My wife and I have been together for a little over ten years. We actually re-connected the night of my 10-year reunion that I luckily skipped. It’s been an entire decade! Our relationship is almost old enough to drive. So obviously, 10+ years and a baby have brought a few changes to the way we both look.
Even though we both look young, I was recently carded buying an “M”-rated video game, we don’t exactly look like how we did on our first date (going to see “Casino Royale”).
It sounds like a poorly written Valentine’s Day card from the 99 cent rack, but I still find her as beautiful and sexy as when we first got together, even though we’re not even 6 months postpartum.
I know there are some guys who love pregnant women – I’m honestly not one of them. I’m probably pretty oblivious that a woman is even pregnant unless she’s giving birth the next day. And that’s basically the moral of most of the story. I’m like most guys: oblivious. If you do not think most guys are oblivious, just listen to us talk.
When my wife would point out a stretch mark or comment about the size of her belly, I either hadn’t noticed or just didn’t care. I knew her belly was going to grow, but I also liked that it was our child inside there. It made her just as sexy. She’s always been curvy (she says it’s called an “hourglass” shape – we had a long discussion regarding “pears”, “apples”, “pineapples”, other random fruit shapes, but I digress) and I love her feminine curves. Now she just had more.
Going into the pregnancy, I don’t think either one of us understood the level of trauma pregnancy would put her body through. From the 24/7 nausea to the gluten allergy (which I didn’t know was a real thing) to running out of breath going up the stairs, it was quite the adventure. And “we” were able to laugh together through a lot of it. By “we”, I mean I was laughing with her, not at her – only she wasn’t participating.
When she burped, I thought it was hilarious because she was so shocked. When one of her breasts exploded eastbound (grew a full size horizontally), I just started referring to it as “my favorite” boob. (She said that “it just gave up on life.”) I think having variety is the spice of life and boobs are no exception!
The only dicey moment we had was her belly button. I was worried it was going to pop into an outie like a turkey timer – luckily it made it through!
The latest is she’s freaking out over how much hair is falling out of her head, which I guess is a normal 5-month postpartum thing. While I still believe that I have her beat on hair loss, I will concede that I am getting tired of unclogging the shower drain every weekend.
I thought the worst parts were the dialogues we had during hormone-induced meltdowns. My big mouth always talked myself into corners that I am lucky to have survived. Once when she felt that because of the pregnancy she had “lost her sexiness.” I stupidly responded with “Sweetie, you haven’t lost anything . . . you’ve gained.” I deserved that slap . . . never tell a woman she has gained.
Speaking of “gaining” though, men’s bodies are not immune to changes during and post pregnancy as well. Eating habits change, partially due to running out late at night for the “pregnancy craving” for french fries or ice cream (the husband’s favorite part of pregnancy) or lack of time to hit the gym after the small fry is born (see what I did there?). I know my 32″ waist jeans haven’t been worn in a long time.
Our little baby is 5 months old now and perfectly healthy, but he did put my wife’s body through some serious trauma for around 40 weeks. I have learned more about the female body over those 40 weeks than I ever realized that I didn’t want to know about it. However, at the end of the day, I can’t imagine it having gone through it with anyone other than my best friend (my wife, I don’t mean the boob).
Remember ladies: Men are oblivious. Please do not worry or become super self-conscious over barely noticeable stretch marks that will fade over time anyway. Or the small c-section scar along the panty line that only your partner will see anyway. We don’t care and will forget it is there. I know I still love to undress my wife as much today as I did a decade ago.
Ladies – your guy loves you regardless of minor cosmetic changes, but remember – guys are not known for their communication skills. If you put us on the spot, we will say something stupid. Don’t freak out over little changes that your guy probably hadn’t even noticed. And don’t freak out about big changes either. You made a human together and his part was pretty easy (and more enjoyable).
Neither my wife nor I have the same body today that we did when our adventure together started, but that doesn’t mean she turns me on any less now than she did ten years ago. And I question any man whose feelings for their spouse change because of a couple small appearance adjustments. Stop being so hard on yourself. After meeting and getting to know most of the lovely Detroit Mom’s Blog contributors (and hoping to meet readers at events soon), I can honestly say that you’re an extremely attractive group of women. Give yourself the credit you deserve!