This Year I Take My Schedule Back: My Year to Smell the Roses

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January 17, 2018

I have always loved to be involved. Whether it was in school, after school, or in my circle of friends, I needed to be in the thick of it. And don’t get me started on events and parties. I do my best to make it to everything we are invited to (flash back to summer 2016 where we attended EIGHT weddings!).

With working full-time in a job that requires a lot of travel, being so heavily involved requires a lot of strategic, color-coded planning. Usually Sunday nights require a full rundown with my husband to talk about where we will be each day of the week, sometimes even triple booking our days to make the most of every minute.

Being so jam-packed sounds great in theory, but I have noticed we come out of the weekend with a sort of “life-hangover” trying to rush through so much. My poor son always struggles on Monday mornings going back to his school routine, and we go back to work more tired than when we started the weekend.

Last Sunday, our family had a rare and magical day: we didn’t go anywhere. No commitments, just jammies, snuggles and baking treats. As we tucked our little man into bed that night, it hit me: This is the year I take my schedule back. This is my year I slow down. This is my year to smell the roses.

Then reality set in and I thought, how in the world will I do that? So I am starting with the basics . . .

No thanks. Loving to be involved has gotten me into a ton of extracurricular activities, add that on to being a mom, and working full-time and *poof* there goes any free time I may have had. As much as I want to be at everything and support everyone, I have to take some time back for myself and my family. This is the year I learn to say no thank you.

Getting over FOMO: I am guilty of scrolling through social media and getting bummed seeing photos from events I didn’t attend. This year, I am getting over my FOMO (fear of missing out) when I don’t attend something. I love my friends, but its alright to not be in a super cute Instgram photo or on someone’s Snap Story to have more time with my family.

Making the most out of limited weeknights. Between work, school and bedtime, I only have about two hours with my son on the weekdays. Since that time is so short, I want to make sure we make the most of it. No more TV, just time cooking, conversation over dinner, and reading and snuggles at bedtime. Once he is off to bed, my plan is to knock out a household chore so that time won’t take away from him.

Living in the moment. I love photos and videos, who doesn’t? It’s so easy to get caught up in technology and social media. This year I commit to living in the present, enjoying what we are doing while we are doing it, and not worrying if I have the perfect photo of each moment.

Being OK with no plan at all. Being very Type A, I generally even plan our downtime out. This year, I am going to work on feeling OK about days with no schedule, and allowing casual family days to just happen. Maybe we sleep in, maybe we only venture out to have lunch, whatever we do, we are doing it to together and on our timetable.

Allowing for “me time.” I am most guilty of never giving time for myself. I will plan a manicure, and within a few moments of mental guilt of taking time away from my family, quickly change my mind. This year, I will make time for me. It doesn’t have to be big, maybe its solo lunch with a friend, or an hour reading a book in a coffee shop, just something that is only for me.

These are my commitments to myself and my family to take back my schedule. Are you an over-scheduled family? How are you taking back your schedule this year?

I’m Tired of Being an Angry Mom: Six Steps to Change

By

Danielle S

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January 16, 2018

Since having kids something has changed in me. And it’s not good. While I know that parenthood is no walk in the park, I never expected my temper to take such a big hit. It’s hard to admit, but more days than not I let my anger get the best of me. I get angry quickly, and I become easily frustrated. I end up snapping at my kids (ages 2 and 4), or try everything in my might not to just scream (or swear). As a former preschool and elementary school teacher (and someone with a masters in early childhood education) you would think it wouldn’t be so hard. But, oh, I was wrong. So very, very, wrong.

I love my girls dearly, but all the fighting and whining is enough to make my head spin. The fighting starts, and it’s like I turn into the Hulk. All I see is red, and I can’t formulate a coherent thought. Once again, I know everything isn’t roses and rainbows, but I realize it’s something I need to work on. My oldest is starting to pick up on when I’m frustrated and gives me a hug (with an “I love you”), or ask “are you frustrated mommy? Why?” That friends, is like a dagger in me. I don’t want my girls to look back at their childhood and remember mom as constantly angry. Something has got to change.

As the saying goes, the first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one. So here it is. I’m an angry mom. While I understand anger isn’t something you can turn on and off with the flip of a switch, I know I can make changes to help me be more positive. Next month I will check back in to let you now how everything went!

One: Recite a mantra every morning (or when I feel close to losing it).

Full disclosure, I’ve never been one to meditate or recite mantras. I’m not really a sit in silence type of person, so it never appealed to me. However, I now understand that saying a mantra doesn’t mean you have to meditate. It can simply be a way to help you pause and better control how you respond to situations. My goal is to say this to myself in the morning, and whenever I feel my blood starting to boil.

“Breathe. I am a loving parent and can handle this in a calm manner”.

Two: Drink more water and eat healthy snacks

I get hangry. I know it, my husband knows it, even my in-laws know it. Why then, do I let myself go so long without eating? It does no one any good. When my girls have their snack, I too will have a snack. Staying hydrated will also be important. When I taught I did a stellar job of drinking water. I mean I would refill my Nalgene bottle 4-5 times a day. Now I’m lucky if I remember to drink 4-5 glasses of water. My goal? Drink at least eight glasses of water a day.

Three: Get some me time in

I am fortunate to live near my parents and my MIL, and they are incredibly helpful. They are always willing to babysit, or come with to long doctor appointments so I have company. Two times a month I will ask them to watch the girls so I can have some me time. Whether I go walk around Target sans kids, or have time to focus on a sewing project at home, it would be my time. It doesn’t even have to be all day, just a few hours can work wonders. I know that not everyone has family close by, but friends can work too. Take turns babysitting each other’s children so that one parent can have some alone time.

Four: Keep things clean

When my house becomes overly messy I get anxious. When I’m anxious I am much more likely to get frustrated and snap at my kids. Now, I don’t mean that my house needs to be in tip-top shape, but I’d like to believe that keeping it tidy will help my anger. This means staying on top of my kids cleaning up their mess. Doing the dishes right away rather than letting them pile up in the sink.

This one is hard, since as a blogger I rely on social media to reach my followers (and gain more followers). I also love that it is a way to stay connected to friends who live far away. However, I know that I’m not the only one who gets lost in scrolling through Facebook or Instagram. There has to be a healthy balance, and I have yet to find that. One thing I have already done is turn the social media notifications off on my phone. I am planning on limiting my reading of social media to during quiet time, before the kids wake up, or after they go to bed. I will still allow myself to post randomly throughout the day, but the scrolling will have to wait until later.

Six: More play dates

Play dates aren’t just for kids, they are super beneficial to parents too. Having adult interaction during the day can work wonders for your soul. I used to go to so many play dates when it was just one child, but the second one came, and life got busy and play dates slowly decreased. These play dates don’t have to be fancy. Simply invite friends over (or go to someone else’s house), let the kids play while you bond over mimosas, wine, beer, coffee.

So there you have it. The six changes I plan to make to be a less angry mom. My girls deserve it.

What about you? How do you stay calm as a parent?

S.A.D.? Yes – It’s a Real Thing

By

dianaabdallah

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January 15, 2018

Seasonal Affective Disorder. Yes, it’s a real thing.

The holidays are over, the chaos is down to simmer, but I feel funky. The days are dragging and all I want to do is lounge around in my Victoria Secret Pink hoodie and joggers. There certainly isn’t enough coffee in the world that could salvage my mood. Its dark outside, so that means its bedtime, but wait, its only 5pm and I just got home from getting my son from daycare. However, I still have to cook dinner, do the dishes, bath time, read bedtime books, and then it’s Vinny’s bedtime. After all that, I still have adulting to do: laundry, write my blog post, read books for book club, clean the house, mop the floors, and maybe get some in some Netflix time. Gosh, I wish I could just sit outside and grill dinner while Vinny burns energy running in the yard, but nope, its dark and cold!

One day last winter, I went to see my therapist and she finally said, “Diana, I believe you have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) because last year and this year your mood has been identical.” I remember seeing commercials for this and thought it was just another pharmaceutical gimmick. I can’t believe I actually have this disorder. I legit got in my car and sobbed. I couldn’t believe that I have another issue to add to my long list, however, it makes complete sense. Once I got home I hit up Dr. Google and Wikipedia to research this SAD diagnosis. My moods seem to be the same listed on the pages and pages of explanations. Some of the mood changes can be sluggish, fatigue, decreased energy, mood swings, anxiety, irritability, and appetite changes. Another name for SAD is “The Winter Blues” because it coincides with the seasons changing from spring and summer to fall and winter, aka the sunlight decreases.

There is some belief that it is just a mood change, however, this isn’t accurate and the only way to truly know is to see your doctor or ask your therapist.

This year I have paid close attention to the way my personal mood was when we had the recent time change. Here are a few ideas that help reduce the symptoms of SAD:

Open the blinds and let the sunshine in your home. Yes, its cold as heck out but letting the sunshine in the home will make you feel better.
Make time for yourself. Yes, being selfish is hard sometimes, but it helps to keep your mood high. Go out with your girlfriends or go on a date. Go get a manicure or get your hair done. Anything that makes you feel good.
Purchase a light box. It has great research showing that sitting in front of a light within an hour of waking helps relieve SAD symptoms.
Work out. It has been proven time and time again that physical activity is a mood enhancer and stress reducer.
Pay attention to your food intake. I hate “diets” and I love carbs, but I am focusing more on my fruits and vegetables. I know overdoing the junk will just make my SAD worse.

If you know have SAD, what are you doing to help yourself during the winter months? Do you feel that you need to make some adjustments to keep your SAD at bay?

My Struggle to Teach Acceptance

By

Amy W.

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January 14, 2018

I am a white woman, with a white husband, living in a predominately white neighborhood. I grew up in a city that others referred to as “Sterling Whites.” I’m proud of where I grew up, but as the nickname indicates, it was pretty lacking in diversity at the time. I always believed that all people are equal, and to be honest, discrimination didn’t seem real to me because I never saw it. Everyone was the same, so nobody was discriminated against. I didn’t think much of it until I attended school at a large university in New York and saw true diversity; I learned so much in such a short period of time. The only thing I regret is that it took me until my twenties to obtain that knowledge.

My family lives in a different suburb than where I grew up, and it is more diverse than I ever remember my neighborhood to be. At the same time I know it isn’t diverse enough. My children need to know that being different from us is ok, and that no matter what, we are all people. But they also need to know that the road that many others travel isn’t as easy as theirs, and that they need to work to make that better.

So how do I expose my kids to diversity – in an organic and natural way? How do I make them understand what discrimination is and why it is so horrifying? What can I do to teach them that we can’t be color blind or religion blind or custom blind, but that we must embrace and learn and respect those that are different from us?

Like any good mother, when I didn’t know what to do, I went to the internet. I read many articles and studies on the topic. The data is pretty clear: tolerance and acceptance must be taught, it begins at home and it is never too early to start. Parents need to talk about differences with their kids and let them know that being different races or religions or different anything is ok. All of the articles I read indicated that while talking about differences is a good start, it isn’t enough. Much like everything else parents must teach, children have to see you exhibit openness to all and acceptance of diversity. Then parents have to allow children the opportunity to do so themselves.

I thought talking to my kids about people of other races and religions would be easy. Boy was I wrong. It was uncomfortable and awkward and overdue. Both boys were shocked that a belief or physical appearance could affect how people are treated. I told them slavery was so bad that we had a war over it. I explained that at one time, women couldn’t drive or vote, so if we had lived a long time ago, I couldn’t take them to school. I relayed the bravery of Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. I pointed out how some of their friends are physically different than them, but that they like the same things and have fun together.

I felt like I had no business telling my kids about discrimination or how it hurts. As I spoke, it seemed that my simple words could never accurately depict the disgusting repugnance that is discrimination. But I pressed on. I forced the discussion; I gave relatable hypotheticals and age appropriate truths. I told them that discrimination could mean they had to sit at a different table at lunch because they had brown eyes. Or that someone might not want them on their team because we believe in God.

I answered their questions honestly and I promised them that I would never get mad at them for asking a question about differences between people, if they asked in a respectful way. But I knew that one discussion wasn’t enough; it had to be ongoing. So it continues, a little more honesty and a little less awkward each time.

According to my research, the next step is to exhibit acceptance and allow them the opportunity to do the same. This is even more difficult and quite frankly, I am at a loss. A few of their neighborhood friends are minorities, but that certainly isn’t enough. We visit urban areas and other immigrant heavy cities, but is that enough? I make it a point to check out children’s books where the main characters are different from us. I don’t know what else I can do. I can visit more places and do more things, but is that enough? Is there ever enough?

At times, the burden of what I want them to learn is overwhelming. I have to remind myself that I am doing the best I can and that it took me decades to learn what I want my six year old to know. But if I’m being honest with myself, I can do more.

Have We Reached the Perfect Age?

By

Lacey Salerno

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January 11, 2018

We all have that one older relative who says, “savor every minute because it goes so fast.” If you are like me, you may have wanted to offer up your brood to this relative for an extended weekend so they could get a healthy dose reality since they have obviously forgotten. I am right there in the trenches with you: two young kids, full time job, house to manage, a life too busy to really “savor.” Then recently I read an article about the “golden age of parenting”.

I thought, um . . . does such an age exist? Being the curious sort, I read on and it described this magical golden age as the years between when all of your kids have exited diapers, and before they are dating or driving. I stopped to think for a moment, is this it? My youngest is about to turn 3, and has been potty trained for some time. My oldest is 6, and pretty self sufficient. Am I actually in this magical “Golden Age” where parenting is FINALLY getting easier?

Okay, let’s review:

• Do I need a diaper bag to leave the house? No
• Can we eat in a restaurant (without being asked to leave)? Yes
• Am I concerned about them ingesting poison? No
• Are they likely to jump out of a moving vehicle? No
• Can they manage basic life skills solo? Yes
• Do I have to stress about hormones and mood swings? No
• Do I have to stress about vehicular issues? No
• Do I have to manage a curfew? No
• Are they fairly rational and coherent? Most of the time

Yep, seems to check out.

I have to admit, life has gotten markedly easier in the last few months or so. We can actually leave the house on time. They can put on their shoes, buckle their seat belts, manage their bathroom habits, get themselves a snack, wash themselves in the shower, and get themselves dressed. I can host a party at my house without needing to be on top of two kid’s whereabouts every second. I can decorate for the holidays without worrying that everything will get broken. They aren’t really moody or sassy, and haven’t yet developed their eye rolling skills.

Do we still have meltdowns to navigate? Sure, but less frequently. Am I still responsible for 90% of their daily needs? Absolutely, but I do get to shower and sleep now and then, which is awesome!

What I am realizing even more is that they are finally fun! All of those things I have been doing for the last 6 years hoping that they were having a good time, while secretly dreading every second of, are now actually something my husband and I look forward to (no one actually likes pumpkin picking, parade watching, or Christmas light viewing with two screaming toddlers in tow). My little ones are truly enjoying things that we have been putting so much effort into doing for years, and making all the hassle worth it. The best part is that their little personalities are really emerging, and we love the little people they are becoming.

That’s not to say that we don’t have our trying days, but for the most part I think we have turned the corner into the easier years with our kids before all the high school angst and chaos begins. While I thoroughly enjoyed the baby days and toddler years, where we are at right now really is the good stuff. Magic is real, nothing is impossible, everything is new to them, and the difficult realities of life haven’t’ made them jaded. I am so glad that I was able to recognize it before I missed it because this just might be the perfect age!

To My Firstborn, I See You

By

daniellealexander

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January 10, 2018

As I waited for the Pitocin to kick in, countless thoughts raced through my head: how long will labor be this time around? How badly will it hurt? Will he be a good sleeper? Am I a horrible mom for not even attempting nursing this time around?

What didn’t even COME to mind was the fact that in less than two days, I would not be me, you would not be you, and– most importantly– we would no longer be just us.

To my firstborn,

I see you.

Acknowledging how inseparable you and I have been these last 2.5 years, my goal upon leaving the hospital was to focus my attention on you since, as long as his basic needs are met, your brother can’t recognize the difference yet.

But it has been HARD. As much as I wanted everything to be “normal” for you when we came home, life, as I know you’ve noticed, could not be anymore different.

“Mama, please take me potty!” “I can’t lift you right now, Bud.”

“Mama, take shower with me!” “I wish, but I still have owies from the hospital, Baby Girl.”

“Mama, hold me.” “I can’t hold you and the baby at the same time, Sweetie.”

You say nothing, but your little face says it all. Especially on the days where I only get a couple hours of sleep the night before, and, like you’ve witnessed, I become a monster.

“Can you please stop dropping your Cheddar Bunnies all over the place?” “I’m sorry, Mama. Want you happy again, OK?”

“Why do you ALWAYS need to use the bathroom when I’m feeding your brother?” “I have to go pee-pee and not want accident on floor. Not want you have to clean it up, Mama.”

“Honey, I don’t have time to read you a book right now. Your brother is crying, and I need to get dinner going.” “But Mama, just one book in big-girl bed with me. Please, Mama? Don’t you love special book time with me, Mama?”

Man, I miss you.

As much as I’d love to squeeze and snuggle you when you come into our room at 11 p.m., 3 a.m., and 5:30 a.m., I sleep better knowing you’re sleeping.

Even though it pains me to watch you gravitate more toward Daddy lately, I feel content knowing that he is able to give you the love and attention you deserve right now.

Regardless of the fact that we currently get only a couple hours alone each week, those 120 minutes full of chats, hugs, and giggles recharge me for whatever the week ahead brings.

I am SO incredibly proud of you.

Between big-girl beds, big-girl panties, and big-girl school, I don’t know how you’ve managed to also become such an amazing big sister.

Ever since we have become a family of four, you have done everything you possibly can to help your brother and me. Please know, that no matter how overwhelmed I am and how unresponsive I may presently seem, your shoes on, toys put away, and hands washed without me asking has not gone unnoticed.

I will never, EVER stop loving you.

Hoping to return to a similar version of the “old-me” soon,

Mama

Life Without “Dr. Google”

By

JeeYoung W.

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January 9, 2018

When my oldest son was 7 months old, he had his first head collision against his bookshelf. Call the doctor! Let’s go the ER! I was overwhelmed with the fury of a thousand suns, as I wiped his bleeding gums. Is that normal? Look it up on Google! When will the bleeding stop? Look it up on Google!

Shocked? Dazed? Confused?

I get you mama. I am right there with you. Reading the latest new trend in parenting, what {not} to do and forever Googling every random symptom or mark that shows up on any of my boys throughout the happy chaos that is our daily life.

After my due diligence on Dr.Google, I rest assured that he was okay. While I was proud of myself for not racing over to the ER, I felt an overwhelming need to take away his pain. The anguish you feel as a parent when you see your child hurt is indescribable and at most times, unbearable. And maybe that’s the reprieve that Dr.Google provides me. The resolution of that feeling of helplessness through searching for answers, albeit inconclusive or wrong answers at times.

I guess I’m a true millennial in the sense that I literally swear my life on all things Google. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I think it’s become more of the latter as I get further into my motherhood journey.

You see, my husband who is only two years older, and technically also in the same generation of millennial parents, is the complete opposite of me when it comes to most things related to technology and the online world. He’s not really into social media, he doesn’t read or Google every topic. Outside of his work, he uses the internet minimally to read his online newspaper and stay up-to-date on the financial markets.

I know, I know, it doesn’t make sense since I’m all over the WWW and everything associated with it as part of my day job, and as a blogger. What can I say? I love all things associated with the digital world. I love the information that is out there at a moment’s notice. I love the relationships and communities I’ve cultivated with moms and dads from all over the country and world. There’s so many wonderful aspects to the digital world we live in today.

But, when it comes to daily parenting, I have come to the realization that my husband may be onto something major: Dr. Google isn’t always best.

When we come across something with our boys, he likes to ask other parents in his surroundings. Whether it’s our own parents, my mother-in-law who is a retired nurse, some of our best friends, and also coworkers who are in the thick of this parenting little ones phase of life. He likes to talk through our options and rely on each other’s opinions and instincts to make a decision together. Sure, when one of our kids wakes up in the middle of night with a random rash we’ve never seen before, he’ll randomly consult Dr. Google to see what he can come up with as a diagnosis. But, for the most part, that’s it.

I, on the other hand, find myself over informed with the latest new study on children. The littlest mark on my baby’s skin launches my deep search into the interwebs, resulting in every single, medical diagnosis possible short of cancer {and sometimes, even that too.} I’ll read a random article as I peruse my Facebook feed and find myself down a rabbit hole of this side or that side of the mommy wars. I start rambling off to my husband about how we need to do this or that because if we don’t, it’ll be a detriment to our children. When I ask him for an opinion, I often find myself leading with, ‘hey so I read this today online….”

It’s so great that we live in the informational age of quick, easy access to millions of websites, studies, and articles. But, I think it may serve some of us well to step back a bit. To trust our natural, parenting instincts, to consult medically trained pediatricians who care for our children, and to converse with our partner on parenting decisions that affect our children directly.

The freedom that this gives my hyperactive mama brain is reason enough that I’ve put pause on Googling ALLTHETHINGS for the time being. I’m glad that Google is always there, whenever I need it to provide a response to a random mom question that pops up in my continuous train of thought. But, for now, I’m trying to live life without Dr. Google. And no lie, I’m breathing a little bit better and more freely already.

It’s a Morning Miracle!

By

allysondunn

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January 8, 2018

I am not sure about you but the end of the year is always so crazy! Between the constant celebrations and regular life it never seems to end. I can’t be entering a new year feeling like this!

My 2018 resolution is to make mini-mom life miracles happen! How you ask? Through consistently using the plan found in, The Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod. I know, I know . . . really, miracles? Making miracles happen?! But hear me out! This book is all about creating a morning routine through affirmations, visualizations, and planning. A big push to realize your full potential and shift your mind out of being, what the author refers to as, mediocre.

Coffee, well-worn copy of The Miracle Morning, journal- Let’s get this morning started!

To create your “level 10” life that the book describes, there are basic ideas to implement:

Start believing you are worthy.
To stop settling and create the time to do the work.

When it comes to creating the time, The Miracle Morning is very specific about when that should happen. It is recommended to find the time before 8AM. This is fundamental to planning and organizing your day so you can conquer it all, whatever that means to you!

This is the hardest part of this process is getting up earlier. If you are like me, that means getting up between 4:30-5:00AM. Luckily, there is a whole section of the book dedicated to how to make the early wake-up a habit. (And countless life hacks found online.)

Now, the work to make those mom-life miracles happen. It’s all about the Life SAVERS and the right notebook. I use little blank journals, but you might prefer your phone. SAVERS are the step-by-step process for implementing self-change. I write it vertically in my journal- and fill in responses for the day from there.

S- SILENCE. You guys, silence, pure, blissful silence. Sitting in the quiet, using the time to meditate, breathe, just be at peace before the craziness of the day takes over. Typically, this last about 1-5 minutes for me. I love mediating app’s to guide me and help me focus.

A-Affirmations. Regulate that self-talk. Infuse positive thinking into your conscious. Pick a phrase, write it, repeat it. Fake it until you make it (I know I do. . . ) The Spirit Junkie App is great for finding affirmations!

My morning affirmation from the Spirit Junkie App

V-Visualizations. Basically, daydream. What would your life look like if all your dreams came true? What challenge do you want to conquer, how would it feel and look like?

E-Exercise. A quick workout right away in the morning, not only does help us wake up, but provides mental clarity and energy we crave throughout the day. Do a full workout, quick yoga series or pop in T25. Whatever gets you moving.

R-Reading. Bring on all the personal development books. Take about 5-15 minutes to read. When selecting your text, think with the end in mind. What do you want to get out of the reading? I personally love using this time to read books by Gabby Bernstein, like the Universe Has Your Back.

S-Scribing. Last, but not least, take 5-10 minutes and write. Get the worries, concerns or excitement on paper.

With The Miracle Morning, you are carving out time each day for personal development. Taking time to fill up your cup, before you fill your coffee cup. This is my “me time” and version of self-care. The best part, you have the ability to change it to fit your needs and goals.These simple steps, once a habit help me start my day feeling centered, less crazed and ready to take on the day.

Have you read The Miracle Morning? What do you include in your morning routine?

Top 5 Ways to Stay Positive in 2018

By

jennifermcgruther

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January 7, 2018

That’s a wrap for 2017! Now we get a break, right?! Good one!

A mama’s life is crazy. That’s a fact. Responsibility, multi-tasking, stress, and anxiety are some elements that easily encompass the daily life of every mom. It’s a thankless job that often can be overwhelming. So very worth it, but still hard.

We here at Detroit Moms Blog want to get 2018 off to a great start. We ALL know firsthand life is demanding and complicated and challenging. We also know it can be wonderful and rewarding and amazing. Although we all come from our own perspective and our stories are in different chapters, we as a group, have come to the conclusion that we must continue to be a positive force in your non-stop beautiful lives. It is one part of our mission.

Now that 2018 is in full-swing, for myself and for you, I’m thinking about how to approach the day, the month, or even the year (that reminds me of a certain theme song). My eyes always open in the morning with the best of intentions. But, oh my, how quickly it can change. Just ask my husband.

As the New Year begins and we are being pulled from here to there and back again I’d like to give you, the lovely and loyal readers of DMB, five suggestions on how to stay positive in 2018. I am no expert. I have no great psychology sources to cite for you today. I can only speak from my experience, and some of this you may even construe as common sense. But still, we can all benefit from heartfelt reminders.

These are the top 5 ways I believe will encourage you to lead a more positive life this coming year.

Take a break from social media. It’s always there waiting for us. I love it, but it can be a huge distraction and temptation from the good stuff in our own life. For so many reasons (no need to even explain them), there comes a point where you have to shut it down. Social media can suck life and time from you. Like ants at a picnic, we are curiously drawn to what will show up when our screens are refreshed. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always leave us with that warm fuzzy feeling. When you’ve reached the point where you’re ready to start twitching, do yourself a favor and just stop swiping.

Be Kind. You know what does leave you with the warm fuzzy feeling? Kindness. It seems like such a simple concept, but without fail, it feels good. In this world of head-down-chaos, simple acts go far. Make your day, or just a moment, mean something to someone. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking. Pay it forward. Make that phone call. Offer to reach the top shelf. Say please, thank you, and have a good day. Go out of your way. Be thoughtful.

Search for something to be thankful for. You know that quote, “There is always something to be thankful for.” It’s true. You don’t have to be sitting down ready to eat turkey and mashed potatoes to count your blessings, as you know deep down they really are abundant. Your life could be a complete and utter disaster, but no matter how small, you can always find a diamond in the rough.

Get to your own idea of being organized. For me, this is an important one. I am not saying you need to get out the label maker or hire Molly Maid. But, in theory, your home should not add to the weight of the day. It’s your refuge; your safe place. It should be somewhere you want to settle in, rather than another place you dread. Allowing yourself to decompress in an inviting and comfortable space does wonder for your attitude, your mind, and your heart.

Surround yourself with those that build you up, and do the same for them. This is where common sense comes in. Life is too short. Seek out and embrace the people who nourish, rather than a cloud of toxins. You know who they are. Hold on to them. Appreciate them. Love them. Their instincts are to enhance your life, not break it down. With them in your corner, the idea of focusing on the good might be just a little easier. And of course, return the sentiment.

We desperately need more positivity in our lives. Should we invite it in, it is possible to choose joy, even when everything around us screams not to. Let’s combat this year together mamas and make this world shine a little brighter.

Do you have any thoughts, plans, or suggestions on how to stay positive in 2018?

Did Kids Turn Me Into a Mean Girl?

By

kellyhouseman

-

January 4, 2018

Last week I somehow managed to make it to a morning barre class despite having yet another sleepless night with my sick toddler. A very nice, very put together lady sitting next to me flashed a million dollar smile and let out a cheerful “good morning.” To my horror, I kind of just gave her a glazed over glance and didn’t respond. At all. No smile back. No “oh thanks you too.” That’s when I wondered am I the mean girl now?

Did this sweet angel take all of my manners?

I swear up and down that I was so much nicer before I had kids. I woke up refreshed, energized and probably smiled at strangers. I made plans and kept them and looked forward to cramming my schedule with nights out and dates. Rest assured that I am not suddenly now intentionally being an anti-social witch. Referring to myself as mean now probably isn’t even the right word. I am more checked out of reality.

Back to my barre class example. It wasn’t like I hoped that lady didn’t have a good morning or was annoyed she was choosing to exchange pleasantries. I was so tired from not sleeping for years straight its almost like conversations don’t register anymore. I was in such a drowsy fog by the time I realized she was striking up a conversation the class started and I felt like a jerk. I tend to zone out when people are talking to me, especially my poor husband. Nodding along and multi-tasking is not the way to work on communication skills I know.

This is happening with a frequency I hate to even calculate. My patience for small talk is almost zero when I typically liked to hear about other people and get to know them. The bank teller asking me how my day is going makes me panic that I won’t be able to get to my next appointment lest I spent a precious few more minutes really telling them. The grocery clerk asking my opinion on sea salt dark chocolate caramels (who really needs my opinion though seriously the answer is YES) makes it that much longer until I can get home and hold my little guy again.

Traffic makes me rage, people asking questions in meetings that have already been answered, people using the self-scan when you have an entire cart full of groceries and there is a huge line behind them. I can come up with a million examples of how my patience is tested daily. Sadly my mean usually peeks out.

For my new years resolution I choose to be more present, more mindful, more here, more pleasant. Taking the time to say hi to someone, making that small talk or really listening to what my husband is saying. I know I am tired and stressed and have a million things going on in my head but maybe this will help me feel less stressed? Maybe avoiding this human interaction to “help” my stress has really been making it worse? I am not a mean girl, maybe its time I start acting like it? No matter how tired I am. Lets meet up at Starbucks and work on this together ok?

Detroit Mom

This Year I Take My Schedule Back: My Year to Smell the Roses

I’m Tired of Being an Angry Mom: Six Steps to Change

One: Recite a mantra every morning (or when I feel close to losing it).