Shortly before our second was born I remember my husband and I talking about how having a second will probably be super easy. We knew the ins and outs and believed that we could pull all of those tips and tricks out for her as well. Fast forward to now. Our second daughter is now going on 3 months and I can say that this baby rocked my world.
I could blame this feeling on being naive and believing that I knew it all essentially. But instead it’s just proof that every baby is drastically different. Our 3 year old was fairly mellow. She had some digestive issues as a newborn, but we were able to come up with a plan right away and combat it. Once we figured that out she was an easy baby. She slept through the night at 6 weeks and was always happy. Our second has a different agenda. She loves eating all hours of the day and night (especially at 2, 3, and 4 AM), but loathes sleeping all hours of the day and night. She’s not as easy to read and is very high needs.
Around 6 weeks postpartum I remember my husband coming home from work and I was crying in the kitchen. The baby had been crying pretty much all day from lack of sleep and our 3 year old had yelled “I don’t like you!” more times then I could remember. Dinner was burnt in the skillet because I had been glued to the rocking chair trying to get the baby to sleep. The house was an overflowing disaster. He looked at me and said “Are you okay?” For the first time since having the baby I was okay admitting that I was not okay. I really had no idea what I was doing.
I felt like I was drowning in parenting, keeping up with the house, and I wasn’t staying afloat. We have no local family which is a big difference from when our 3 year old was born. I envy anyone who has their mom living down the street or a city away. Lets be real even when you are a mom you STILL need your mom. I had this Instagram/Pinterest mindset of what bringing a baby into the world would be like. I wasn’t realistic. Getting a picture of her laying on a printed organic muslin blanket while sleeping wrapped up in her swaddle was not going to happen and I needed to move past that. It was okay if she cried during preschool pick-up or in the middle of the grocery store. Things didn’t need to be perfect and they weren’t going to be perfect.
After a good night of sleep, my husband taking reign of the kids for a little bit, and a much needed plan, things began to mellow out. A couple saving graces for me were:
- Routine and Structure: I tell my husband that I’m happiest when the house runs like a well oiled machine. My husband and I have designated evening duties before going to bed. Our 3 year old knows what her routine in the evening is and thrives off of that. We had a routine going before, but when you put a baby into the mix changes have to happen!
- Teamwork makes the Dream work: This goes hand-in-hand with routine. Not only did we need a routine, but we both (my husband and I) needed to be contributing. Everyone is tired come bedtime, but if we work together to get the kids to bed and house ready for the next day then it goes so much quicker.
- Go with the Flow: When my 3 year old was a baby I obsessed over sleep training, crib training, how much food she ate, her milestones, etc. I never stopped and smelled the roses, essentially. I keep reminding myself this time around that if Spencer is happy and eating well, everything else will fall into place.
Babies are a wonderful thing, but I think we can all agree that they are hard work and you never know what to expect with them. It is the best work I’ve ever done in my life though, and I’m happy we are starting to find steady ground as a family of four!
