Authentic Changes: creating my own truth and moments of happiness

By

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January 22, 2018

Authenticity is a popular theme that resonates in every encouraging, self empowering, and mommy motivating key word of 2017. Be authentic, live authentic, give authentically. I am officially stepping into my truth of juggling multi-generational hats and recognizing that authenticity is subjective, depending on the current chaos of my mommy moment in time.

I strive to maintain a level of approachability, reliability, and understanding no matter the current season of my life. The holiday season at times pushed this concept to the test; with so much to do in what felt like so little time its no wonder there is a unprecedented amount of pressure. This past year, the pressure felt different. A bit more intense than previous years.

It is my favorite time of year, but celebrating the holidays sandwiched in between two different generations in my mid thirties had challenges that I rarely hear anyone talking about. So in my pursuit of remaining authentic stepping into 2018 I have to share that “this is hard y’all.” This year I felt a shift in my heart to not focus on material gifts and instead embracing really being able to plant a different type of holiday seed in my 5 year old son while also acknowledging my parents and extended family members aging should not to be taken for granted. It is a nostalgic post-holiday season knowing the true gift that I want more of is time.

Adulting is hard and as I grow into my authentic self I realize I care more about playing games as a family and hearing laughter than a new found resolution I post on New Years Day. I’ve created an appreciation for a minimalist lifestyle, I donated more items this year than I have most of my adult life, and feel proud of myself stepping into a new year saying I am over being cliche. I am officially done with the urgency of creating New Year resolutions and the same cycle with a different routine that we put ourselves through year after year.

I reached a point where a light switched and I unapologetically gave myself permission to get off the “insanity” wheel of doing the same thing year to year in the name sake of tradition. The reality of having a small child and parents in their 60’s and 70’s made it clear to me that I have put so much pressure on aesthetics.

I, like most parents, love to offer my son a surprise to see that smile on his face. He often is more excited to rip the wrapping paper off than he is for the actual gift inside. As adults, how often do we give ourselves permission to rip anything? I know adults to this day who fear ripping wrapping paper when presented with a gift because it’s decorated beautifully.

For me it’s time to rip open, no matter how pretty the outside is packaged, what I really want and to get behind the wrapper to my true gifts inside. I have to ask myself at times, “have I lost the art of letting go and just enjoying simple moments without itineraries, agendas, or pre-planned menus?” I want my son to understand that the traditions we share, at their core, are based on just being present, not unwrapping a present. I want to over emphasize the importance in the presence of family, and trying out activities we rarely if ever have done collectively for the simple sake of memories.

I count my blessings overtime when a friend shares their devastation of learning brand new diagnosis of a sickness their parents are facing. I am so blessed that I have not had the cancer scare, or worse the major moment where one or both of my parents health turns for the worse and my responsibility shifts from taking care of my just a toddler to taking care of a child and parent. I recognize that day may come and although I will never 100% be fully prepared I have to say there are moments where I am scared. Not an outright fear of life cycles, but more so a perspective that I have an opportunity to be as proactive as humanly possible and choose to disregard the tug on my heart to make changes today.

More than I fear those shifts of life, I fear not truly embracing the gift that I, in continuing to encourage and create holistic healthy lifestyle choices, can give my family. So for 2018 I’m taking a cooking day off and I say instead of traditional soul food we are having Chinese food. No stress just new memories.

I am embracing that I can rip open my gift or gently unwrap it, whatever I choose. I choose to not start a new health kick this month with a resolution to create new habits. I started training my taste buds and cleaning my diet back in November 2017 because I want real authentic changes that are not based on anyone else’s timeline but my own. This line of being leaves me encouraged. I know in laying the blocks the right way I will repair a cracked foundation in my health and happiness.

Setting intentions of creating a healthy balance defined by me, myself, and I gives me the moments of balance I need in small ways. The life lesson that my son has already taught me is to take time to fall back in love with the little things and to not delay wanting to create new untraditional memories. The present of their presence that my parents have given me reminds me to not take these opportunities and moments in time for granted. I am assured that I do not need permission or any pressure to go after the type of life I want or to create the type of memories I truly desire.

I just need to embrace this middle road I’m walking in this moment as a mom in her mid 30’s toeing the line between child like cares and seasoned solutions to authentically create my own truth and moments of happiness.

Travel with Toddlers? No Thank you!

By

Meredith Weston-Backaitis

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January 21, 2018

I love to travel. It can be a weekend road trip or an elaborate two week vacation planned months in advance. The anticipation, the excitement and time away is a total escape from everyday reality. Relaxing with my husband or having an exciting girls’ weekend away is always up my alley.

What I do not love is packing everything in the house, including, but not exclusive to: sippy cups, diapers, travel kids’ potties, toys, burp cloths and everything else under the sun that my kids need the moment we step out of the house.

Point blank, I don’t enjoy traveling with my kids. I don’t want to take a winter family getaway to Florida or Mexico. I don’t want to go wine tasting with my kids in Northern Michigan. I would rather eat dead flies than fly to Europe with them. I love my kids, I promise. But, I refuse to spend hundreds (or thousands) of dollars to do exactly what I would be doing at home, but in a different (and probably prettier) setting.

The exact opposite of fun is taking an airplane trip with a five-year-old, a two-year-old and a seven-month-old to go to a tropical paradise where I am a hostage to nap schedules and early wake ups before an, albeit beautiful sunrise. On vacation, I want to do several things. Go visit cultural and historical landmarks of the area, eat local food, and peruse the local shops. Most of these things are difficult to enjoy with my little angels.

Full disclosure, I HAVE taken my kids out of the house on occasion. Even on a trip on an airplane. When we had one child, we took him to Florida with Nana and Papa. It was DOABLE. Did I have fun? Yup. Mostly because we had my mom and dad to help. And we even enjoyed some time alone! But do I plan on doing this again this spring? Nope!

I often see wonderful pictures on Facebook of my friends traveling to Europe and the tropics. They all seem to be smiling and happy, but I bet behind the scenes, they are exhausted. Maybe they are better parents than I am. And I’m not saying that with any sarcasm. I may even be a little bit envious of them. It’s not that my kids are bad. Yes, they have their moments. But they are just so little.

Call me selfish, because let’s face it . . . I am being selfish. I want my kids to have wonderful experiences. But, let me tell you a little secret. My two-year-old and seven-month-old are not going to remember ANYTHING. All they need for a good time is a paper towel roll, an unlimited supply of goldfish and someone to change their diapers.

My five-year-old is where it gets a little tricky. I want him to experience new places and things. So we do the best we can until we can all enjoy a vacation as a family.

I will travel if several of my stipulations can be met:

We need at least a two bedroom suite (condo, hotel room, ect) and this is a total bonus, our dwelling is waterfront.
We all have to have a comfortable seat in our mode of transportation (meaning no lap sitting babies on planes).
Also, this trip can’t cost us more then a mortgage payment.

Lucky for my family, I am a planner and can check off all of these requirements for a whole week away next summer at a lakehouse that is only a few hours away. Although I’m not going to be basking under tropical palm trees with a margarita in hand, at least I’ll be able to do the dishes with a nice view. I’ll report back on how it goes.

Do I want to explore the Louvre in Paris or wade in tropical waters in Mexico? Of course I do! But for our family it will just have to wait a few more years until we can ALL enjoy it.

Ditching the Diet Resolutions

By

sarahblalock

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January 18, 2018

Every year, as December comes to a close and January nears, our collective thoughts turn to new beginnings, resolutions and often, self-improvement. And for so many people, that means making a New Year’s resolution to lose weight. For as long as I can recall, my yearly resolutions have been just that.

For weeks now, gyms and health clubs have been advertising membership specials. Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers ads are everywhere. And you probably know at least one diet and fitness “coach” who is starting up a workout challenge this month. And while I firmly believe that health and physical fitness is an honorable (and important!) goal, it’s never really been about that for me. Sure, I’ve made goals in years past to “get to the gym more often” or to finish a “workout challenge.” But the end goal is always the same: Become thinner, leaner, smaller.

Something about this hyper-focus on weight loss just doesn’t sit well with me these days, and I blame that change on the fact that I have three little sets of ears and eyes always paying attention to me and learning from example. My children are all still young – my son is 5 and my daughters are 2. But I’m already starting to see the ways that societal norms and pressures can sneak into their little minds. There is, and has long been, a pervasive pressure on young people – particularly girls – to look a certain way in order to be deemed “acceptable” or to “fit in.”

When I think back to my childhood, I know this is nothing new. I can remember looking through teen magazines and wishing that I was as tall and thin as the beautiful girls pictured in the pages. Never a very slender person, I went through what some would describe as an awkward phase as a girl. I was overweight, with thick glasses and mousy brown hair, and I was vividly aware of all the ways in which I believed my outward appearance to be lacking. I still vividly recall the first time a classmate made a nasty comment about my weight.

Thankfully, as I grew older I gained confidence, and learned to surround myself with better friends. But even with that awkward phase behind me, those feelings of inadequacy were hard to shake. And although I like to think I’ve shed most of my hang-ups and become a much more confident person overall, it’s painful to remember how I felt back then. It’s painful to think about how much time I wasted worrying about something that had so little to do with my worth as a human being. And this is something I do not want for my children. Tall or short, slim or not, I don’t ever want them to tie their sense of worth to a number on the scale or a size off the rack. They are so much more than that. We are all so much more than that.

So this year, I’m ditching the weight loss resolutions for good. This year, I’m resolving instead to spend more time outside, to breathe more fresh air and soak up more sunshine. I’m resolving to be kinder to others, and to myself. And most importantly, I’m resolving to teach my children that the most fulfilling things in life stem not from the size or shape of your body but from the goodness and love in your heart.

This Year I Take My Schedule Back: My Year to Smell the Roses

By

Jesi FG

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January 17, 2018

I have always loved to be involved. Whether it was in school, after school, or in my circle of friends, I needed to be in the thick of it. And don’t get me started on events and parties. I do my best to make it to everything we are invited to (flash back to summer 2016 where we attended EIGHT weddings!).

With working full-time in a job that requires a lot of travel, being so heavily involved requires a lot of strategic, color-coded planning. Usually Sunday nights require a full rundown with my husband to talk about where we will be each day of the week, sometimes even triple booking our days to make the most of every minute.

Being so jam-packed sounds great in theory, but I have noticed we come out of the weekend with a sort of “life-hangover” trying to rush through so much. My poor son always struggles on Monday mornings going back to his school routine, and we go back to work more tired than when we started the weekend.

Last Sunday, our family had a rare and magical day: we didn’t go anywhere. No commitments, just jammies, snuggles and baking treats. As we tucked our little man into bed that night, it hit me: This is the year I take my schedule back. This is my year I slow down. This is my year to smell the roses.

Then reality set in and I thought, how in the world will I do that? So I am starting with the basics . . .

No thanks. Loving to be involved has gotten me into a ton of extracurricular activities, add that on to being a mom, and working full-time and *poof* there goes any free time I may have had. As much as I want to be at everything and support everyone, I have to take some time back for myself and my family. This is the year I learn to say no thank you.

Getting over FOMO: I am guilty of scrolling through social media and getting bummed seeing photos from events I didn’t attend. This year, I am getting over my FOMO (fear of missing out) when I don’t attend something. I love my friends, but its alright to not be in a super cute Instgram photo or on someone’s Snap Story to have more time with my family.

Making the most out of limited weeknights. Between work, school and bedtime, I only have about two hours with my son on the weekdays. Since that time is so short, I want to make sure we make the most of it. No more TV, just time cooking, conversation over dinner, and reading and snuggles at bedtime. Once he is off to bed, my plan is to knock out a household chore so that time won’t take away from him.

Living in the moment. I love photos and videos, who doesn’t? It’s so easy to get caught up in technology and social media. This year I commit to living in the present, enjoying what we are doing while we are doing it, and not worrying if I have the perfect photo of each moment.

Being OK with no plan at all. Being very Type A, I generally even plan our downtime out. This year, I am going to work on feeling OK about days with no schedule, and allowing casual family days to just happen. Maybe we sleep in, maybe we only venture out to have lunch, whatever we do, we are doing it to together and on our timetable.

Allowing for “me time.” I am most guilty of never giving time for myself. I will plan a manicure, and within a few moments of mental guilt of taking time away from my family, quickly change my mind. This year, I will make time for me. It doesn’t have to be big, maybe its solo lunch with a friend, or an hour reading a book in a coffee shop, just something that is only for me.

These are my commitments to myself and my family to take back my schedule. Are you an over-scheduled family? How are you taking back your schedule this year?

I’m Tired of Being an Angry Mom: Six Steps to Change

By

Danielle S

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January 16, 2018

Since having kids something has changed in me. And it’s not good. While I know that parenthood is no walk in the park, I never expected my temper to take such a big hit. It’s hard to admit, but more days than not I let my anger get the best of me. I get angry quickly, and I become easily frustrated. I end up snapping at my kids (ages 2 and 4), or try everything in my might not to just scream (or swear). As a former preschool and elementary school teacher (and someone with a masters in early childhood education) you would think it wouldn’t be so hard. But, oh, I was wrong. So very, very, wrong.

I love my girls dearly, but all the fighting and whining is enough to make my head spin. The fighting starts, and it’s like I turn into the Hulk. All I see is red, and I can’t formulate a coherent thought. Once again, I know everything isn’t roses and rainbows, but I realize it’s something I need to work on. My oldest is starting to pick up on when I’m frustrated and gives me a hug (with an “I love you”), or ask “are you frustrated mommy? Why?” That friends, is like a dagger in me. I don’t want my girls to look back at their childhood and remember mom as constantly angry. Something has got to change.

As the saying goes, the first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one. So here it is. I’m an angry mom. While I understand anger isn’t something you can turn on and off with the flip of a switch, I know I can make changes to help me be more positive. Next month I will check back in to let you now how everything went!

One: Recite a mantra every morning (or when I feel close to losing it).

Full disclosure, I’ve never been one to meditate or recite mantras. I’m not really a sit in silence type of person, so it never appealed to me. However, I now understand that saying a mantra doesn’t mean you have to meditate. It can simply be a way to help you pause and better control how you respond to situations. My goal is to say this to myself in the morning, and whenever I feel my blood starting to boil.

“Breathe. I am a loving parent and can handle this in a calm manner”.

Two: Drink more water and eat healthy snacks

I get hangry. I know it, my husband knows it, even my in-laws know it. Why then, do I let myself go so long without eating? It does no one any good. When my girls have their snack, I too will have a snack. Staying hydrated will also be important. When I taught I did a stellar job of drinking water. I mean I would refill my Nalgene bottle 4-5 times a day. Now I’m lucky if I remember to drink 4-5 glasses of water. My goal? Drink at least eight glasses of water a day.

Three: Get some me time in

I am fortunate to live near my parents and my MIL, and they are incredibly helpful. They are always willing to babysit, or come with to long doctor appointments so I have company. Two times a month I will ask them to watch the girls so I can have some me time. Whether I go walk around Target sans kids, or have time to focus on a sewing project at home, it would be my time. It doesn’t even have to be all day, just a few hours can work wonders. I know that not everyone has family close by, but friends can work too. Take turns babysitting each other’s children so that one parent can have some alone time.

Four: Keep things clean

When my house becomes overly messy I get anxious. When I’m anxious I am much more likely to get frustrated and snap at my kids. Now, I don’t mean that my house needs to be in tip-top shape, but I’d like to believe that keeping it tidy will help my anger. This means staying on top of my kids cleaning up their mess. Doing the dishes right away rather than letting them pile up in the sink.

This one is hard, since as a blogger I rely on social media to reach my followers (and gain more followers). I also love that it is a way to stay connected to friends who live far away. However, I know that I’m not the only one who gets lost in scrolling through Facebook or Instagram. There has to be a healthy balance, and I have yet to find that. One thing I have already done is turn the social media notifications off on my phone. I am planning on limiting my reading of social media to during quiet time, before the kids wake up, or after they go to bed. I will still allow myself to post randomly throughout the day, but the scrolling will have to wait until later.

Six: More play dates

Play dates aren’t just for kids, they are super beneficial to parents too. Having adult interaction during the day can work wonders for your soul. I used to go to so many play dates when it was just one child, but the second one came, and life got busy and play dates slowly decreased. These play dates don’t have to be fancy. Simply invite friends over (or go to someone else’s house), let the kids play while you bond over mimosas, wine, beer, coffee.

So there you have it. The six changes I plan to make to be a less angry mom. My girls deserve it.

What about you? How do you stay calm as a parent?

S.A.D.? Yes – It’s a Real Thing

By

dianaabdallah

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January 15, 2018

Seasonal Affective Disorder. Yes, it’s a real thing.

The holidays are over, the chaos is down to simmer, but I feel funky. The days are dragging and all I want to do is lounge around in my Victoria Secret Pink hoodie and joggers. There certainly isn’t enough coffee in the world that could salvage my mood. Its dark outside, so that means its bedtime, but wait, its only 5pm and I just got home from getting my son from daycare. However, I still have to cook dinner, do the dishes, bath time, read bedtime books, and then it’s Vinny’s bedtime. After all that, I still have adulting to do: laundry, write my blog post, read books for book club, clean the house, mop the floors, and maybe get some in some Netflix time. Gosh, I wish I could just sit outside and grill dinner while Vinny burns energy running in the yard, but nope, its dark and cold!

One day last winter, I went to see my therapist and she finally said, “Diana, I believe you have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) because last year and this year your mood has been identical.” I remember seeing commercials for this and thought it was just another pharmaceutical gimmick. I can’t believe I actually have this disorder. I legit got in my car and sobbed. I couldn’t believe that I have another issue to add to my long list, however, it makes complete sense. Once I got home I hit up Dr. Google and Wikipedia to research this SAD diagnosis. My moods seem to be the same listed on the pages and pages of explanations. Some of the mood changes can be sluggish, fatigue, decreased energy, mood swings, anxiety, irritability, and appetite changes. Another name for SAD is “The Winter Blues” because it coincides with the seasons changing from spring and summer to fall and winter, aka the sunlight decreases.

There is some belief that it is just a mood change, however, this isn’t accurate and the only way to truly know is to see your doctor or ask your therapist.

This year I have paid close attention to the way my personal mood was when we had the recent time change. Here are a few ideas that help reduce the symptoms of SAD:

Open the blinds and let the sunshine in your home. Yes, its cold as heck out but letting the sunshine in the home will make you feel better.
Make time for yourself. Yes, being selfish is hard sometimes, but it helps to keep your mood high. Go out with your girlfriends or go on a date. Go get a manicure or get your hair done. Anything that makes you feel good.
Purchase a light box. It has great research showing that sitting in front of a light within an hour of waking helps relieve SAD symptoms.
Work out. It has been proven time and time again that physical activity is a mood enhancer and stress reducer.
Pay attention to your food intake. I hate “diets” and I love carbs, but I am focusing more on my fruits and vegetables. I know overdoing the junk will just make my SAD worse.

If you know have SAD, what are you doing to help yourself during the winter months? Do you feel that you need to make some adjustments to keep your SAD at bay?

My Struggle to Teach Acceptance

By

Amy W.

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January 14, 2018

I am a white woman, with a white husband, living in a predominately white neighborhood. I grew up in a city that others referred to as “Sterling Whites.” I’m proud of where I grew up, but as the nickname indicates, it was pretty lacking in diversity at the time. I always believed that all people are equal, and to be honest, discrimination didn’t seem real to me because I never saw it. Everyone was the same, so nobody was discriminated against. I didn’t think much of it until I attended school at a large university in New York and saw true diversity; I learned so much in such a short period of time. The only thing I regret is that it took me until my twenties to obtain that knowledge.

My family lives in a different suburb than where I grew up, and it is more diverse than I ever remember my neighborhood to be. At the same time I know it isn’t diverse enough. My children need to know that being different from us is ok, and that no matter what, we are all people. But they also need to know that the road that many others travel isn’t as easy as theirs, and that they need to work to make that better.

So how do I expose my kids to diversity – in an organic and natural way? How do I make them understand what discrimination is and why it is so horrifying? What can I do to teach them that we can’t be color blind or religion blind or custom blind, but that we must embrace and learn and respect those that are different from us?

Like any good mother, when I didn’t know what to do, I went to the internet. I read many articles and studies on the topic. The data is pretty clear: tolerance and acceptance must be taught, it begins at home and it is never too early to start. Parents need to talk about differences with their kids and let them know that being different races or religions or different anything is ok. All of the articles I read indicated that while talking about differences is a good start, it isn’t enough. Much like everything else parents must teach, children have to see you exhibit openness to all and acceptance of diversity. Then parents have to allow children the opportunity to do so themselves.

I thought talking to my kids about people of other races and religions would be easy. Boy was I wrong. It was uncomfortable and awkward and overdue. Both boys were shocked that a belief or physical appearance could affect how people are treated. I told them slavery was so bad that we had a war over it. I explained that at one time, women couldn’t drive or vote, so if we had lived a long time ago, I couldn’t take them to school. I relayed the bravery of Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. I pointed out how some of their friends are physically different than them, but that they like the same things and have fun together.

I felt like I had no business telling my kids about discrimination or how it hurts. As I spoke, it seemed that my simple words could never accurately depict the disgusting repugnance that is discrimination. But I pressed on. I forced the discussion; I gave relatable hypotheticals and age appropriate truths. I told them that discrimination could mean they had to sit at a different table at lunch because they had brown eyes. Or that someone might not want them on their team because we believe in God.

I answered their questions honestly and I promised them that I would never get mad at them for asking a question about differences between people, if they asked in a respectful way. But I knew that one discussion wasn’t enough; it had to be ongoing. So it continues, a little more honesty and a little less awkward each time.

According to my research, the next step is to exhibit acceptance and allow them the opportunity to do the same. This is even more difficult and quite frankly, I am at a loss. A few of their neighborhood friends are minorities, but that certainly isn’t enough. We visit urban areas and other immigrant heavy cities, but is that enough? I make it a point to check out children’s books where the main characters are different from us. I don’t know what else I can do. I can visit more places and do more things, but is that enough? Is there ever enough?

At times, the burden of what I want them to learn is overwhelming. I have to remind myself that I am doing the best I can and that it took me decades to learn what I want my six year old to know. But if I’m being honest with myself, I can do more.

Have We Reached the Perfect Age?

By

Lacey Salerno

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January 11, 2018

We all have that one older relative who says, “savor every minute because it goes so fast.” If you are like me, you may have wanted to offer up your brood to this relative for an extended weekend so they could get a healthy dose reality since they have obviously forgotten. I am right there in the trenches with you: two young kids, full time job, house to manage, a life too busy to really “savor.” Then recently I read an article about the “golden age of parenting”.

I thought, um . . . does such an age exist? Being the curious sort, I read on and it described this magical golden age as the years between when all of your kids have exited diapers, and before they are dating or driving. I stopped to think for a moment, is this it? My youngest is about to turn 3, and has been potty trained for some time. My oldest is 6, and pretty self sufficient. Am I actually in this magical “Golden Age” where parenting is FINALLY getting easier?

Okay, let’s review:

• Do I need a diaper bag to leave the house? No
• Can we eat in a restaurant (without being asked to leave)? Yes
• Am I concerned about them ingesting poison? No
• Are they likely to jump out of a moving vehicle? No
• Can they manage basic life skills solo? Yes
• Do I have to stress about hormones and mood swings? No
• Do I have to stress about vehicular issues? No
• Do I have to manage a curfew? No
• Are they fairly rational and coherent? Most of the time

Yep, seems to check out.

I have to admit, life has gotten markedly easier in the last few months or so. We can actually leave the house on time. They can put on their shoes, buckle their seat belts, manage their bathroom habits, get themselves a snack, wash themselves in the shower, and get themselves dressed. I can host a party at my house without needing to be on top of two kid’s whereabouts every second. I can decorate for the holidays without worrying that everything will get broken. They aren’t really moody or sassy, and haven’t yet developed their eye rolling skills.

Do we still have meltdowns to navigate? Sure, but less frequently. Am I still responsible for 90% of their daily needs? Absolutely, but I do get to shower and sleep now and then, which is awesome!

What I am realizing even more is that they are finally fun! All of those things I have been doing for the last 6 years hoping that they were having a good time, while secretly dreading every second of, are now actually something my husband and I look forward to (no one actually likes pumpkin picking, parade watching, or Christmas light viewing with two screaming toddlers in tow). My little ones are truly enjoying things that we have been putting so much effort into doing for years, and making all the hassle worth it. The best part is that their little personalities are really emerging, and we love the little people they are becoming.

That’s not to say that we don’t have our trying days, but for the most part I think we have turned the corner into the easier years with our kids before all the high school angst and chaos begins. While I thoroughly enjoyed the baby days and toddler years, where we are at right now really is the good stuff. Magic is real, nothing is impossible, everything is new to them, and the difficult realities of life haven’t’ made them jaded. I am so glad that I was able to recognize it before I missed it because this just might be the perfect age!

To My Firstborn, I See You

By

daniellealexander

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January 10, 2018

As I waited for the Pitocin to kick in, countless thoughts raced through my head: how long will labor be this time around? How badly will it hurt? Will he be a good sleeper? Am I a horrible mom for not even attempting nursing this time around?

What didn’t even COME to mind was the fact that in less than two days, I would not be me, you would not be you, and– most importantly– we would no longer be just us.

To my firstborn,

I see you.

Acknowledging how inseparable you and I have been these last 2.5 years, my goal upon leaving the hospital was to focus my attention on you since, as long as his basic needs are met, your brother can’t recognize the difference yet.

But it has been HARD. As much as I wanted everything to be “normal” for you when we came home, life, as I know you’ve noticed, could not be anymore different.

“Mama, please take me potty!” “I can’t lift you right now, Bud.”

“Mama, take shower with me!” “I wish, but I still have owies from the hospital, Baby Girl.”

“Mama, hold me.” “I can’t hold you and the baby at the same time, Sweetie.”

You say nothing, but your little face says it all. Especially on the days where I only get a couple hours of sleep the night before, and, like you’ve witnessed, I become a monster.

“Can you please stop dropping your Cheddar Bunnies all over the place?” “I’m sorry, Mama. Want you happy again, OK?”

“Why do you ALWAYS need to use the bathroom when I’m feeding your brother?” “I have to go pee-pee and not want accident on floor. Not want you have to clean it up, Mama.”

“Honey, I don’t have time to read you a book right now. Your brother is crying, and I need to get dinner going.” “But Mama, just one book in big-girl bed with me. Please, Mama? Don’t you love special book time with me, Mama?”

Man, I miss you.

As much as I’d love to squeeze and snuggle you when you come into our room at 11 p.m., 3 a.m., and 5:30 a.m., I sleep better knowing you’re sleeping.

Even though it pains me to watch you gravitate more toward Daddy lately, I feel content knowing that he is able to give you the love and attention you deserve right now.

Regardless of the fact that we currently get only a couple hours alone each week, those 120 minutes full of chats, hugs, and giggles recharge me for whatever the week ahead brings.

I am SO incredibly proud of you.

Between big-girl beds, big-girl panties, and big-girl school, I don’t know how you’ve managed to also become such an amazing big sister.

Ever since we have become a family of four, you have done everything you possibly can to help your brother and me. Please know, that no matter how overwhelmed I am and how unresponsive I may presently seem, your shoes on, toys put away, and hands washed without me asking has not gone unnoticed.

I will never, EVER stop loving you.

Hoping to return to a similar version of the “old-me” soon,

Mama

Life Without “Dr. Google”

By

JeeYoung W.

-

January 9, 2018

When my oldest son was 7 months old, he had his first head collision against his bookshelf. Call the doctor! Let’s go the ER! I was overwhelmed with the fury of a thousand suns, as I wiped his bleeding gums. Is that normal? Look it up on Google! When will the bleeding stop? Look it up on Google!

Shocked? Dazed? Confused?

I get you mama. I am right there with you. Reading the latest new trend in parenting, what {not} to do and forever Googling every random symptom or mark that shows up on any of my boys throughout the happy chaos that is our daily life.

After my due diligence on Dr.Google, I rest assured that he was okay. While I was proud of myself for not racing over to the ER, I felt an overwhelming need to take away his pain. The anguish you feel as a parent when you see your child hurt is indescribable and at most times, unbearable. And maybe that’s the reprieve that Dr.Google provides me. The resolution of that feeling of helplessness through searching for answers, albeit inconclusive or wrong answers at times.

I guess I’m a true millennial in the sense that I literally swear my life on all things Google. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I think it’s become more of the latter as I get further into my motherhood journey.

You see, my husband who is only two years older, and technically also in the same generation of millennial parents, is the complete opposite of me when it comes to most things related to technology and the online world. He’s not really into social media, he doesn’t read or Google every topic. Outside of his work, he uses the internet minimally to read his online newspaper and stay up-to-date on the financial markets.

I know, I know, it doesn’t make sense since I’m all over the WWW and everything associated with it as part of my day job, and as a blogger. What can I say? I love all things associated with the digital world. I love the information that is out there at a moment’s notice. I love the relationships and communities I’ve cultivated with moms and dads from all over the country and world. There’s so many wonderful aspects to the digital world we live in today.

But, when it comes to daily parenting, I have come to the realization that my husband may be onto something major: Dr. Google isn’t always best.

When we come across something with our boys, he likes to ask other parents in his surroundings. Whether it’s our own parents, my mother-in-law who is a retired nurse, some of our best friends, and also coworkers who are in the thick of this parenting little ones phase of life. He likes to talk through our options and rely on each other’s opinions and instincts to make a decision together. Sure, when one of our kids wakes up in the middle of night with a random rash we’ve never seen before, he’ll randomly consult Dr. Google to see what he can come up with as a diagnosis. But, for the most part, that’s it.

I, on the other hand, find myself over informed with the latest new study on children. The littlest mark on my baby’s skin launches my deep search into the interwebs, resulting in every single, medical diagnosis possible short of cancer {and sometimes, even that too.} I’ll read a random article as I peruse my Facebook feed and find myself down a rabbit hole of this side or that side of the mommy wars. I start rambling off to my husband about how we need to do this or that because if we don’t, it’ll be a detriment to our children. When I ask him for an opinion, I often find myself leading with, ‘hey so I read this today online….”

It’s so great that we live in the informational age of quick, easy access to millions of websites, studies, and articles. But, I think it may serve some of us well to step back a bit. To trust our natural, parenting instincts, to consult medically trained pediatricians who care for our children, and to converse with our partner on parenting decisions that affect our children directly.

The freedom that this gives my hyperactive mama brain is reason enough that I’ve put pause on Googling ALLTHETHINGS for the time being. I’m glad that Google is always there, whenever I need it to provide a response to a random mom question that pops up in my continuous train of thought. But, for now, I’m trying to live life without Dr. Google. And no lie, I’m breathing a little bit better and more freely already.