It happened.
I’m done nursing.
And I feel like rejoicing and crying all at the same time.
I don’t get it! Before I even gave birth to Lucy, I had a goal for myself: I was going to nurse for 6 months. That goal really came out of nowhere; I guess it was a combination of talking to my friends, reading blogs, and just trying to understand how long I wanted to be attached at the hip (or attached at the BOOB, technically!) to my new baby. The 6 months came and went, and as I approached month 7, I got lazy. I started skipping my “pumping sessions” here and there. Lucy got her first two teeth. Ouch. I stopped nursing and moved only to pumping. And then I took a few mini vacations and got laryngitis … Which meant I started making excuses to NOT pump.
Before I knew it, I had no milk in a matter of a days … and my boobs were FLAT. Like, whoa. Pancakes.
Anyway, I hate the feeling that I STILL have two weeks later: I feel like screaming “FREEEEDOM!” from the top of my lungs, but I also feel like a complete failure. My friend Jordin breastfed her baby until he was 18 months old. Lindsey is going strong, and her little girl is nearing her first birthday. Julie’s baby girl is only 2 months old, but she’s adamant that she is not doing any formula until Baby Ava is at least a year old.
And then there’s me. The lifelong overachiever, high-school valedictorian, “Miss Perfect”, definition of Type A … and breastfeeding Q-U-I-T-T-E-R.
Do any other moms feel this way? MY mom (who did not breastfeed me, nor either of my 2 sisters for the record) told me I should be proud. I know I should. I gave Lucy the BEST nutrition possible for 7 months. I was not afraid to whip out my boob in the Nordstrom Ladies Lounge. I proudly exclaimed, “I need to go pump!” every 3 hours at work. And I got a great feeling of satisfaction when I looked at all of the milk I had stored in my freezer.
Would love for you to share your thoughts!
P.S. I loved taking “pumping selfies.” Can you tell? I pumped in so many different places … including a JANITOR’S CLOSET at a nightclub during an appearance for my job!
I feel like a creep commenting on so many of ur social media outlets! But I had to comment! It takes such dedication to even try breast feeding and you did it for 7 months! And with ur job waking up so early….. Girl ur amazing. I know there’s a lot “mom shaming” out there but don’t let other moms make you feel crappy about this! And now ur body is yours again!!!
My daughter is 14 years old but I vividly remember when nursing ended for us. I nursed exclusively until I went back to work when she was 3 months old and then I pumped and nursed. As she got a little older and started eating cereals and baby food she needed less so I was pumping less but still able to nurse her at night and in the morning. When she was 10 1/2 months old I had a work function that required me to be away overnight and when I returned she didn’t act interested in nursing so I thought okay, maybe we’re weaning down to bedtime only feedings. Guess what? She never asked to nurse again, she was done and I wasn’t going to push her into it because my goal had been 12 months and we were so close that I felt like her self-weaning was okay. It still hurt though because I hadn’t planned on it being the end that quickly.
I didn’t nurse her older brother and I can tell you the nursing experience is so much better. I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything and wish I would have made the decision to nurse my son.
You did good Shannon!!
I tried to nurse but because my baby was 2.5 weeks early, he wasn’t that into it. I was able to pump for almost a month. But then I got a kidney stone and decided to stop that week because I was in so much pain and literally, could not coherently put the pump to my boobs! I was also on the verge of not producing much. Now he is 4 months old and really chunky and growing off his nice organic, non-gmo formula…but I wish I had been able to produce more! You are very lucky you were able to freeze it and store!
Shannon, your post had impeccable timing for me today..it’s just weird! So I’ve followed you all this time because I was in the same boat as you throughout this whole journey. I just had my first child, a baby girl, in May so it’s been fun to listen to and follow you and “compare notes.” My goal was also to breastfeed for a minimum of 6 months and if I could go longer. I am a working myher also so I had to figure out pumping and all that, I have also pumped in some odd places including a computer server closet at a school.. Lol! I was so proud to be exclusively breastfeeding. As we began nearing 6 months I found that my supply was dropping a little and that days when I was with her all day, I didn’t feel like I was producing enough for her all day. So I decided I would start weaning off my mid day pump first, which has been amazing to go the whole day at work and not pump! My next feeding to go was going to be my morning one and then the night one and we would be done. But then, actually last night (which is why I said the timing of your post was way too relate able for me) I had to go to urgent care because I’m very sick with bronchitis, I ended up getting on some meds to finally get better and with these meds I really don’t want her to get them from my milk, even though the doctor said it would be fine. So in kind of an abrupt end last night I was DONE breastfeeding. Now I’m still going to have to pump and slowly stop my last two feedings so I don’t get mastitis but if guess I’m just done. I actually started crying last night when we got home and I said to my husband, oh my gosh I didn’t realize this morning that would be my last time breastfeeding her 🙁 just like you described it’s something other people who aren’t or who haven’t breastfed can’t understand. My mom ( who only breast fed me for like 8 weeks) encourages me that 6 months is awesome and my younger sister who has no kids said I sound like a crazy person when I say I’m sad about it. But I guess it’s something about the bond and that you were able to provide the exclusive nutrition and food for you baby girl for 6 months of her life! I feel like she is going to be sad, like mommy why aren’t you breast feeding me anymore, even though I know that’s crazy talk and not true ha ha. I still have about a month of a freezer stash I’m going to finish off with but when I think about the freedom ahead of me I do get excited! So from one momma to another who is going through the exact same thing, you did an awesome thing for her for 7 months and you should be so proud! Also, if you have any advice or strategies that worked for gettig her on formula or a good formula to use it would be greatly appreciated as I haven’t started that process yet! Way to go momma, enjoy your freedom!!
Shannon,
I can tell you my story, because it is almost identical to yours. I breastfed my daughter up to 11 months and one week. I got so frustrated because she kept biting and not letting go! I felt like a complete and absolute failure, because I fell 3 weeks shy of my goal to get to the one year mark, and quite honestly, I had absolutely no intention on breastfeeding in the first place when she was born. I heard my friends were still actively breastfeeding their kids at like 18 months, and I was jealous, but kind of like really glad it wasn’t me! Haha! Just remember, you gave your baby the best possible start in life, and that no one can take that away from you. It’s bittersweet when it’s over, but now you have that awesome bond. Best of luck to you and kisses to your baby!
Shannon,
As I read your blog about breast feeding I couldn’t help saying me too! after every sentence. Before my son came I set an arbitrary goal of 6 months. I too wasn’t sure why 6 months but it sounded do-able. At three months I thought, ugh am I ever going to make it? I persevered on and have now reached my 6th month goal but not sure where I should go from here. The two teeth thing definitely has me thinking it’s time to think about weening but I am caught between the idea of total utter freedom and the devastating fact that this is another thing my baby no longer needs from me. What’s next a girlfriend and telling me to get out of his room??!! As women we need to stop comparing ourselves to everyone else. Breast feeding in any capacity is HARD! There is a lot of sacrifice that goes into it and you should be proud of the work you’ve done! ps I love your pumping selfies. I too have found myself in less than desirable places. As I write this I am pumping in my classroom on my lunch breaking praying no curious high schooler is peering through my shades wondering where I am.
So you totally took off your top in the janitorial closet or was that a strapless top?
You did the best you can do Momma! Lucy will be a strong, health loving, precious girl forever. Be proud, you deserve it.
Hello! I am the same way! I just had my little Kenia In October! And I have been breastfeeding and want to breast feed for at least a year (not likely)! But now it’s like I’m going back to school in January and it’s like how am I going to pump there? I have never seen a nice pumping area on campus or even any pumping area! I think I might buy a manual pump and pump on my breaks in the bathroom :/ but I’ll see how far that will go!! But it’s so hard, this Sunday we went to a wedding and baby was hungry so I went to the bathroom and Breastfeed with a cover but it’s like should I Breastfeed while siting here ?
Thanks for sharing Shannon! I had the same experience. 6 months was my minimal goal (for no specific reason) and I made it there with both kids. I made myself crazy about nursing with my first kid. I NEVER missed a feeding or pumping session and stressed myself too much about. With the 2nd kid I relaxed and just did the best I could. Don’t be hard on yourself! Celebrate the accomplishment of providing what you could and leave the rest!