t ask a fish to lift boxes for you. Recognize the skills of others and decide when professionals are needed. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. A support community has a give and take and becomes stronger because of it.”
Karissa
“I used to think ‘I do yoga–I don’t need therapy’ until I did. I was experiencing high pressure at work and was postpartum during COVID. My face was going numb lots and tingling. At my primary doctor appointment she asked if I ever considered therapy. In that moment I felt like someone finally gave me permission. I almost started crying right then and there.
“I have been going for the last five years. I made a point to normalize it at corporate, telling my team I was unavailable because I was in therapy. I wanted others to know it was okay to talk about it because maybe they were seeking that permission slip like I had been.”
Nia
“The moment I knew was literally yesterday as I have been having a list of family BTS health issues happening with my mother and grandmother that have been weighing on me mentally. So much so, I took a personal day off from work so I could catch up and have some sort of plan in place to help out.”
If any of these shares impacted you, moved you, made you feel seen, or helped you recognize that someone around you may need support, that’s all we ask for. We share these moments with you to remind you that we are here, we are like you, and we are all in this together.
