Growing up in an Arab household, emotions weren’t openly discussed. Discipline was often unspoken—a stern look of disapproval that led to shame. Most behaviors were simply labeled as “ayb”—a word that conveyed shame and disapproval but offered no clear explanation of what was wrong.
Parenting in this way was what I knew, what was modeled for me. But as I became a mother, I wanted something different for my children. I wanted emotional openness, gentle discipline, and a home where love wasn’t just assumed, but actively expressed.
Yet, doing things differently wasn’t easy.
The Struggle of Learning a New Parenting Style
I remember being at the park and watching a couple interact with their daughter. The way they spoke to her, the way they responded with patience and understanding—it was so natural. I could tell they had a foundation of gentle parenting, something I had to learn from scratch.
For me, choosing this path came with anxiety and self-doubt. It felt unnatural to be gentle, not because I didn’t want to be, but because I had never experienced it myself. I had grown up with an internal critic, one that told me I wasn’t doing it right, that being too soft would lead to disrespectful, spoiled kids. And so, I had to reparent my inner child first. To parent gently, I had to first learn how to be gentle with myself.
Navigating the Guilt
When you start doing things differently from how you were raised, it feels almost . . . wrong. The guilt creeps in because part of you wants to honor your parents and their sacrifices, while another part knows you have to break certain cycles.
At first, I felt like I was silently accusing my parents of doing it “wrong.” But I’ve come to realize that breaking cycles doesn’t mean blaming them. They did the best they could with what they had. Their struggles paved the way for me to have choices they didn’t. I am not fighting for safety or surviving in a war-torn country. Because of them, I have the privilege of parenting differently. And for that, I am grateful.
A Personal Moment: The Fight to Parent Differently
When my son was first born, I was hyper-aware of how people treated him. I wanted every word spoken to him to be filled with love and respect. I was in awe of him—his innocence, his purity, the way he loved me just for being his mother.
So when I heard things like, “Don’t hold the baby too much, or you’ll spoil him,” it made my stomach turn. Why would I withhold love? Why would I deny my child the one thing I wished I had more of? Still, standing firm in this choice wasn’t easy. It came with guilt—knowing I was challenging ingrained beliefs, knowing I was doing things differently. But I refused to give in to pressure. I wanted to pave a new way–one built on love, respect, and tenderness.
I decided to show love at all costs. Even when it felt unnatural. Even when affection didn’t come easy for me. I knew deep down that this love—this intentional softness—would shape the foundation my son would grow from. I wanted him to feel safe, seen, and deeply cared for. And that meant I had to do the uncomfortable work first.
I kept reminding myself of the bigger picture, sitting with the discomfort until it began to soften. I leaned into love and tried not to take his behavior personally, recognizing that sometimes my reactions were just old wounds resurfacing. This process wasn’t easy, but I knew it was necessary. And more than that—I knew it would be worth it.
To the Moms Struggling With This Too
Now that my son is 13, I see the rewards of parenting with love and respect. I see the way he treats others with kindness, the way he makes confident decisions and trusts himself and I know that what I did was worth it. That all the change I made will pay off to see him a well-rounded and confident child that is an asset to this world.
If you’re on this journey of breaking generational wounds, know this—it’s not easy. Being the one to start the change is hard. It comes with fear, guilt, and pushback. But I hope you take pride in the choices you’re making. Our children are worth the fight.
Push through. Keep going. You are giving them something no one gave you, and that is an incredible gift.
