It may just be me, but making friends as an adult – especially as a parent – is so much harder than it was when I was younger. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the socially awkward teen of so many (seriously, SO many) years ago, but it’s tough for other reasons.
The #1 reason it’s harder to make friends is because there just seems to be so much less time available. As a real grown up and parent we have all these responsibilities. Also because it’s hard to hold a conversation with another grown up when you’re both wrangling infants, toddlers, and/or other little people. It ends up looking like you both have Tourette’s as you try to yack about what happened on The Bachelor last night, but every few seconds one of you is yelling, “NO!”, “Get down from there!”, “Don’t eat that!”, or “Get it out of your nose, NOW!”
I think most of us have heard the “find your tribe” cliché, and possibly rolled your eyes. The truth is, we all have different social needs – but having even one or two other mamas who just “get it”, and more importantly, get YOU, makes navigating the bipolar world of parenting a whole lot more fun!
When I had my daughter, who is now almost 6, I was pretty isolated. I suffered post-partum depression and none of my friends were having kids yet. Going back to work when she was about 6 months old was a good thing for me, but I still didn’t have a social life outside of my husband, the baby, and the dogs. When my son came along three and a half years later, and I knew I wasn’t going to go back to work, I knew I had to figure something out and make myself some new friends.
I’m still close with my long time friends who don’t have kids or who live further away. I do my best to nourish those relationships via phone conversations, meeting up for yoga, coffee, or the occasional wild girl’s night that concludes with me tipsy after 2 drinks. But still, so many of these women I love dearly can’t sympathize with the day to day that a mom lives. And it’s totally OK, it’s great in fact! I get to live vicariously through their stories of international travel, wild nights, and hot dates and remember that there’s more to life than just dirty diapers and dance lessons. Have I mentioned that I’ve been with my husband for 13 years? I’m 35 now, so it’s been a loooong time since I’ve had wild and crazy – unless you consider a five year old’s Frozen birthday party a good time, that is.
Finding my mom people didn’t happen overnight, and I definitely stood awkwardly next to some other mommies at the playground, silently willing them to ask me to be a part of their cool moms group. But I have a mom friend who I can tell every dirty little secret to about how frustrated I get sometimes with my husband and kids and I never feel judged. I have a mom friend who is wry and sarcastic and who took the time to walk me through disassembling my son’s vomit covered car seat via Facetime so I could make it not smell anymore. I have a mom friend who’s crunchy and fixes everything with essential oils and herbs like me. Another, our toddlers are BFF’s that play well together, so we can sit and ignore them and talk about anything BUT them while guzzling coffee. And I have a couple of Facebook mom groups that I’m active in, where we can commiserate, ask for advice, and post pictures of our kids without worry that some haters will not appreciate just how adorable they are. My life would be much less fun and much more difficult without these women.
Here are some ideas for how to find some awesome mom friends of your own!
1 – Facebook!
Use the search and look for groups in your city and/or county. Many of these groups are active online and in real life, meeting up at parks, play places, and home play dates.
2 – Meetup.com
Again, search for mom’s groups and you can also look for people with the same parenting styles or interests – IE baby wearing, AP, Fit Mommies, etc.
3 – Wherever there are kids.
Parks, the zoo, beaches, indoor play places, etc. One of my best friends I “picked up” at an indoor play place. Her kid looked to be the same age as mine and I struck up a conversation. We hit it off and the two of us and our kids are like a tiny traveling zoo visiting all the local kiddie haunts.
4 – Established groups like La Leche League, MOPS, MOMS, etc.
Google to find your local chapter, and show up at a meeting, and continue to go regularly. The other women are there for the same reason you are!
5 – Make cards with your contact info.
One of my favorite mommies made free cards at vistaprint.com with just her and her son’s first names, her e-mail address, and her Facebook page URL. Keep a couple in your back pocket, the car, etc. This way when you meet someone, you don’t have to try and dig your cell phone out of the diaper bag or try to outscream your tantruming toddler to tell her your number, e-mail address, or Instagram handle.
Don’t be afraid to make the first move, and don’t assume that someone who already has friends doesn’t want any more! Not everyone you meet will be a lifelong friend, or even someone you want to sit next to for 5 minutes – but with a little effort you’ll find your people and being a mom will be way more awesome with them around! Now if only there was a Tinder app for moms…
