Enough, already!
On behalf of all moms, new mommies in particular: Can we all please STOP JUDGING?!
Good grief, I’m so over it!
(Deep breath.)
I’m a little scared to post photos of my daughter, Lucy, to any sort of social media right now because of the judgmental comments. The mall seems like a breeding ground for “baby experts.” Even friends and family can sometimes be overwhelming in terms of giving their “advice.”
I cannot tell you how many times a day I’m made to feel like an awful parent. And I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.
I posted a photo on my Instagram account recently (@cupcakeshannon, by the way!) of my husband, Andrew, making dinner in our kitchen with Lucy on his chest in the Baby Bjorn. Oh my goodness. Cue the SuperMoms and their judging.
“Those carriers are so bad for the babies hips and legs.”
“WHY would you ever subject your daughter to that thing?”
A pic of Lucy in her car seat with stuffed animal puppy strap covers?
The SuperMoms were in full force letting me know that strap covers are a “forbidden product” and I needed to read my car seat manual and take a safety class at my local hospital.
For the record, she was in her stroller, not the car. I put those on her when we’re going to be walking around for awhile so the straps don’t irritate her little neck. P.S. I took a Baby Safety class and yes, have even read my car seat manual, thank you.
I love putting Lucy in headbands. (She’s bald, so it helps people realize that she’s a girl, not a boy. Ha. Plus, I think they’re so cute!!!)
Well, SuperMoms are informing me that I really should stop doing that because she’ll be embarrassed later in life when she looks at her baby photos.
And comments on my post-baby body? I’m not even going to go there.
It’s so frustrating! We are all in this together. None of us are perfect mommies. And HELLO: We would never do anything to put our child(ren) in harm’s way. So just chill out! (Obviously, if you see a child in danger, speak up. I’m more so talking about the unnecessary comments and opinions here.)
I’m hoping I don’t sound like a careless, bitter, angry mama … because I swear, I’m not! I just know all about that little tingle of hurt that arises when people make comments. It’s stressful enough being a new mom and trying to figure out all of this “stuff;” The comments simply add another layer of anxiety.
I actually have a photo that I keep on my iPhone for moments when I need to step back and take that deep breath.
Encouragement is SO powerful at this stage in a woman’s life. It means so much to me when I’m complimented on how I’m parenting my daughter, instead of being made to feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Being a mom is such a beautiful, gratifying, amazing experience … Don’t ruin it for someone else.
I’m hoping that this little post will make us all think before we rush to judge another mom.
One more thing: You HAVE to watch this video that Similac did about this topic. I was dying laughing. They nailed it.
Dearest Shannon, I do not know you nor will I pretend to know you because I listen to you on the radio. I am a distant friend of your in laws, in fact our daughter used to babysit your husband and brother in law. There will always be people who think they know more then you,please just take their opinions in stride, I sincerely think they mean no harm. Your wonderful mother in law and sister in law are great examples of motherhood. I am sure your Mom is willing to answer any questions you may have as well. These wonderful women are the people that love you and know what is best for you and yours. Listen to,these terrific examples you are so very fortunate to have in your life. Because you work in the media, people think they know you and what is best. Your beautiful Lucy looks so cute, healthy and happy,looks like you are doing just fine. The time with our children,as you know, goes by so quickly……..enjoy. Most sincerely, Mrs. C.
Wow! This is awful. I’m so glad I am not in the public eye because I can tell you according to these mommies, I’ve done EVERYTHING involving parenting wrong!! These women need to get a life and worry about their own children etc. Shannon, please don’t let these women get to you. I love seeing pictures of Lucy on Instagram, she is a doll and I think you are doing an amazing job!! Nobody is perfect !
Renee
I love this post! I have seen the comments on your Instagram and was shocked! As a mommy of 3 little ones I know how stressful things can be and agree that no one deserves to be scrutinized by others when you are clearly a wonderful and loving parent. Plus most of the comments are opinions and hype about products they disagree with. I thought everyone put headbands and bows on little girls. 🙂
Aint that the truth. If we all start talking, the truth, we will all realize we are in the same boat. It’s HARD a lot of times. It’s LONELY a lot of times. We’re drowning most of the time. And it OK! Our goal is the same…LOVE OUR KIDS (the only way we know how).
I’m not a “new mommy” anymore (8, 10, 11) but I hate to tell you, IT’SALLFREAKINGNEW!! Every step of the way. Wait till middle school. eesh. As they get older, you might get out more….only to sit in a parking lot or bleachers driving your kids around. It changes. You change. Your kids change. They take your change. We evolve and adapt.
We could all nit pick each other to death. Why? We’re all making mistakes but clearly we are all doing most of it right. Mommyhood is awesome (and sucky at times) and YOU are all good moms. Wine a little. It helps! (careful that wine goes into your milk…haha). LG 🙂
This really goes for everything in life. The only person you can control is you. The only actions you can control, are yours. When you fully grasp this, you lead a much happier life. It takes some mental practice, but it literally can change your world.
I have mastered the art of “not giving a #U@$”. No joke either; I can read and listen to people’s judgmental comments and not be affected whatsoever. I don’t give explanations either.
I have long realized that judgmental people have issues with themselves. You are a greater target for judgmental (unhappy) people because you are a radio personality, you are young and beautiful, you know “how dare you?”. Sure, sometimes people mean well, and want to be helpful, but you can recognize those, and they sure as hell don’t write “why would you ever subject your daughter to that thing?”, there’s a better way to inform you of a product not being good for your child.
I am raising two kids, they are teenagers now. My best friend recently had her first child and started falling under pressure for every little thing, because people were judging what she fed her with, how she held her, this and that.
She called me one day to ask when would it be ok to start introducing her baby to baby foods, all stressed out because her cousin told her she is crazy to start at that specific month. I told her this: Listen, YOU are the mother, YOU know best, the only other person you should consult is a pediatrician, but ultimately YOU know best because YOU JUST DO, plus all babies are going through stages differently and parents simply know when it’s time for what. Next day she made homemade baby food because that’s what SHE decided was the best.
So, simplify your world by accepting that you control only you, and you can never control others.
All the best! Enjoy motherhood, and enjoy life!
Shannon,
I listen to mojo in the morning often and I love you all! ! I agree moms judge each other WAY to often and I can’t wrap my head around why! ! It is especially irritating when people who don’t even have kids put their two sense in! Do all you can to stay away from the negative Nancy’s though it seems impossible..whatever makes little Lucy,you and Andrew happy as a family is all that matters! Everyone is an expert on someone else’s parenting, they really need to practice what they preach!
Melissa Rabish
I work in health care and when a first time pregnant girl comes in I simply tell her this:
Everyone has the “right way” to raise a baby. Everyone one will tell you what to do. Everyone is NOT that babies mommy or daddy. All that baby needs is food, sleep and love. (Oh and booty changes)
I tell her it’s hard. I tell her she will be tired. I tell her sleep when the baby sleeps. I tell her you will loose your mind at least once a day. I tell her you will make mistakes everyday. I tell her you will think that baby hates you.
I tell her you will never love some as much as you love that baby. I tell her when he/she looks up at you and smiles your heart will melt. I tell her it gets better.
As a mother of 2, ages 2.5 and 3 months, I have made mistakes. I will continue to make them everyday. It’s not what you did wrong, it what you are doing right that matters.
Everyone, EVERYONE has an opinion. Some maybe right. The most important thing I feel I must do as a mother is go
With my instinct. I would never harm my child.
Keep on truckin’ lady. You’re doing great!!
You handle it with such grace, I think I would flip my lid!
Women can be so cruel …I never understood that. The working woman vs the stay at home mom has been a struggle for both sides. We should be supportive as women and understand that there is no “right ” or “wrong” way to do motherhood as long as it is done with the child’s best interest at heart. My mom died when i was 11 so i never had a role model to follow if you just follow your instincts Shannon and seek advice from the women you admire as mothers you will be fine. You will make mistakes…we all do..I feel sorry for the ones that don’t admit it. Signed a proud mom of a 19 y.o College sophomore
Amen!