Getting pregnant is HARD work!

When did getting pregnant become so much work? You spend your young adult life trying your best not to get pregnant.  Every show, reality and fiction, show these first timers getting pregnant right away like it’s the easiest thing, like all the guy had to do was look at her and hello mommy!  In reality, my husband and I didn’t realize just how complicated it could be to get pregnant until we actually wanted to have children.

I’m going to share a little secret… when my husband and I were first dating, we had a little scare.  We went through the entire scenario of how we would make it work (at just 21 and 22) in the couple of minutes we had to wait for the pregnancy test results. We were so unbelievably relieved that it was negative.  Little did we know that this was a sign of what was ahead for our future.

Now, fast forward about five years later.  We had been married for just under two years and we’re ready to start our family. I already had some hormone issues dealing with hypothyroidism so I had been on medication for that as well as birth control to regulate everything.  With the advice of doctors, I went off the pill anticipating that it would take a few months for everything to become naturally normal.  After almost 6 months without a period (and a negative pregnancy test each month), I decided it was time to consult with my doctor again. He wanted to try me on Provera (to get my period) and then Clomid (to really activate those ovaries).  I had to go through two cycles of the Provera, and then just one cycle of the Clomid.  I was getting so used to seeing that ‘Not Pregnant’ result on the screen of the pregnancy test that I actually thought it said ‘Pending’ when I looked at it this time.  Now, anyone who has ever taken or seen a pregnancy test knows that ‘Pending’ is not even an option. After looking at it again and realizing it actually said ‘Pregnant’, we were ecstatic! 

Each part of the pregnancy I seemed to hold my breath until the next milestone passed. It wasn’t until my beautiful, healthy, daughter was born that I think I truly celebrated having her in my life.  I think I was afraid I would jinx it if I got too excited during the pregnancy.

Time to fast forward again… this time just 1 year later. I had decided not to go back on the pill at all, hoping my body would figure out a way to regulate itself.  Having very few periods is great… until you need one in order to get pregnant.  I never thought I would  look forward to that time of the month so much. But, after longer and longer time in between each period and more and more negative pregnancy tests, I decided it was time to get back to my doctor again.  I guess in the back of my head I thought if I could get pregnant once, I could easily get pregnant again.

After a few tests and discussions with my doctor, it was determined that I also have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), just adding to the list of complications of getting pregnant. This second round was a lot harder.  I was not only taking multiple cycles of Provera and Clomid followed by negative pregnancy tests but I was also getting false positive readings on the ovulation indicators.  It seemed as if this second baby was not going to happen. Not to mention the fact that having sex to get pregnant is not all that fun. People who don’t know what that is like sarcastically comment “wow, your wife makes you have sex with her on certain nights… must be a tough life!”

What people don’t understand is sex to get pregnant becomes work and it is difficult to make a whole lot of passion and romance out of peeing on an ovulation stick or taking my temperature!

It was shortly after I had come to terms with the possibility of having just one child that I decided to take a pregnancy test again one day after work.  I fully anticipated another negative result when a positive one greeted me instead.  I quickly took my daughter up to the store and bought a cute little ‘I’m a Big Sister’ shirt just in time to throw it on her before my husband got home.  We thoroughly enjoyed parading her in this shirt through the houses of both our parents and took many pictures for our announcement as well. 

However, this pregnancy was different, I felt awful (didn’t have any issues with my first pregnancy) and struggled to get out of bed every day. I felt less and less pregnant and more and more like a sickly figure that used to feel like a real person. On the day that we decided to announce our pregnancy to the Facebook world, I had a bit of a scare. I had some breakthrough bleeding that was more than spotting.  My doctor’s office insisted I come in to be checked out.  I kept telling myself over and over not to get upset until I knew anything.  It was when three people (two nurses and one doctor) couldn’t find a heartbeat and ordered an ultrasound that I started to come up with all the scenarios in my head of what losing a baby would feel like. Another fact about having PCOS, your chances of miscarrying is higher. 

Luckily, the ultrasound picked up the heartbeat and everything looked okay but this was all I needed to be reminded of that feeling I had with my first pregnancy.  I just keep holding my breath through each milestone. I’m now about 4 ½ months pregnant and still hold my breath at each doctor’s appointment until I hear that little heartbeat. I find it hard to get excited because I am so nervous that I am getting ahead of myself.  Every week I get a little bit closer to feeling like I can breathe again.

I guess what I am trying to get at, is everything happens for a reason. When we were younger and not ready for kids but so worried we would get pregnant, we didn’t.  When we were older and ready, we struggled, but it happened. I have to keep reminding myself that things happen to us in life, whether we struggle or not, for a reason.  I’m not always clear on what the exact reason is, but I am sure that each event in my life has shaped me into the person I am today.