DON’T JUST STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES… BREATHE IN DEEPLY AND LET IT LINGER…
As the bright lights of the holidays dim and the cold that chills your bones seems to wear out its welcome really fast, we start to think of new beginnings, look forward to the new year ahead and the renewing aura of springtime. This fresh start – this rebirth has me thinking and reflecting on the last year and how BALANCE has become a big player in my list of priorities. A work in progress, but a priority nonetheless – this sense of balance has given me a renewed sense of peace, of calm – of connection with myself and what MATTERS MOST. The little tweaks, the determination to proactively seek TIME – and to seek it often. Simply put, it matters more HOW you are than who you are and what you are…it’s that effort to be PRESENT, to be CONNECTED.
Indulge me for a moment…let’s return to the summer of 2014…
Ahh summer…time for fun, family, and festivities! Teachers look forward to this time of year as time for relaxation, renewal – a time to recharge and soak up time with family and friends. This summer was going to be different. The lists of outings and fun activities ran through my mind like the ticker at the bottom of a news station on television – never ceasing and always inundating me with new information, new ideas, new ways to use up every single second of summer with moments to be remembered. So desperate to soak up all the time I had with my family, to savor all those moments before it was time to return to work in the fall.
Funny, this word TIME. It can mean so many things – but to teachers, especially those who are parents, it takes on an entirely different meaning – which I personally felt for the first time during the fall of 2014. Backtrack to August 2014. The excitement beamed on my daughter’s face; she was finally a big girl and would be attending Kindergarten in a few weeks. I recall the giddiness and the back-to-school sales, the backpack selection, and of course, the outfit choice. Amidst all the anticipation, I found myself struck with the sting of letting go. Even worse, I realized I wouldn’t be able to drop her off, to see her off to the first day of her tomorrow. Immediately, the guilt set in, the sadness I desperately hid from her – as not to ruin her joy and exuberance. I maintained my smile despite the devastating blow of not being able to be there. Inside, my heart was shattered. I never thought this would be me. This milestone had come and I wouldn’t be there, couldn’t be there.
This is not something that crossed my mind beforehand. I always thought I would be there. The intense desire to be there to send her off and the inability to do so created an inner struggle I wasn’t prepared to absorb. My love for teaching long preceded having my own family. I never thought about the sacrifices: juggling the responsibilities of my own work, after school commitments, and pursuing graduate work required for my position. I began to feel the guilt increase as the school year went on. I was leaving when it was dark and coming home when it was dark – especially in the cold winter months. I felt this tug-of-war inside between my family and my work. How could I not give 150% to both? When you do anything where your heart is invested, it’s just not possible, right?
Being a parent is one of the most rewarding jobs out there, but is likewise one of the toughest. Being the parent none of the moms recognize on the last day of school picnic brings the guilt factor to a whole new level. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be the room mom or the mom who chaperoned on field trips, but my schedule never seemed to allow it. My daughter’s first day was my first day so there was no flexibility. Seeing her little face beam with excitement at that end of the year picnic because Mommy was there struck a chord – and boy did that chord resonate.
What I didn’t realize was that I was not only burning the proverbial candle at both ends, but I was not taking care of myself. My mother kept telling me to find balance or I would be “no good to anything or anyone.”
The struggle is real for educators today – especially those with families. We love what we do, love our students like our own children, but it can be stressful on a good day.
My mother’s words still echo in my mind: I had to do something to bring balance back into my life – for me, for my children, for my family in general.
So I resolved to CHANGE. Small changes. One day at a time. I promised myself to put work away at a certain time of night and snuggle my kids. I promised to watch that stupid show and laugh with my husband. I promised to take a walk, cook something new, but most importantly – to BREATHE.
I promised to breathe deeply when the stress got to be too much, to breathe in every second of every day with my kids and husband, to breathe in life – because we are all living on borrowed time. Life is short and it should be beautiful, happy, and savored.
All the flavors of life should be present on our palate – tangible, defined. At school, I promised to laugh with the kids to ease their stress. I was always a support, always invested in all my choices and all my plans, but sometimes you need to just let loose. It keeps you sane. We ALL NEED to laugh.
Fast forward a few months. As the year started to wind down and my coursework neared the end, I felt a sense of relief – that a break was approaching. Brewing in the back of my mind was also the potential to try something new – something outside my comfort zone – something for myself. Now I know what you’re thinking…”you’re going to add something else to your already full plate? Are you crazy, lady?”. I had reached out to my friend Sarah a few months prior after watching her enthusiastic posts about a new business venture in which she had become involved. For the first time in a long time, my heart said, “go for it, go for it now, go for it 150%, and don’t look back.”
May of 2015 – I attended an event and I haven’t looked back. I went for a goal and within my first month of business, I received a promotion. With humility and excitement, I read the post about my success and beamed inside and out. The best part is that my daughters can see that you can be a great mother and serve this world with passion and conviction both personally and professionally. I look forward to the days ahead not with naiveté that rainy days don’t exist – but that I have learned to dance on those days and all days. Meanwhile, I received a promotion within the first month and a half of business and another within the next few months and my business is growing every day. The best part is that I get to spread positivity and empowerment to others. Who knew that something that flows naturally into my classroom could fuel a passion outside of it as well? This only further proves that life may not take you in the direction you think, but maybe in one that is that much better.
It is imperative to remind yourself each night that you did enough, gave enough, and you are enough. Sometimes in our pursuits to help others, we get a little lost ourselves. It is not only good, but necessary to love yourself too.
Most importantly, let your WHY drive EVERYTHING you do and HOW you do it. Happiness lies in those moments of pure, unadulterated spontaneity, uncontrollable laughter and when you take those DEEP breaths of life and of living.
So my message for you is to breathe in all the happiness you can find – and if you’re not happy or you’re going through a struggle – know that life is a circle.
Tomorrow offers promise, but remember to enjoy today too. Breathe in love and spread joy. Be kind and kick ass because YOU CAN! My mission in life hasn’t changed, but the vision of how to get there and the willful enjoyment of the journey – bumps and all – has changed for the better.
