Here’s something to think about: WHY do you have a baby?
Don’t look for the obvious answer of “Because I wanted to start a family.”
Dig deeper.
Why were YOU granted the most insanely-gratifying, draining, scary, fun job in the whole entire world?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’ve been very honest about how much my life has changed since having Lucy almost a year ago. And I’m realizing that she was “given” to me for so many reasons.
1) I’ve always been a control freak. I’m a little OCD at times … Ok, that’s a lie. I’m completely OCD. I was the girl in school who did all of the group projects 100% myself because I wanted to make sure they were done a certain way so that I received the best grade possible. Being a mom has taught me that I CAN’T be in control. Lucy is her own little person, and most of the time, she’s doing it her way. She’s feisty, independent and so curious, and so even if I want her do one thing, inevitably, it’s not happening unless she’s on board. Furthermore, I’m realizing that God is in control. I’m definitely not shy to admit that I’m a Christian, and I firmly believe that He has a plan for her life that’s bigger than anything I could ever dream up for her.
2) I’m a perfectionist. It’s ridiculous. My husband has to tell me to “chill” all the time. Lucy has taught me that I pretty much have to sit back and laugh at those moments when my perfectionism gets the best of me. Trying to keep an outfit clean so she looks halfway-presentable at the mall? HA! Yeah, right. Not happening. Making sure her nursery or our living room is tidy and her toys aren’t strewn everywhere when my mother-in-law stops by? I gave up on that months ago.
The perfectionism example also branches out to other areas of my life, those areas where I’m just “Shannon”, not “Lucy’s Mom,” if that makes sense. Sometimes, I’m so exhausted from chasing her around that I don’t have time to workout. Or make a Barefoot Contessa-worthy dinner. Or make sure that I picked up the dry cleaning. My little Lucy is teaching me IT’S OK. Stop stressing, mama.
3) Something else? I was always “ahead of the curve”. My mom and dad are constantly telling stories of how I walked when I was 10 months old. I was talking in perfect sentences when I was 18 months. I was reading full books upon entering Kindergarten. To be completely honest and vulnerable with you, I freaked out a little bit when my nephews and friends’ babies started rolling, crawling, etc. WAY earlier than Lucy did. I kept thinking, “Wait. This is MY baby. She should be doing all of these things FIRST.” Ummm … Earth to Shannon. She’s not you. And don’t you dare ever put that pressure on her. THAT is what I am teaching myself.
Here’s what I’m getting at: I believe we ALL “wanted to start a family.” (Or maybe you just received a very cute, cuddly surprise!) But I can bet that none of us mommies anticipated learning so much about OURSELVES from these adorable little bundles. I know I didn’t.
I’m hoping that we can all realize WHY we were given the privilege to be parents to the child(ren) we have, and appreciate all of the moments we get to share with them … and learn from them!
Barefoot Contessa recipes are so freaking hard! I’m a cooking perfectionist (and fellow new mom of an 8 month old boy) and I tend to think I can throw down in the kitchen. But I had the most horrific lemon bars incident with a Barefoot Contessa recipe that Turned me off form her entirely! But all these points are so true. Competition from other moms can be so hard. I’m learning to tune it out but it makes me feel better knowing I’m not the only one that thinks “OMG why isn’t mine doing that”
Great post Shannon. You speak from the heart and it is very refreshing. I was (am) a lot like you in the ways of perfectionism and OCD tendencies. But I now have 4 boys and I will tell you, I have learned to let go of a lot. I actually found myself ‘chilling out’ and relaxing more and more with each baby.I feel the me -now- is still very particular about certain things (their bedtime routine, their hygiene, their manners) but there is a lot that I just don’t freak out about anymore. I can’t. And I feel like I’m a better mother for it! Thanks for sharing and by the way, Lucy is just adorable!
It is so refreshing to hear someone that shares the same beliefs and opinions. I am a new mom to an almost 6-month-old baby boy and not only is it my first child but my little boy was diagnosed with spina bifida. There are times when I will ask God why this happened to our family or why we were chosen to take care of such a little boy, but I am so happy that we were picked for the job. Overtime my son and I have both indoor and multiple surgeries but that was the plan that was made for us and this little boy keeps me on my toes
*endured multiple surgeries… Although they were also indoor 😉
Always wanted to be a wife/mommy….I was not able to have children. I reconciled myself to that fact and was the BEST aunt ever. Forward to my 40’s…..through foster care, we adopted our adorable little guy at the age of 8 months…picked him up at 7 days old….unheard of here in TN. But God knew he was ours way before he was born …he is our best blessing and has taught me to “let it go”…..
Beautifully written, Shannon!
I often say that the first three weeks of my daughter’s life were the worst three weeks of mine because I struggled against learning pretty much all of these lessons. And I actually think I became a mom because I am a people pleaser and needed to learn to STOP worrying about everyone else’s happiness and comfort above my own. I was so sleep deprived and completely run down those first three weeks from trying to be super woman and do everything for everyone that they “expected” of me that I lost sight of the important thing: me and my precious bundle of joy getting to know each other. Once I put the brakes on my self destructive ways, the next five years of bonding with her has been absolutely mind blowing. Sometimes I still need a wake up call that it’s ok to stay in my PJs and watch Saturday morning cartoons instead of running errands. And my 5 year old is usually right on time with that reminder!
Could not agree more. I have been a mom for almost 15 years. I have 3 kids and they are all different.
While I am sure you mean nothing offensive because it’s become part of normal speech , it’s really not okay to say you are OCD.
As the parent of a child battling this terrible illness daily I want to take this opportunity to educate. You cannot be obsessive compulsive disorder just like you can’t be cancer. OCD is a serious mental illness, it is not an adjective.