I remember the day well. It was Fourth of July. My four month old, Annabelle, was home with dad. I was ecstatic that I got to enjoy a night out. I was at my parent’s neighbor’s Fourth of July party and everyone kept asking “where’s Annabelle”? At first I just smiled and explained she was home with dad. The questions kept coming, and people seemed truly upset that I didn’t bring her with me. It really started to bother me as well. The more people questioned me, the more upset I became. Thankfully, one of my friend’s mom saw me, grabbed me, and said “let’s go for a walk.” I remember tearing up, explaining that it had been rough lately since Annabelle wasn’t sleeping great. She gave me a hug and some encouraging words.
Up until that point I’d never really thought much about my feelings. I mean, sure, I knew I wasn’t exactly happy, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I also guess I didn’t realize that what I was feeling was not how the majority of the population feels. I just kinda figured that it was a rough spot that no one really talked about. I mean postpartum depression happens right after having a kid, right? Not 4 months later. Having my friend’s mom talk to me really made me realize that I didn’t have to feel like I did.
After I had Annabelle I went back to work and finished the year (I was a teacher). Once summer hit, I was officially a SAHM, and super excited about it. I expected to be relieved (I mean come on, no more pumping), and happy. I didn’t expect to feel helpless, sad, angry and questioning my ability as a mother. I imagined myself doing fun things with my daughter, then having some me time while she napped. I didn’t imagine myself rocking her (and rocking her, and rocking her) in a dark room, sometimes crying, just praying I would be able to transfer her to her crib so that I could get a little alone time. Having a baby is supposed to be a happy thing right? Sure there are sleepless nights, and crying, but overall, it’s supposed to be amazing. So what do you do when it’s not?
I remember going out shopping and people would make comments like:
“Enjoy this time now, they grow up so fast.”
“I miss those day so much.”
“Treasure this time.”
With each comment, I felt worse and worse. It made me feel as if I was an awful mother. I wasn’t enjoying this time. What on Earth did that say about me?! I wanted to cry (and sometimes did) when sleep took forever to happen. What kind of mother feels that way, I thought to myself. To top thing off I went from being a teacher, and working with lots of people, to being at home by myself. I am a social person, and isolation did not fit me well. I would go to Target or the mall just to be around other people.
Then one week my mom was over and asked if I was OK. She had noticed that I wasn’t my usual upbeat self. I told her how I had been feeling lately and she encouraged me to call my OB. I did and was able to go and talk to her, as well as the psychologist that worked in the office. They determined that I didn’t need any medication, but made sure that I knew I could call back at any time if I felt worse.
After talking with my OB I realized I really needed to find others I could relate to so I started looking for other moms in the area. I found an amazing mother’s club (which I am still a part of) to join. I really think that joining the club was a game changer. Having other women to socialize with, and exchange stories with was wonderful. I truly believe we are social creatures, and are not meant to be isolated from others.
It takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to support a mom.
**With that being said, if you are having feelings of sadness or hopelessness, do not suffer alone. These feelings do not mean you are a bad mom. Please, please, please call your OB, midwife or someone and let them know how you feel.**
I can definitely relate to this. I was living far away from family and really didn’t have friends I trusted when our son was born and my husband was leaving for another tour of duty overseas. Honestly the only thing that helped me was spending all of our time outdoors in the sunshine. Vitamin D can work wonders. 🙂 And a support group of course! Glad you found that!
Oh man, I can’t even imagine not have friends or family close by, then have a husband leaving for a tour of duty. That must have been tough momma! I totally agree, vitamin D words wonders! Hopefully you were able to find an amazing support group as well. 🙂
Love! Me, too!
~Angela from #nataliesbloggingcourse
I feel like there are so many women out there who go though this, yet know one really knows about it. Women think there is something wrong with them, and there isn’t.
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When I had my son I was a hot mess. I am glad you found people you can talk to about.
Thanks Sophia! I am too. I hope that you were able to find a tribe as well. Being a mom is tough!