When I saw her come out of school crying, I immediately went into panic mode. I scooped her up in my arms and wiped away the tears. I wanted to take away the hurt, and yet I felt so helpless.
As a parent you never want to see your child hurting, especially because of the words or actions of another child. So when bullying happens, even to a smaller degree, how do you rise above it? How can you help your kid to be prepared for the time when a bully may strike?
Bullying is alive and well, and we’ve all dealt with it to some degree throughout the years. If you think back on your own childhood, there’s a good chance that you yourself dealt with bullies before there was even much attention on them.
I’m not saying that my children have been targets or that the bullying has been extreme. In this day and age though, any instance of a child being cruel or saying hurtful things is taken very seriously. We just live in a different society now—and if you ignore the unkind words and actions it can evolve into so much more. So helping your kids early on can really set a good tone.
Here’s the thing—I never imagined having to tell my daughter to stand up for herself in kindergarten. Yes even five year old sweet little girls can be mean! I was astonished but I immediately went into “mama bear mode”. I tried to make sense out of why somebody would pick on my child? The reality is that you may never be able to figure it out, but you as the parent can do your best with a proactive strategy.
Give Your Kids Three Steps To Dealing With Bullies
It boiled down to a three step approach that we’ve kept with and it has worked really well for both of my kids. We talk about bullies, we talk about how words and actions can hurt, and we talk about being kind and treating people well. They know that it is expected of them to be kind and treat people nicely.
So if somebody isn’t giving them the same respect or if they have a problem, then these three steps are what they inherently know they can turn to for help with the problem.
Step 1: If somebody says something unkind or hurts your feelings, then you first stand up to them. You tell them that it’s not okay to talk to you that way and that they are hurting your feelings.
Step 2: If they physically hurt you or touch you, or if they continue saying cruel things then you go to your teacher or an adult. At their young age, I tell them that the teacher or adult is there to help them. I don’t care if it’s a noon aide, a teacher, or another parent, if you can’t handle the situation or if it’s keeping up or getting worse then you ask the adult in charge for some help.
Step 3: Mommy gets involved! I don’t want it to get to this point for a variety of reasons. Let’s be honest here and say that mommy knows what’s going on because we talk about these things. I hope and pray that they always talk to me, but for now I will embrace the fact that they still do. I will try my best to let them work it out for themselves, but if things are still happening or if they are getting worse then mommy will be at school meeting with the adults to figure out what’s going on and how to get it under control.
It may not be a foolproof method and I recognize that this may not work forever. For now though, this helps them to build confidence and sharpen their skills in conflict resolution. That will come in handy as an adult, because as we know bullies exist at any age and stage of life.
We also do role playing with our kids if somebody says or does something mean to them. We talk openly about peer pressure, because believe it or not that’s already come up in second grade.
Kids Can Be Mean So Talk To Your Kids About It
I can’t believe how quickly kids are growing up; they’re saying and doing things way earlier than we did. I also can’t believe how many parents aren’t talking to their kids or teaching them manners or discipline. Life can be cruel sometimes and so can people—and I feel like talking to our kids about what they may encounter helps a lot.
It’s a fine balance and we’re still working it out all the time. Sometimes kids are just mean without being actual bullies, but helping to instill confidence in our kids helps them to be prepared for anything.
Though the cruel words from other kids may hurt, I do know that they have the confidence and knowledge to try to let them roll off. I also know that they have a few ways of coping and hope that the bullying never gets bigger than them because of this.
I will do my best to stay involved in their life, to know what’s going on in their days, and to help them to be prepared for the kid that just doesn’t quit. All I can hope is that this will help my kids to know how to deal with these situations if they arise. I hope that “mama bear” doesn’t have to come out and that my kids are ready and able to handle conflict if and when it arises!
