I Don’t Want Work-Home Balance

By

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February 27, 2018

When I became a mother, a working mother to be exact, I was convinced I would find the perfect balance. I would be able to manage my career in private practice while still having some days “off” at home. I felt grateful and blessed. I was convinced that “I had it all.” After all, I could take my daughter to Toddler Ballet, maintain a full work schedule, be the Kindergarten room mom, and travel for national conferences. Problem solved, if I could do it all I did not have to choose between work and staying home.

After about two years of my double life as stay at home mom and self- employed business owner, funny things started happening.

I took my daughter for her wellness visit on the wrong day.
I missed a meeting because I thought the day was February 12. It was February 19.
I accidentally messed up my work schedule.

After digging deep and some significant reflection, I realized I was not living a balanced life at all. In fact, I was overextended and overwhelmed. I had mistaken balance for doing it all. I let guilt (oh the mama guilt!) and perfectionism drive me to believe I had to do everything under the guise of being balanced. Over time, I started to realize I could strive for balance by letting go of trying to achieve it. Instead, I accepted the fact that the pendulum will swing. Sometimes work will be more demanding and I will be home less. Other times, I can step away from work and be home more.

Letting go of the elusive balance and escaping guilt and perfectionism allowed me to choose where to put my energy most of the time. It also provided the freedom to say no and not chose everything all of the time.

What are some of your tips for managing flexibility and balance? How do you say no?

Preschool: Best Decision Ever

By

daniellealexander

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February 26, 2018

“Down, around, and give it a hat!” my 2.5-year-old daughter excitedly said while drawing with her finger on the fogged shower door.

“What are you making?” I asked.

“The number five, Mom. Down, around, and give it a hat! See Mama! A five!” she replied, proudly pointing to her dewy scribble.

Her “five” was not quite the same fifth number you and I are familiar with; nevertheless, the fact that she learned a mnemonic for when she is ready to write an actual five was quite impressive. Why didn’t I think of that? This internal thought has definitely frequented my mind lately. I mean, I have both a bachelor’s and master’s degree in education. Shouldn’t I be able to think of creative methods like this to better teach her?

It was about this time last year when my husband and I were deciding whether or not to send our daughter to preschool in the fall. When we began our search, we could not believe the costs! You’re home during the days, my guilty conscience reminded me. It doesn’t really make sense to pay ALL that money if you don’t have to pay for childcare. Also, she’ll only be 2.5. Is there even a point in sending her this early?

We recognized that the expectations for kindergarteners today are much higher than they were for us as children, and despite the crazy expense, we decided to give it a try. And now that we get to hear all about our once very anti-social, shy, and even, at times, aggressive daughter reading with her teacher, singing and dancing in music class, and hugging her peers when they get hurt, I can’t tell you how pleased we are with our choice. Preschool truly provided her with the opportunity to flourish, and she’s a totally different kid because of it. As a result, I unexpectedly became a changed mom.

The last week of summer vacation was ridiculously hard for me. Up until that point, it was usually just my daughter and I, and although we were expecting another baby soon, the idea of dropping her off somewhere (besides my gym’s daycare where I’m just one floor above her for less than an hour), definitely freaked me out. To my amazement though, she could not wait to start: “Preschool today, Mama?,” “Other kids gonna be there?,” “Lots of toys to play with! Right, Mom?,” etc. This same excitement continued up until her first day. And every single day after that.

Who knew the thrill of going to preschool was contagious though? It didn’t take long for me to begin looking forward to those two quiet, toddler-free mornings, as well. I was able to get my lesson plans done for my tutoring business and writing work in before deadline, even sometimes still having a half hour or so to run an errand or two. It was beyond glorious.

Although when my son was born, preschool was no longer just a commodity to me; it actually became a necessity for my sleep-deprived and hormonal self. Tuesdays and Thursdays meant one-on-one baby snuggles and HOT coffee. With no Barbie dolls or stuffed animals to trip over, Daniel Tiger whining in the background, or constant trips to the potty where I balance the infant in my left arm while wiping a toddler’s butt with my right. I began to rely on these days for a recharge. Without them, the two afternoons and other five days my toddler was home became extremely overwhelming for me.

Prior to preschool, my perfectionist-self was always feeling guilty. For example, even though I know the importance of creative play, I have never been, nor will probably ever be, a Play-Doh, glitter, and paint type-of-mom. Luckily, I no longer have to feel bad since my daughter gets her fill of this at school now. Another perk for me is that when she’s at school, absolutely no technology is being used. Now that we have two kids, the TV and iPad seem to be on more than in the past. Instead of feeling like the worst mom ever for “plugging her in” while I feed or bathe the baby, I feel content knowing that while she’s at school, she is communicating face-to-face, using her imagination, and, without a doubt, learning a ton.

Recently I asked Analise why she likes preschool so much. She replied, “I like preschool because it is fun, and my teachers and friends love me.” It’s really been a win-win for both of us.

Interested in sending your kiddo to preschool in the fall? Luckily, metro Detroit has a large amount to choose from. Click here for Detroit Moms Blog’s 2018 Ultimate Preschool Guide.

Giving Birth to Motherhood: How to Write Your Birth Story

By

Kelsie Rodriguez

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February 25, 2018

When my son was still an infant, I stumbled across some slightly crumpled papers in a desk drawer: a brief version of my birth story that I had scribbled down a few months prior. As I re-read it, I was struck by moments and emotions that I had already forgotten. My son’s birth was not easy, and in my preoccupation with what was difficult, I’d overlooked some of the positive feelings I had experienced. Someday, I thought, I’ll take the time this deserves and put every detail to paper. It was a process I knew I wanted (needed) to devote more time to, one day, maybe after I’d had more time to reflect. I continually put it off.

The how and what and why of each birth story is unique, but the importance of expressing it is universal. Documenting our stories gives us ownership and pride over the amazing feats our bodies have accomplished. When I first saw Amie McCracken’s book, Giving Birth to Motherhood: How to Write Your Birth Story, I was reminded to finally do what I’d been procrastinating for over two years: I would dedicate the time and energy that my birth story, the most challenging and undoubtedly best day(s) of my life, deserved.

The book is formatted as a writing guide, with brief summaries at the beginning of each chapter, followed by open-ended prompts regarding all aspects of your birthing experience, including the role of your partner, the group dynamic with providers, your own expectations of yourself and your body, and the logistics of what happened. In the end, there is guidance to reflect and synthesize these pieces into one cohesive narrative, all while considering your intended audience. Is this something you’ll want to share with others? Or something you’re doing solely for yourself?

I decided that I would write for me, free of apprehension about whose well-meaning eyes might one day read it. I wanted to let myself be truly open, honest, and vulnerable. While my toddler napped, I’d prepare a cup of tea, play some relaxing music, and devote an hour or two to writing.

Writing was powerful. Draining. Emotional. At times, uncomfortable. And ultimately, rewarding. Just like the birth experience itself. Some prompts brought up feelings that surprised me in their intensity, and details I’d forgotten flooded back as I let my thoughts flow from pen to page: my husband sneaking me red popsicles after 30-some hours of labor, my doula tying my hair up into a ponytail while I was pushing. Even after two and a half years, these once-dormant memories were incredibly vivid.

As I prepare to give birth to my second child in a few months, this book has allowed me to forgive and accept the parts that did not go according to plan and to acknowledge how strong and capable my body is. Yes, I actually did it – I brought a life into the world! Yes, I can (and will) do it again! And on a late spring day after this new baby has arrived, I’ll sit down with Amie’s book and relish writing another birth story.

If you are a woman who has given birth, this book is a great avenue for reflection. The tone is encouraging, non-judgmental, and inclusive of all experiences and situations. Whether you welcomed your baby into the world yesterday or years ago. Whether your birth was traumatic or went perfectly according to plan. Whether you had a hospital birth, a home birth, a vaginal birth, a C-section, an epidural, an episiotomy, or some combination of the above. Your story may be a triumphant praise of yourself, your baby, and all who supported you, or a vulnerable voice accepting what was difficult and disappointing. Either way, your story deserves to be told, whether it’s discussed with your partner, shared with your baby one day, or kept to yourself.

Who else is going to tell it?

Amie McCracken edits and typesets books for self-published authors. Four months after her son was born, she sat down with a journal and wrote her birth story, discovering more through that process than she could have ever imagined. She felt compelled to bring that same healing to other mothers.

Giving Birth to Motherhood, How to Write Your Birthol Story was created to help mothers find their feet by journaling their birth story. Using a mixture of essays and writing prompts, this book will help mothers discover more about themselves as people and find catharsis.

Preparing For The Storm Rather Than Weathering It

By

jasminepatton

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February 22, 2018

Every year we think to ourselves next year/month/tomorrow will be better than last. Hopeful thoughts and wishful thinking are a part of our Mama DNA. This year I thought and feel differently about wearing positive pants and promoting peace and joy to every mom in the thick of mommy hood.

“I know this year will be different” I said to myself and it’s not just because of positive affirmations and hopeful wishing. This year is going to be different because I have every intention to fight for it to be so. Not fight in the sense of trying to do everything myself, feeling depleted, and looking up only to realize I let my self-care and self-esteem go down the drain.

I know parts of this upcoming year will kick my behind. I have simply made a decision that it doesn’t matter. I acknowledge that people’s coping skills, tolerance for mess, and overall stress tactics widely range and at times will waver and get the best of us. Still, I’ve talked to so many women, mamas in particular, and the consensus ended with good riddance to 2017 and hello to the New Year because anything new has got to be better than what we went through last year.

I also concluded that most of us did not proactively prepare for the just around the corner mess many of us faced. We didn’t prepare because we chose to hope for the best and “deal with difficulty as it comes.” I get it, I’ve done it, and I don’t know about you but that method just did not work for me. Mindlessly choosing to not be present on the regular is actively choosing to at times to be willingly negligent.

This type of behavior led to a huge feeling of overall defeat. Rather than put up any fight I forfeited and called becoming numb a low level effort of “trying.” I mean let’s face the facts: rather than building a strong mama muscle with endurance I wound up becoming frozen in the thick of life getting tough. This would make any mother/woman feel deflated.

Until now I have created an existence of knowing what works for me but not spending time daily making appropriate changes to any of those areas. I patted myself on the back at night grateful that “I made it through another day.” Is that what it has come to, just to make it? I call insanity.

No! I have faith, as small as it may be at this particular point in my journey, that I am called as a mama to give it all I got in a smart and healthy manner. Where I am proactive more than reactive, acknowledging it’s going to hit the fan and planning for it. I realized my true non-negotiable’s this year are:

1. Mental strength training.

2. Physical exercise.

3. Proper food to fuel my mind with enough energy to make it through the day.

4. Creating and sharing my boundaries.

5. Actively participating in regimens that boost my overall self-esteem.

These are the things that will get me through and I need to train now to be ready for what storms are on the horizon. Training and prepping my entire mind, spirit, and body with armor and the faith of a mustard seed so when “it” does happen I am ready. I am ready because I fully acknowledge the encouraging light at the end of tunnel of having faith and doing the work.

I encourage the mamas reading this to acknowledge the loops and insanity cycles in their life, break the patterns down, and insert a proactive action to counter the learned behavior. After completing this step make your non-negotiable’s list AND stick with it!

Fight for your peace of mind proactively this year before the chaos, challenging learned behavior, and storms as they appear. Embrace the moments of good but acknowledge we have work to do. Stir up encouragement in yourself and offer it to another mama. We know what’s required of us, what is too much, and what WE need individually to be our best selves.

Don’t allow excuses of “it” happening and not taking care of yourself in, before, and after the storm because we already know it’s coming. It is time to get ready mama.

I Don’t Want to Be an Angry Mom {Check In}

By

Danielle S

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February 21, 2018

So it’s been a month since I posted about my desire to be a less angry mom. If you missed my first post, you can check it out here. However, here is a quick recap if you need a refresher. I realized that I was always angry. I found myself getting frustrated at the drop of a hat. I didn’t want my girls to grow up and remember me as an angry mom, so I decided to do something about it. I’m ready to check back in with the results of my quest.

I am pretty surprised that the thing that helped me most was repeating the mantra I came up with:

“Breathe. I am a loving parent and can handle this in a calm manner.”

I honestly thought that this would have been the least helpful of them all. I’m not one to sit still or meditate, so I always shrugged at the thought of a mantra. In fact I even rolled my eyes when people brought up mantras. I just didn’t get them. Well, now I do.

Repeating my mantra when I started seeing red, truly helped me bring my temper down a notch. Saying the words made me pause, and just take a few seconds to gather my thoughts before reacting. I was then able to respond to the situation calmly.

Coming in second was reducing my time on social media. Now, I’m not saying I was perfect, because I occasionally got sucked into scrolling through Facebook. However, when I closed my computer and put down my phone I noticed a big difference. My brain wasn’t going a mile a minute trying stay on top of everything going on online. I was able to to focus more on my girls. They were calmer, which meant less fighting. Less fighting equals a happier, less angry mom.

Third in line was having more play dates. I totally thought this would have been number one since I love having people over. Even just having people over once still helped though. While the kids played in the family room, we all chatted and enjoyed a glass (or two) of wine in another room. Not only do the kids get to play with different people, there is just something to be said about being able to talk to other adults that helps lift a mood.

The last three goals I had for myself were to drink more water and eat healthy snacks, get some me time in, and keep things clean. Unfortunately these were areas that I still struggled with. I really think that keeping things cleaned and organized will help my mindset so I am going to continue to strive for that throughout the year. I will also be staying on top of my kids to put toys away when they are done with them, so at the end of the day our play room isn’t a disaster.

Overall, I am pleased with how everything went. I really do feel that I was less angry of a mom this past month. Sure I had moments where I snapped, but they were less than they have been in the past. As the year goes on, I will continue to work on improving my mindset.

I know I don’t want to go back to where I was before, and am striving to be a more joy filled mom.

Date Night With Adults-Only Hudsonville Ice Cream Treats!

By

Courtney

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February 20, 2018

Shortly after our three children are tucked into bed, it’s not uncommon for my husband to appear with a bowl of Hudsonville Ice Cream in his hands.

I laugh every time, because I know that my better half has pilfered his treat from the hidden stash that he keeps in our basement freezer. In other words, the kids are not allowed to have it!

Not to worry, we keep a carton of Super Scoop on hand for our little ones to enjoy. But my husband’s favorite Hudsonville flavors like Mackinac Island Fudge? He likes to enjoy them by himself, while unwinding at the end of the day. When I asked why Hudsonville was his ice cream of choice, my hubby simply replied “it’s my Dad’s favorite,” and “he always told me that most of the world’s problems could be solved with ice cream”.

I fell in love with that simple yet profound perspective, and I’ve come to enjoy taking part in this evening ritual with my husband. As busy parents, it’s so challenging to find time just to ourselves. It’s been fun and even vital to carve out a space for just the two of us. We have a chance to enjoy rare, uninterrupted adult conversation! It’s a great way to connect at the end of a long day of working and parenting.

Being a born and raised Michigander with a passion for supporting local business, I’ve enjoyed learning more about the Hudsonville brand. The Hudsonville Creamery is based in West Michigan and believes in sourcing quality, local ingredients. Paying homage to its home state, Hudsonville uses locally sourced milk and cream in the crafting of each product. In fact, the company built its facility near local dairy farms so it could have access to the freshest milk for their ice cream. There truly is local goodness in every bite!

We’ve sampled many Hudsonville flavors over the years, including some really fun Limited Edition varieties. While Mackinac Island Fudge has always reigned supreme, a new flavor is offering up some competition this month: Creamery Blend Vanilla. Yes, vanilla! This intriguing new vanilla first caught my attention due to its fancy new packaging. The classic blue and white Hudsonville packaging has been revamped. Creamery Blend Vanilla was the first flavor I noticed in the grocer’s freezer with the new look. I soon came to learn that this “new” vanilla is a classic Hudsonville flavor that has recently been reintroduced. Of course, I had to try it!

This got me to thinking: why not mix it up? My husband and I decided to host an ice cream party with our friends to create some fun, adults-only treats. Each person or couple was asked to come up with a recipe, using their own favorite Hudsonville Ice Cream flavor. We’d sample each boozy concoction, and vote on a winner! I stocked up on Creamery Blend Vanilla, and prepared for the fun!

What a great evening! The creativity was amazing and the competition was stiff! It was so hard to decide, that we finally declared two winners.

Drumroll, please!

Raspberry Beret

Two scoops of Hudsonville Creamery Blend Vanilla Ice Cream
1-2 ounces vanilla vodka
1-2 ounces raspberry liqueur
1 tablespoon frozen raspberries
fresh mint spring, for garnish

Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth, garnish with mint spring and a raspberry. Enjoy!

Sticky Whisky

Hudsonville Creamery Blend Vanilla Ice Cream or Hudsonville Seaside Caramel Ice Cream
Salted Caramel Whisky Butter Sauce
- 1 cup sugar
- 6 tablespoons water
- 4 tablespoons butter
- 1/4 c heavy cream
- 1/4 teaspoon sea salt
- 2 – 4 tablespoons whisky
- chocolate chips for garnish

Directions

Place sugar and water into a saucepan over medium low heat and occasionally stir the mixture until the sugar dissolves. {note: sugar crystals may form on the side of the pan, wipe them away with a pastry brush dipped in cold water}. Once sugar is completely dissolved, increase the heat to high.
Keep an eye on the caramel but do not over-mix! Instead, grab the handle of the pan and swirl the sugar water mixture occasionally.
The color will start to darken after about 5 minutes
When the mixture has reached a dark amber, stir in the butter and heavy cream
Note:: The mixture will bubble like crazy!
Whisk or stir to combine
Set aside to cool
After about 10 minutes, stir in the salt and whisky
Drizzle over ice cream & enjoy!
Top with chocolate chips for garnish
Extra sauce may be saved in a glass jar in the refrigerator for up to two weeks. Reheat using a water bath for best results.

If you’re looking for a fun evening with friends, try an adults-only Hudsonville Ice Cream party of your own! We’re not going to lie, our recipes are pretty fantastic and we’d love to hear your thoughts!

Comment below with a friend you’d share this boozy treat with, and let us know when you’re most likely to indulge in ice cream for your chance to win a Hudsonville Ice Cream prize package!

The winner will be selected at random, and will receive a shipment of Hudsonville Ice Cream, plus some amazing swag!

DMB partnered with the amazing Hudsonville Ice Cream team to bring our readers this post. All ice cream stories, opinions and recipes are our own!

Do You Remember Us? An Open Letter to the Woman He Left Us For

By

Detroit Mom

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February 19, 2018

To the woman he left us for:

Do you remember us? Do you remember me? My son? I bet you do. I bet you think of me, of us, as frequently as I think of you. Do you remember the MySpace message you sent me, telling me he would never pick us? To find someone else to love my baby, because he never will? I bet you do. I bet you remember.

Were you with him when he picked up his stuff off the front porch? You know, I was awake at 2AM when he came, a new mom attempting to soothe a newborn back to sleep.

I am assuming he lies to you about seeing his son and paying child support. I mean, how else could you, a mother, be okay with him not being a part of his son’s life? Does he tell you he sees him, or did he tell you that I won’t let him? I can imagine the stories he created, that he rehearsed the lines to, the lies he fed you with his pleading, big, brown eyes and long eyelashes, begging you to believe him, not wanting to be caught again.

I guess, I should be happy he picked you over us, a blessing disguised by pain and hurt. Because, girl, let me tell you: I did not and do not have the patience or the tolerance to put up with those mind games. I bet you have a higher tolerance for that nonsense than me. Sometimes, his presence seems like a dream, it seems like such a long time ago when he was here.

I have a question for you though. What do you think I should tell my son when he cries and asks about his dad? That he chose you over us? That he is a liar and cheat? Or when he asks about a sibling? I bite my tongue, knowing he really does have at least one half-brother. Will he ever get to meet his half sibling?

In my attempt, to be the better person I have told him his dad moved far away. That he is too far away, or that he just made a different choice. Which is kind of true, right? He chose to walk away, to pretend we don’t exist. That his child does not even exist.

Well, if you are reading this, you’ll know if it is you I am talking to. It is my turn to dish out the advice. Chances are, he is still lying to you. (I am sure you are familiar with the term, “once a cheater, always a cheater”?) You supporting a deadbeat dad makes you just as bad as him. No woman, should be okay with “her man” not taking care of his kids. For abandoning his child, in every sense of the word. Did you know that in the State of Michigan, he has officially abandoned his child? Do you care? More importantly, does he care? I know the answer.

Let me tell you one more thing. My son, is not lacking for a male role model. He has the biggest heart, caring beyond belief. He loves science, math, and annoying YouTube videos. He will be just fine with just me. He will know how to be a “good dad” and man, by all the ways his dad wasn’t.

Sincerely,

The Mom Who Won’t Forget

The Long and Whining Road {Survival Tips from our First Road Trip with Kids}

By

sarahblalock

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February 18, 2018

Parenting is definitely an endurance sport. There’s lots of running, jumping, bending, and plenty of sweat and tears. But never has it seemed like so much of a marathon as the time I spent 9 hours sitting in the front seat of our trusty ol’ minivan, barreling down the freeway toward Nashville.

You see, my husband and I had the bright idea to make the 9-hour drive down south to visit my family shortly after Christmas this year. When faced with the choice between herding our three sweet little wildebeests onto an airplane (and thus subjecting several dozen other unsuspecting people to their, uh, charms), or loading the entire family into our grocery-getter and making the long drive ourselves, we chose the latter.

Don’t get me wrong. My kids are mostly well-behaved in public, and they are downright sweethearts much of the time. But there’s some extra special crazysauce that arises in all of them when holidays are involved. Add to that a day of traveling, and I was sure that we were better off taking one for the team and making the long drive. Looking back now, I think we totally made the right decision. And since some of you may have a mid-winter or Spring break road trip planned in the near future, I’ve come up with my best tips for how to make that drive without losing your mind.

There’s a third kid hiding behind that tablet…

Load up the car the night before. I can’t emphasize enough how important this was for us. By getting everything into the car ahead of time, we weren’t running around at the last minute. It also helped us figure out how best to arrange everything in the car. You don’t want to be stuck flying down I-75 with a screaming child in the back without snacks within your reach. More on that later.
Leave EARLY. Like, really early. Like, so early it’s still dark out and the kids will be confused enough to sleep for the first few hours of the trip. Just pluck them out of bed in the dark and load them into those carseats in their PJs. Yes, I know that means you have to get up really early too, but that’s why God made coffee.
Pack snacks. ALL the snacks. Snacks for you, snacks for your partner, but most important, snacks for the kids. Sure, you can pack healthy snacks like carrots and celery or whatever, just make sure it’s something they like enough that it can stop a meltdown. You don’t want to be stuck in the middle of nowhere with no fruit snacks when little Johnny suddenly realizes he’s famished. Trust me. You don’t.
Stop before you think you need to. We messed this one up big time on the trip back home. Before we knew it, it was 1:30 and we hadn’t stopped for lunch yet – the kids are used to eating lunch at 11:30. Needless to say, it was a loud and angry drive to the next exit to find somewhere to eat. The same rule goes for bathroom breaks – As much as we wanted to drive through and just get to our destination, letting the kids out of the car for a quick bathroom trip every few hours was good for everyone’s sanity.
Start stretching at least a couple weeks in advance. Maybe even take up yoga. Seriously. At some point – or many points – your child is going to drop their doll/tablet/snack trap and it’s going to become their own personal equivalent of an emergency situation. Be prepared to twist your torso in ways you’ve never imagined and stretch your arms to lengths you thought impossible to reach their desired object and give it back. I was not prepared for this and I was sore for a week.

Really, this entire list could be summarized in two words: Plan ahead! With a little luck, and a lot of planning, you should be able to make that trip, no sweat.

So tell me, what’s your best advice for road-tripping with your kids?

Cutting the Shopping Cord

By

Meredith Weston-Backaitis

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February 16, 2018

Closeup of woman holding shopping bags with copy space

I distinctly remember one day in college receiving a letter from my dad. As I opened it, I saw a highlighted credit card statement and a message written across it in a red sharpie.

“There are NO money trees growing at 2591 Covington Place. Consider this your one and only warning.”

Oops. I may have taken advantage of my parents’ generosity with the credit card they let me have for necessities. At the time, I shrugged my shoulders and rolled my eyes. Why couldn’t my dad see that I NEEDED the new pair of shoes? And those spontaneous trips to Target? Yep, totally necessary. Looking back, I shudder in embarrassment. Wow! I was so immature.

Unfortunately, (no pun intended) many years later, I still have a problem with spending too much money. I’ll admit it. I love to shop. I love the feeling of getting something new in a shiny, pretty shopping bag. Or getting home after a long day to find an Amazon package on my front porch. Half the time, I don’t even know what awaits my eager eyes! It’s just so exciting! And I can’t NOT make a trip to my favorite when they’re thoughtful enough to send me e-mail an about the latest entire store 40% off sale!!! I would be a fool not to at least ‘eye shop’, right?

Six years ago, when I became a parent, I thought I was getting my act together. In some respects I have gotten better about my shopping habits. I often buy from mom to mom sales and have no problem with receiving hand-me-downs from gracious friends. But, in some cases, my spending has gotten so much worse. Even after three kids, I still fall for all of the (useless) baby gadgets and gear. I still think all of my kids need a new outfit for every special life event.

The worst offenders on my list?: Target and the grocery store. I am out of control.

I am embarrassed, to say the least, on how much money I spend on a daily basis. I don’t even shop organic! I always buy the store brands. Month after month, I look at our checking account statement and stand shocked. I desperately need a change! It is out of control.

I think a huge part of it is that I never had a structured budget. When I lived by alone, I never worried about money. I had to pay my rent, car payment and a few other bills. But after marriage and kids, the bills seems to pile up: diapers, formula, mortgage, preschool tuition, swim lessons. The list is endless.

A few weeks ago, I decided to overhaul my entire spending habit. My goal is to keep it simple and realistic, so that I can maintain it as a lifestyle change. Here are three things I’m trying to implement in my everyday life:

Meal Planning: This is HUGE for us. As a mother of three kids, our food budget is out of control. Right now, I go to the grocery store several times a week. At the end of the week, I cringe at the amount of wasted food! My hope is to make a weekly meal plan and do one big shopping trip (with a list) and one second (smaller) trip for milk, fruit and other things that need to be replenished.

No More Trips to Target: Cold turkey. I have to quit. Every single time, I go in there for two or three things I end up spending at least $100. Everything I need I can get at either the grocery or drug store. Target trips are a luxury that I need to cut out of my life.

Stop following all of my favorite stores on social media and unsubscribe to their e-mail lists: Gulp. I LOVE shopping for clothes and shoes. It just makes me happy. But, to be honest I really don’t need (there is that pesky word again) anything new.

Just writing these words down on paper is making me sweat. Am I really going to be able to hold myself accountable? I know this isn’t forever. It’s going to be a change, and change is good, right?

UPDATE: Two weeks into this new habit, I can report that I am successful in some parts and unsuccessful in others. I have done a great job with meal planning! I find planning out four meals a week and having one day for leftovers or ordering in has worked well. I purposely make a double batch of something so we can eat it the next day. And I find keeping meals simple most days are the way to go. I’ve noticed my grocery bill go down by at least $60 per week, just by sticking to my list.

My Target moratorium has been less successful. It’s just so darn convenient!! I am really trying to limit my trips and avoiding the home good, clothes and dollar spot areas.

What are your tips for cutting the shopping cord??

Not Your Mama’s Milestones

By

Christina

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February 15, 2018

Would you believe my favorite pages in my daughters’ baby books are where their milestones are documented? The First smile. Her First laugh. The First steps. Her First word. Yeah, I wouldn’t either. To be clear, these are entered into record months after I have gone back through my phone to figure out exactly when they happened. But, they are documented nonetheless. In speaking to other parents, I know about an entire set of milestones that aren’t captured in any books. These moments are decidedly not sentimental. They are sometimes disgusting, sometimes embarrassing and usually funny (in hindsight) moments. And almost a rite of passage for parents past, present and future. Most importantly when these milestones occur, it’s a testament that you are truly winning at parenting. These are not your mama’s milestones.

The first time you get pooped on. This is different than getting poop on you or even successfully changing an up-the-back blowout in the backseat of the car. I am talking about when you are mid-diaper change, and the Play Doh Fun Factory kicks into high gear, launching baby poop at you with no warning and no protection. When I brought my first daughter home from the hospital, the nurse said that we needed to go back to the doctor if she didn’t poop within 24 hours. Cue ‘First Time Mom Panic.’ Approximately 23 hours and 30 minutes later, I was checking her diaper when BAM! Poop. Poop. Everywhere. Poop. Poop. Including an unnecessary amount on my person. I threw everything away. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t also consider selling my baby to the gypsies.

The first midnight build on Christmas. I have heard legend of the time that my parents built a Barbie apartment building in the dark of night with no power tools, while four little girls slumbered just feet above them upstairs. I shared a similar experience this past Christmas when we got our youngest girls an outdoor playhouse from Santa. Too big to hide anywhere in a fully assembled state, we had no choice but to attempt to build it overnight, while four girls slumbered just feet above us. Cue the wine and the Philips head screwdriver. Several swear words later, we were in business. Some of the stickers aren’t exactly straight, but we made it without waking anyone up.

Not Your Mama's Milestones — Before and after. Please note the glass of wine and the small “after” photo – can’t see those stickers can you?

The first costume scramble. It could be the result of a kid who couldn’t decide on a Halloween costume until October 29. Maybe they told you, and you forgot to order it. Heck, it doesn’t even need to be Halloween-related. How many parents have found out about some school play or presentation that required costumery with the following: “Oh and I need to dress like George Washington when he crossed the Delaware for my President’s Day pageant tomorrow?” For all the moms and dads out there who have pulled off a costume miracle with nary but a glue gun and a prayer, I see you.

The first time you clean up puke while puking. I’ll be honest; this one isn’t mine. I know my limits, and I am not sure I would survive this feat of parenting. This milestone comes courtesy of my partner, Rob. His oldest was patient zero for rotavirus when she was little, and she took the whole house down with her. Rob’s description of what ensued is a literal nightmare to me, but suffice to say he cleaned up puke while puking and is thus a parent hero. (I did recently catch my youngest daughter’s barf in my bare hand while we were eating at a restaurant. I felt like a hero at the time, as is evidenced by my Facebook post immediately after.)

The first swear word. I swear like a sailor. And I didn’t think anyone was listening until my daughter dropped something, and her tiny little two-year old voice piped up with a “dammit.” Props to her for using it correctly, but not my finest parenting moment. I made the mistake of telling her that we don’t say that word. Of course, that led to her marching around the house saying it over and over while Rob laughed.

We experience so many milestones like these as parents, and we live to tell the tale, albeit sheepishly. They are veritable rites of passage as parents. Maybe it’s the first time the baby rolled off the bed or the first epic meltdown in the line at the grocery store. Whatever it was, you won at parenting that day. This one’s for you.

Not Your Mama’s Milestones

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