Where My Girls At? From front to back . . . If you’re not singing the 702 song right now, you’re really missing out!
I was talking with my mom shortly after I had my daughter, and she said something that really stuck with me, “What is wrong with your generation of moms?” I am sure this is something we have all heard from our parents, particularly as it relates to differences in how we raise our kids versus how they raised us. I think my Mom was talking about something different though; something deeper than whether or not babies can have blankets in their cribs or you can use brandy to alleviate teething pain. I have to agree with her. Sometimes, no, a lot of times, I wonder, “Where my girls at?”
Where are all the normal moms? Not the cool moms. Not the crunchy moms. Not the hipster moms. Not the sanctimommies. The normal moms. I am talking about the ones who know that motherhood is not a competitive sport. These are the middle of the road, average, everyday moms. The ones who recognize it’s not always our job to spare the rod and spoil the child. That there is a happy medium for every issue and finding that is probably just easier than being militant on either side of it. That essentially, we are trying to not raise serial killers and hopefully, everything else works out.
Where are the working moms who know that school, the PTA, girl scouts, boy scouts, and basically the world runs on stay-at-home moms? And where are the stay-at-home moms who know that, at the end of the day, it will always be harder to leave your kids because you miss stuff? Neither is better or worse for your kids, but one is harder for the mom. That’s okay. It doesn’t make you a worse parent because of what you chose to do.
Where are the moms who know that breast is biologically best but also recognize that no Dateline interview ever asks if the murderer was breastfed as a baby? Where are the moms that accept that if you make a “non-traditional” parenting decision, like naming your child Apple or breast feeding a preschooler, you’re going to be judged? But really, why do you care? If you really cared what everyone else thought, you’d be doing something different, right?
Where are the moms that know when someone posts a video of her kid dancing to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song, it’s because she thought it was cute? It’s the mom that comments with some article about screen time that’s the real jerk. The fact that my kid can take a selfie with my phone does not mean she is going to be a non-functioning member of society.
Where is everyone that knows that we don’t need all of the positive encouragement and pats on the back and reinforcement that we are doing “it” right? Guess what, none of us have any clue if we are. You don’t have to ask how people have it together. The moms who pretend they do are balancing on the same precarious house of cards that you are. Everyone has bad days. There’s no playbook because motherhood is not a competitive sport.
I know there’s got to be a bunch of normal moms out there, right? Honestly, it took me a while to get this post done. I wrote it over and over in my mind and on paper. I wanted to express my desire to find the regular moms without sounding like a whiny hypocrite. I’m not sure I was successful, so if I wasn’t let me know in the comments.
I’m here!! Right here!! I ask this question all the time. Remember that song Where Did All The Cowboys Go by Paula Cole? I’d like to know where all the normal moms went. Are they with the cowboys?
That’s a great song too! Maybe this will inspire my next post…
Now we have the competition of school lunches and who can make pandas out of lunch meat and bread. I’m lucky if I have enough to throw into a lunch if not it is hot lunch at school… the competition of mommyhood is exhausting.
If your kids are anything like I was in school, even if you make a lunch, they are only eating about half of it anyway, regardless of what they say. Good luck this school year, and just don’t compete!
Normal here! I wish my girls would buy their lunch so I don’t have to put it together every morning! To keep it easy I send a lot of lunchables…..I know. Not good for you, but they love it and it’s easy.
And you have inspired a future post! Thanks for reading this one, Renee!
I love this. I have an 8 week old daughter and I’m still hopeful that most moms are normal although I only have two mom friends so we’ll see.
Fingers crossed for you. Enjoy your new baby gal!
Absafrickinlutely! I hate being with other Moms and you hand them your phone so they be quite or let them know how mate your kid really stays up- and you just wait for the looks. “I never let my kids use my phone”…”my kids go to bed at 7 every night”…” no sugar for my kids til they’re 5″…I am human and I do want my kids to have a happy childhood- 95% they won’t remember anyways. My oldest will push your buttons relentlessly, I never thought I would spank my kids but I literally HAVE to because nothing else works with her. My second child, it only takes a firm voice and my oldest (who’s almost 5) rarely gets spanked but occasionally I have to or she doesn’t seem to get the point. Thank you for this article- people try to make parenting too hard and too easy for the kids. We all need to help each other to vent, share when our kids are perfect people and help each other through!
They are out there. Some of us have been lucky to find a few ride or die mommas. But it took time. It took a lot of being on the outside. It took everything I had to stay true to myself and my family. That’s really all that matters and when you do, with time everything else falls into place. Mommas need their outlets!
Agreed. Mom tribes are the best. Just have to find the right one for yourself!
I’m going to dare to say – all mom’s are normal moms. Every parent is working towards the same goal of not raising an asshole. No mom is trying to prove that she is working harder toward that goal by breastfeeding or attachment parenting or making Panda bentos for lunch! As a community I believe all parents just want to share their knowledge with each other, inspire each other and support each other. Everyone has the same insecurities even if some seem more confident than others, or more creative – we were all first timers at one point. My kid practically gets a charcuterie for lunch because she likes deli meats and olives – it’s not because I’m fancy or creative 😉 Good luck to all the moms!
I think you’re right that everyone is insecure about aspects of parenting, and it’s important for everyone to know that it’s not a competition. That applies as much to the person who is insecure as the one posting or commenting to “remind” others that they are a “better” parent. We are all doing our best on our own way.