I think I might be pregnant.
Oh joy!
Oh crap…
I am having mixed emotions. Of course I am thrilled with the idea of becoming a mom again. But now is not exactly THE time. For starters, I have an 8 month old. That means that only 8 months ago I became a first-time mom and in all honesty I think I am still physically and mentally recovering from that experience!
The Back Story
My husband and I struggled with infertility for 5 years before I became pregnant with my son. Our pregnancy was the surprise of a lifetime. We immediately knew we wanted to have more children and knew we didn’t want to wait long between pregnancies. I loved being pregnant and I definitely want to have another baby. It is an amazing gift to carry a child.
The Now Story
Fast-forward 8 months.
Yes, my husband and I still want more children, and preferably sooner than later. But is this the “soon” we originally had in mind?
There are a number of reasons my fear and anxiety are creeping in:
I am finally sleeping again! It’s not consistent and I’m definitely not sawing logs like I was pre-baby, but I am grateful for at least 6 consecutive hours. I’m not sure I’m ready to give that up yet.
My husband and I are finally starting to “reconnect”. Having a baby is hard on a marriage and I think it strained our relationship in a way we never imagined. We neglected to value and respect one another as our attention turned to caring for our son. As my son became the apple of my eye, my husband shifted to my peripheral. We need time to re-center our family and help strengthen our relationship.
Daycare costs are astronomical! I currently work part-time and it would be difficult to afford daycare for two children unless I could be promoted to full-time employment. Selfishly, I am not ready to take time away from my career to be a SAHM.
Physically, I am just starting to feel like myself again. I’ve stopped breastfeeding and my hormones are beginning to level out. Because I’m sleeping better, my energy levels have returned so I am exercising more and getting my figure back. I’m not sure I’m ready to let my hormones take control again.
Most importantly, I want to enjoy my first-born all by himself for as long as I can. He deserves the whole of my heart and if there is ever a moment when I can pause, reflect, and revel in my role as mom, it most certainly is when I only have one!
For all of these reasons, I have been avoiding the test sitting on my bathroom counter for a few days now. But I think it’s time to stop letting my worries get the best of me.
If the test turns out positive,
- Having dealt with infertility, the me from five years ago would be smacking me over the head for even harboring any feelings of hesitation.
- Our family will grow just as we intended it too. We have always wanted another child and the timeline shouldn’t matter.
- I’ll have another baby belly to love on for the next 9 months! I miss the squirms, hiccups, and even the foot lodged in my ribs
- I’ll have another kid that’s just as cute as this little guy!
5.My heart will grow ten sizes. It might not be the ideal time, but it will be exactly as it should be. There is always room for love.
Whatever the outcome, I am certain it will be the perfect step for our family.
Wish us luck! (and I apologize for the cliffhanger)
Total cliffhanger!!!