Confessions of a Mom with a Cleaning Lady

My husband calls it his least favorite day of the week. It’s the day before the cleaning lady comes, but more importantly, the day we hide everything in our normally messy house. Why do I put us both through this bi-weekly stress cleaning session? It seems so insane. She literally comes here to do the very thing  I insist on doing before she arrives. But every week, I’m running around the night before trying to give the person who knows the dirty truth, the impression that we keep our place in tip top shape.

Cleaning has never really been my specialty. I can surface level clean probably as good as anyone, but the deep stuff is not my forte. When I was pregnant, cleaning was physically difficult, so we hired some help. We mostly needed help with the tough jobs that require bending and reaching and things that can be generally tricky with a basketball under you shirt. When the baby arrived, we stuck with it because, well because, newborns and sleep loss is enough to make anyone forget how to sweep. But now, it’s all about the free time that having a cleaning lady allows me. 

Here’s a few things I wish I could tell my cleaning lady . . .

1.Don’t open that drawer. Or that drawer. You’ll find the entire plush cast of Mickey’s Clubhouse crammed in there because honestly, that’s the first place I could find to hide it. And if the door to my bedroom is closed, just don’t go there. We may never see you again and I don’t know how to call search and rescue. I want you to live.

2. I don’t really clean the floors between your visits but I pretend like I do. You know the truth, obviously. But the dog hair, it’s a never ending battle. I’m so happy that you just let me lie to your face and tell you, “it’s so hard to keep up with”.  Yeah, it’s really hard if you don’t try. And the cheerios you vacuum out of the seat cushions, sometimes we call that breakfast.

3. Speaking of my dog, I tell you the little eleven pound fur ball is harmless and even though she’s barking her head off, she really does like you. False. It’s not you as a person, more like the tools of the trade. It’s that big vacuum that you have to lug up and downstairs that really gets her going. I don’t think she’ll bite you. Probably not. I mean, hopefully not.  

4. It smells so good in here! With a baby and a dog it literally never smells like this! Is that scent floral? Citrus? Is that just what clean smells like?I can’t nail it down but who cares, it’s so lovely and it makes me feel like we live in the lap of luxury.

What I do tell you and should tell you, is thank you. You help contribute to my self-image that I have things in one way or another together. If it weren’t for the picking up we do to prepare for you, who knows where we would be. Probably living a top of pile of unfolded clothes, school projects and mail that we would never look at.