This year, our mom turned 80, and it was a beautiful milestone! We tried to surprise her, but how do you keep a secret from a mom who’s always asking so many questions? Looking back, she and my dad threw so many birthday parties for my sisters and me—it felt so good to finally give her a gorgeous garden party!
But, it’s hard not to think about how much time we have left with them. We’re at that stage where we’re nurturing our kids to become better humans for the next generation, while also supporting our parents as they age, helping them to stay happy and healthy. It’s sometimes referred to as the sandwich generation.
So, here are seven ways to keep your stress in check while keeping your elderly parents happy and active and maintaining your household full of joyful messes.
1. Ask for help.
When it comes to raising kids and supporting aging parents, don’t hesitate to reach out to your family or close friends when you need it. Having trustworthy people around to lend a hand or give you a break can really alleviate pressure. My parents are both over 80 and still manage on their own, but my sisters and I step in when needed. They might be stubborn about accepting help, but just do it—they’ll appreciate it!
2. Establish routines.
My husband always says a good routine helps keep you consistent and on task! Whether I was a stay-at-home mom, work-from-home mom, or a freelancer, getting into a routine at home has always been a challenge. But making the effort, even when things get tough, keeps both your parents and your kids on track.
For example, since school has started, waking up at the same time every morning and heading to bed at the same time throughout the week helps me stay on track. Having a certain day to plan what your week will look like (meals, lunches, dinners, or events) helps too, as does going grocery shopping the same day of the week. Even getting a workout in on the same days each week will help you feel like you have a good routine!
3. Set boundaries.
It’s crucial to let your family know when it’s YOUR time. Whether it’s a date night with your babe or coffee with the ladies, your time should be a priority on the schedule. We all know as moms, family is our priority, however–if YOU are not feeling like you are calm or in a state of well being, then this will affect the rest of your family. So when raising kids and supporting aging parents, make sure to set some boundaries.
I visit my parents three to four times a week to check in and the last couple of years, I decided I wanted to follow in their footsteps and join our Filipino community group to share our culture and spend more time with them. The boys have their activities, and we all love joining in on the fun! What keeps us organized is our family calendar, where we make sure to carve out a day or weekend that works for everyone. It makes a huge difference!
4. Get the kids involved.
My boys aren’t little anymore, and my oldest can drive now (still adjusting to that!). Getting them involved with helping our parents teaches them responsibility and gives them quality time with their grandparents. Like when my father-in-law needed help picking up his car, my teen stepped in, spending time with him and helping us out big time.
5. Prioritize self-care.
Without YOU, there’s nothing. Keeping up with exercise and a healthy diet will keep you strong and mentally sharp. Dive into that trashy book, take a long bubble bath, or stay out late with the girls—whatever fills your cup with joy, energy, and most importantly, love.
6. Communication is key.
Talking with both my elderly parents and my kids often feels the same! They both need things explained slowly, and sometimes, my parents need a repeat. Keeping open lines of communication with both can be tough at first, but with patience, you’ll get the hang of it!
7. Be real.
You can’t do everything yourself. Sure, you wanted to finish your to-do list yesterday, but life happens—the dog gets sick, someone spills milk, or you drop a jar of homemade buttermilk ranch, shattering glass all over the kitchen (yes, I did that!). The point is, you did your best with both your kids and your parents, and now it’s time to get some rest.
Nobody said this stage was easy—balancing concerns for your aging parents while setting the best example for your kids is a lot. But by following these seven tips, you’ll find ways to stay stress-free and keep it all together. Hope this helps!
