For as long as I can remember, I always hoped to have multiple children. After the birth of my first child, that desire grew. I wanted him to experience life with a sibling. A few years after he was born, my husband and I decided we were ready to try to have a second baby. Little did we know that we were about to embark on a three-year journey with secondary infertility, which quickly made me realize how much I took for granted with the ease of my first pregnancy.
Our infertility journey was long, complicated, and mentally and physically draining. By the end I had taken thousands of pills, self-injected hundreds of medications, and had countless blood draws and ultrasounds. I went to the fertility clinic before work, on my lunch breaks, and on the weekends. It was my second home during those three years.
I went through multiple painful procedures, eight IUIs, one egg retrieval, and four embryo transfers. I experienced a chemical pregnancy, miscarriage, and three failed embryo transfers.
My husband and I lost count of the amount of money we spent on testing, procedures, and medicine. This period of time in my life nearly broke me emotionally. Infertility is not talked about enough, so going through the experience made me feel like I had done something wrong and made me feel so alone. Questions ran like a loop inside my brain: Why was I struggling to get pregnant when my first pregnancy was “easy”? What did I do to cause this issue? Were we ever going to be able to have another baby?
Feeling Seen, But Still Isolated
During this challenging time, I was incredibly lucky to have an amazing support system. My husband, family, and friends supported me in so many ways. They let me vent, cry, and be angry. They checked in on me and remembered important appointment dates. When I found out good news, they cheered with me. When I received bad news, they cried with me.
They distracted me from the situation when I needed distracting. They gave me space and understood when I needed to be alone with my thoughts. Without them, I would have been lost. I always knew I had wonderful people in my life; being faced with these challenges proved that to me even more.
While this experience consumed my life, I didn’t want it to consume my day-to-day with my loved ones. And despite that amazing support system, I still felt alone. While I knew logically that I wasn’t the only one experiencing this, I was the only one in my immediate circle to go through it. That is when I turned to social media for additional support.
Finding Support on Instagram
I began searching social media for resources that could lend me additional support and comfort. I discovered standard support group forums; I quickly realized that they were not helpful to me personally. Then, I discovered a whole genre of fertility influencers on Instagram who were brave enough to share their journeys.
They weren’t selling things or promoting products. They were solely opening themselves up to the world and making themselves vulnerable to the public by sharing their experience with infertility.
They shared what worked for them during their experiences. They shared their fertility journey and their doctor’s protocols. Videos of their daily injections. Their blood draws. Their HCG levels. Their date progression at-home pregnancy tests. They shared it all.
And while their stories were different than mine, because everyone’s journey is different, I felt a shared a sense of camaraderie in the pursuit of having a baby. Because they, like me, were going through such a heartbreaking experience of wanting a baby so bad and facing so many hurdles along the way.
The Power of Strangers Holding Space for Each Other
I began to feel less alone and I soon realized how common infertility unfortunately was. I had no idea it affected 1 in 6 people trying to conceive. As time went on and I continued to follow these profiles, I was eager to watch their stories. I wanted to see what happened at their latest appointment. When they announced pregnancies I cried tears of joy, and when they announced losses or negative HCG tests I held them in my heart.
I also discovered Instagram profiles of reputable fertility resources such as RESOLVE, who give helpful, factual information and advocate for fertility rights. I discovered fertility doctors who went above and beyond not just for their patients, but the infertility community as a whole.
I follow one such doctor who hosts weekly question boxes where she can give true information from a medical professional (while of course, not actually giving medical advice). She also provides informative and fascinating videos of the IVF process and more, while sprinkling in some humor about the experience. Because even during hard times, you have to laugh.
These interactions are what carried me through as I waited to receive the call I had been waiting years for: I was finally pregnant with our rainbow baby.
Now, being a mom of three kids, I look back at that time in my life and think about how proud I am of myself and my husband for not giving up. It was by far one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but we made it through. We never gave up and I continue to be grateful for my support system that carried me through.
–Guest post submission by Samantha Potter
