Maid is Not My Job Title

Dear Husband,

I was hesitant to write this, but I had to get it off my chest. I see your eyes when you walk into the house. The look that clearly says “How is this house so messy?? What on earth did you do all day?”

Here’s the thing. I’m a stay at home mom, not a maid, and lately that’s how I’ve been feeling, like a maid, and a terrible one at that.

Before I go on, please understand I know you are an amazing provider for our family. You work so hard and I appreciate what you do. When something is broke around the house, more than likely, you can fix it. Our children love you, and that is because you are an incredible father. Even so, I sometimes feel like you view me more as a maid than a mom or a wife.  

Now, this isn’t me saying “I shouldn’t have to do housework.”  As the parent who stays home I do believe part of my job is keeping the house presentable, and trust me, I try. But, there is a difference between keeping the house presentable and feeling like a maid. When you leave your clothes strewn about the floor, instead of putting them in the laundry, I feel like a maid. When you leave dishes out, instead of putting them in the dishwasher I feel like a maid. When you make comments about my house keeping skills (or lack thereof) I feel like a maid.  Not only that, I feel like a failure. I start questioning myself as a mom and a wife, and my thoughts start spiraling.

A good wife would be able to keep up with the housework.  

A good mom would be able to balance motherhood and housework.

Why can’t you do it?

When my thoughts do this, I have to stop and breathe. I have to remind myself that I don’t have to do it all.  I try to cut myself some slack and remind myself the real reason I am a stay at home mom. It’s there in the job title.  

Mom.

You see, when WE made the decision for me to stay home it was to be a mom, not a maid. So when you walk into the house, and it’s a mess I ask you this. If you see dishes in the sink, instead of adding to the pile, lend a hand and put them in the dishwasher. If the toys are still spread all over, get the kids and help them clean up. That pile of clothes on the floor? Throw the dirty laundry in the hamper. It may not seem like a lot to you, but it means a lot to me. Above all, talk to me. Ask me how my day was. Ask me if I’m OK. When housework starts slipping it’s not me being negligent, it’s often a sign I’m overwhelmed. What I need then is not judgement on my lack of housekeeping, but your love and support. 

Love,

Your Wife