Vulnerability Changed My World

I got real. I got raw. I got honest. I wrote in the moment and posted my feelings on Detroit Moms Blog’s Facebook page:

“This morning I booked a spot in a group fitness class. I’ve done this many times before, but I often back out within the eight-hour cancellation policy. 

I have the best intentions the night before, ready for a positive and healthy tomorrow. Then, the next day I wake up in sheer panic to be in another class with super fit women. I scramble for my phone and quickly cancel.

I breathe a sigh of relief that I don’t have to go, and this time I don’t have to pay. You see, usually I eat the cost of the class because I cancel last minute.

I’ve let myself down again.

I get on with my day, but I am filled with regret. Self-hate. Disappointment.

Today I booked my spot with short notice– just two hours before class. I did it from the gas station parking lot. I had already left home, halfway to the studio. I got here early, snagged a good parking space, and I’ve been sitting in my car.

No excuse, right?

But now I’ve broken down. I’m sobbing from the driver’s seat. Tears are dripping off my chin. I keep thinking about how I don’t belong with this group of women. 

I know I will feel better after class, but I panic about walking in the door. I know I’ll feel proud of myself for completing the workout, but I’m still sitting in the car. 

I know I’m creating healthier habits for myself, and the rest of the day I’ll eat and sleep better, but I hide out in the bathroom until just before class starts. 

I know I’ll get a better workout by sitting in the front focused on the instructor, but I choose the back corner spot so no classmates have to look at me while I fumble through class.

Well, today is a new day.

I’m going to dry my eyes, hold my chin high, and focus on me. I’m the reason I’m here. I’m the one who wants empowerment.

I’m the one who is constantly serving other people from my bone-dry cup.

Wish me luck. I’m going in.”

When this went live, I panicked. Why did I tell the truth? Why didn’t I leave my feelings where I always do, on the inside? But instead of feeling worse about myself, the most magical thing happened: people got raw with ME. Comments rushed the post. I connected with strangers; I talked on a deeper level with friends. My inbox on Facebook and Instagram flooded with very personal accounts of self-doubt, self-hate, addiction struggles, and managing mental health. Friends picked up the phone, and we laughed, cried, and commiserated over life’s struggles. People were so honest, and it opened up an incredible dialogue of stories from their deepest, darkest place. Some people went even further and offered to be my accountability partner. A few invited me to workouts.And you know what I did? I said YES!

Over the past three weeks, I let my brain, body, and soul take in all the love. I let my guard down. I checked my insecurities at a variety of doors and did barre classes,

meditated, mall-walked, cycled until I had saddle seat, kept up with group fitness classes,

and even tried a drumming class!

Every time was with a different person who also let their guard down and chose to be vulnerable with another human, sometimes a person they’ve only communicated via DMs. Being open with my feelings ONE TIME created countless discussions online and led to connectivity off-line. 

My cup is no longer dry, and I’ve learned to not hold it so closely. When I reach out just a little bit, people are willing to top me off. Not only am I gaining fulfillment, but I’m able to quench others’ thirst, as well. 

If you’re someone who bottles your feelings like me, I urge you to jot down notes– whether it’s on your phone, an old receipt, or a journal– and watch a weight lift. Take it a step further and text it to someone, or put those words in a public post. The resulting dialogue will give you a renewed sense of humanity and a realization we’re all starving for connection.  

Have you let your guard down and been honest with others?
What was the result?