Setting new year’s goals you’ll actually stick to does not need to be about drastic change overnight. Yes, another year is here and with that, so is the pressure to become a better version of ourselves–but let’s stop the same patterns from the past.
For many of us, the start of the new year is also the start of a frustrating cycle. A cycle of using self-shame to motivate ourselves to create massive change overnight, becoming exhausted, burning out, giving up, and then trying again. Often this cycle is repeated all year long until we finally get to another new year and think, “Now is the time! New year, NEW me! I’ll be able to stick to it this time!” . . . only to repeat the cycle again or give up on trying anymore. Sound familiar?
Introducing: The Four Pillars
If you’ve found yourself in this cycle, I have good news! It’s not you, it’s the way you’ve been trying to go about creating change. Trying to drastically change our habits overnight is not only unrealistic but it is not sustainable long term. So, give yourself some credit! If it was as easy as waking up one day and being able to stick to those new habits, you’d already be doing it.
Change is hard; setting goals you’ll stick to involves much more than waking up one day and choosing differently. Throughout my own personal growth journey and even more now as a life coach, I rely on several tools to assist myself and others with change.
I call them The Four Pillars to long-lasting change, growth, and healing. I’ve found that in order to create a solid foundation for change, we need a strong sense of self-love, personal growth, habits that support our goals, tools to overcome the challenges, and an ability to prioritize more rest + recharge. When we’re able to give time and attention to all four of these pillars, it becomes much easier to create the changes we seek. Change is still hard, and it takes time, but if we fuel our mind and body in the proper ways it becomes much easier to stick to our goals.
Pillar 1: Self-Love + Self-Acceptance
How often have you attempted to create change based on what you currently don’t like about yourself or your circumstances? We criticize and judge the present and hope that frustration we feel will motivate us to change. But attempting to create change from a place of hate or negativity only fuels more negativity along the way. When we struggle, the criticism and judgement will continue and we’ll eventually give up because it doesn’t feel good to try anymore.
We must be able to create a vision for change based on a love for ourselves in the present and how we want to feel in the future. Then, allow that excitement for our future to pull us forward.
When we struggle and make mistakes along the way, self-love must be there to catch us and give ourselves grace in order to not give up. A more loving perspective of ourselves helps us let go of perfectionism and rest assured knowing we’re always doing our best. When change seems to take a long time, self-love will tell us to keep going–because we deserve to live differently in the future.
This is one of the hardest pillars to embrace because most of us are not taught to celebrate ourselves. We are not taught to see what is amazing within us already and speak about that. We’ve usually been taught to look for areas of improvement and focus on that as well as the next goal we want to reach. So if this seems hard for you, know you’re not alone.
BONUS journal prompts to support Pillar 1: Write down three things you love about yourself every day, or three things you’re celebrating from the day.
Pillar 2: Mindset + Personal Growth
Thanks to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, we know that our thoughts impact our feelings and our feelings impact our behavior. So our life experience itself is determined by the value of our thoughts. Once we have the tools to help our mindset, we have more control over how we show up in our lives.
Without a strong mindset, it is hard to continue to show up for new actions and habits. We must grow into who we need to be in order to show up for the life we would like to have. My favorite tools for mindset and personal growth are journaling, gratitude practices, life coaching/therapy, accountability partners, and personal development books or podcasts. Once you know your biggest struggle areas, you can tailor the tools to support you in those areas.
Journal prompts to support Pillar 2: What is my biggest struggle when it comes to staying consistent long-term, and what tools can I use to better support myself in that area? How can I plan ahead to overcome these obstacles?
Pillar 3: Actions + Habits
Once you have a goal, it’s time to create actions and habits to support that goal. You are the only one who gets to determine what success looks like for you in this area–try not to compare your actions or success to anyone else. You are the only one with your specific life and lifestyle, so your actions and habits will look different from others. Once you have a goal and your definition of success, start small and stay consistent. Choose actions that are easy to maintain over a long period of time. Consistency is more important than being drastic in the grand scheme of things.
We usually know what actions and habits will take us to our goals but the issue we have with sticking to these actions and habits is usually that we’re not supporting them with the rest of the three pillars. That is why it is key to create goals from a place of love for ourselves and our future: to grow into who we need to be to consistently show up for these habits, as well as making sure we get enough rest and recharge to keep going.
Journal prompts to support Pillar 3: What is my definition of success? What actions and habits will take me towards those goals? How can I support myself from the other pillars to ensure I stay consistent?
Pillar 4: Rest + Recharge
Any energy output must also be balanced by energy input. The number one reason I’ve found that people give up on their goals is burnout. Not having enough energy to care about your goals is a quick path to giving up. This is why rest and recharge is crucial in achieving long-term success–and I don’t just mean sleep! There are several recharge activities that you can do, in even just 10 minutes a day, that will help you fill your cup and keep going.
As a mom, it is definitely hard to find time to prioritize ourselves and most of us have become used to putting everyone else’s needs before our own. It can feel weird or even wrong to start taking time for ourselves, but it’s so important for us to create the time to slow down, get present, and practice self-care. In fact, it helps us show up better for those around us in addition to supporting our own goals. Choose an activity that allows you to feel like yourself again, even if it is just for 10 minutes a day.
Types of recharge activities + some examples:
- Energy movement activities: singing, walking, exercising, stretching, sound bowls, chakra clearing, and music
- Restful activities: reading, watching TV, journaling, massage, coloring/painting, and crafting
- Social activities: catching up with a friend or family member and/or going out to social gatherings
- Solitude activities: spending time alone, sitting outside in nature, and disconnecting from electronics
A good consistent sleep schedule is going to help, too!
Journal prompts for Pillar 4: What makes me feel like me? What activities help me feel like I’m recharging and gaining energy? How can I create more time for these activities?
BONUS Pillar: Community!
Accountability and support are a game changer on your journey to change. Pick someone, or even multiple people, who provide a safe space where you can talk about your accomplishments as well as your struggles. This will help you stay committed to your journey. Detroit Mom’s community groups on Facebook are a great place to start if you don’t have anyone already. And remember: there is nothing wrong with asking for help or even enlisting a coach to help you if needed!
When it comes to setting new year’s goals you’ll actually stick to, it’s not as simple as “new year, new me” but with the support of these four pillars, I hope you’ll find success this year!
