At times, my life seems to hardly resemble what it was a year ago. Gone are the early morning sales briefings to review quarterly targets or morning workouts with my old gym crew (Side note: Anybody need any slightly used 33″ waist jeans that I doubt I’ll ever fit into again?)
Replacing them are smelly diapers, endless loads of laundry (at times I wonder if half of Oakland county sneaks their dirty clothes into our baskets), learning experiences and more diapers. Here are the Top 10 things I have learned along the way that I would like to pass along to help and encourage other daddies out there:
10. Never yawn while changing a baby boy’s diaper. Actually, never have your mouth open for any period of time for any reason whatsoever. Babies can confuse an open mouth for a bullseye.
9. No, the laundry never ends. Just when you think you’re done, it draws you back in. But be careful not to let laundry back up either! Wearing matching outfits is one thing, but don’t let the laundry inventory get so low that you are running to the laundromat wearing PJ’s and Halloween costumes. No one wants to be mistaken for Hugh Hefner and Casper.
8. One can run errands without a diaper bag, one simply shouldn’t. This is the parenting equivalent of playing Russian Roulette: You may get lucky a once or twice, but the odds will catch up with you eventually and the results will be messy.
7. When picking your baby up from daycare, always check thoroughly that the baby you are packing up is actually your baby. It turns out other parents purchase onesies from the same Carters and Old Navy sales that you do. Try to individualize your baby’s outfits when possible.
6. Sometimes, if you are not very careful, some babies you assumed were boys turn out to be baby girls.
5. Sometimes, even if you are very careful, some babies you assumed were boys turn out to be baby girls.
4. Any day you pick your baby up from daycare and he is in the same onesie that you dropped him off in, is a good day.
3. Remember that 40 week period called “pregnancy” where every syllable that came out of your mouth was the absolute worst thing you could have possibly said to your partner? Well that was actually a prequel to the feature film called “The Rest Of Your Life”
2. Things can escalate from “Bad” to “Worse” very quickly. For example: Forgetting the baby at the restaurant equals “bad”. Not remembering which restaurant you forgot him at equals “worse”
1. No matter how ruggedly tough & masculine you think you are, you will still melt to bubbly ooze every time that cute baby of yours smiles at you and says “Da Da”.
My absolute favorite part of the day is walking into Lil’ G-Man’s room first thing in the morning, seeing the smile of recognition spread ear to ear across his face, hearing that adorable squeak of joy and whisper of “Da Da” escape his mouth.
No sales incentive or personal workout record will ever compete with that. Although, at times, I do miss being able to button those 33″ pants . . .
