My name is Tambari Wikina. There’s a long story behind the meaning of my name, but in short, it means Work of God. I also go by Tammy, as that was my nickname from birth. I’m a bit all over the place as far as interests go, and that’s because I’m finding new hobbies in my 30s that I never experienced thus far.
It’s how I grew up. My parents and grandparents on my mother’s side always exposed us to new things–especially places, things, and foods that people who looked like us wouldn’t typically be involved with. I took on that mentality of curiosity and adventure. And so with that, my interests and hobbies include but are not limited to:
- Food: Cooking, baking, eating. I want to try all cuisines.
- Travel: Local, national, and international. I travel to experience new cultures and learn the history, food, entertainment, etc. I also travel to explore nature because I truly believe God is an artist and this earth is His canvas. These days I’m learning to travel for relaxation because adulting is hard and step motherhood is even harder.
- Music: I love performing music, specifically singing. I play a few instruments as well, but that’s more of a private thing. I also love listening to live acts from a small scale to stadium arenas.
- Dance: I actually take adult jazz dance classes and perform in Broadway-like productions locally. My expertise is Hip-Hop and Afrobeats.
- Theatre: Invite me to a theatre show and I will always say yes!
- Photography and videography: I used to be a part time freelance photographer specializing in portrait and journalistic photography. Videography is more of a hobby and I have a YouTube channel.
- Gardening: This is relatively new. I started learning how to plant vegetables three years ago and my garden has been growing ever since.
Alright, I think I’ll stop there. But with all these hobbies, what do I do for a living? I’m glad you asked. I’m currently a project engineer and aspiring entrepreneur working on an app. I also do content creation on the side.
How Does She Do It All?
It definitely seems like I have a lot on my plate, and I do. And if I’m not careful I will burnout, like a lot of moms do. So I’m a big advocate for taking care of oneself. This year specifically, I am making solo time for myself to do the things I enjoy. I started taking fitness classes and dance classes to help my mind and body. I’m making time for my friends on the weekends with things like brunch, dinner, workout classes, etc. And most importantly, I’m taking an actual rest day on at least one weekend each month with no to-do list days. My goal is to have one rest day each week.
It’s important to take care of yourself as the mom in your household because not only do you deserve it, but so do your partner and/or kid(s). I’m actually a stepmom to an incredible second grader. My husband has shared custody, so I’m in fulltime mom mode every week but 50 percent of the year. It’s extremely complicated, but my stepson makes it all worthwhile. By God’s grace, I’ll have my own kids and my stepson can be the big brother he desires to be.
Living in Metro Detroit
My stepson is the reason my husband and I still live in Metro Detroit. As I mentioned, we share custody with his mom and aren’t willing to give it up. Here’s a little backstory of how I ended up in Detroit: I’m a London-born Nigerian who moved to Atlanta as teenager. I spent the majority of my young adult life in the south and grew accustomed to the culture. My career brought me to Metro Detroit and love has kept me here.
It was a bit of a culture shock, but after almost nine years, I’m finally adapting. Winters are still hard. However, I did spend a lot of my time outdoors this winter. I’m definitely looking forward to summer. I love summers and fall in Michigan. I live in Rochester where there’s always some festival going on during the summer and fall period. My favorite spots are Paint Creek Trail in the summer and Yates Cider Mill, which is on the trail, in the fall. My husband’s family also has a lake house that I love visiting during the summer season. Speaking of lakes . . . Lake Michigan during summer is always a vibe. My goal one of these summers is to visit the UP and reach Lake Superior!
Mom vs. Stepmom
Okay, back to motherhood. I’m in a situation where I don’t wholly feel like a mother. As I mentioned, I am a stepmom. As great of a relationship I have with my son . . . he is my stepson. It’s a different type of relationship than mother and child. I know this because I have been pregnant four times now. While the pregnancies were unsuccessful, the attachment I had to those babies was more intense and intimate than what I have towards my stepson. This realization has been one of the most defining moments of motherhood for me. I’m my child’s bonus mom. And honestly, being a stepmom comes with intense and intricate emotions and feelings. And that’s where community comes in.
I’m blessed enough to have created and participated in positive and encouraging stepmom and blended family communities. It makes your situation not seem so unique. There’s validation in knowing that there are others who understand what you’re going through because they’ve walked in similar shoes. Being a part of a community has made life easier to navigate. And through my community of stepmoms, I have come to realize that there is an unfortunate great divide between stepmoms and biological moms. And it all comes down to lack of understanding and/or sympathy.
Why I Joined Detroit Mom
So my main intention with sharing my story and opinions through Detroit Mom is to bridge that gap. I want to give a voice to stepmoms who are ignored, invalidated, and struggling. My goal is to show society that stepmoms play vital roles in the upbringing of many children. Because stepmoms are bonus moms, my goal is also to convince moms in blended families that there can and should be harmony with the other woman. And by the other woman . . . I mean the stepmom.
The unfortunate truth is that blended families are becoming more common, including the existence of stepmoms. It’s time for society to adjust. Of course, I want to share my experiences and encouragement as a mom to moms in the Metro Detroit community. I also want to learn and grow as a mom because I too need help. At the end of the day, we’re all in this together. And if we want to succeed, it truly does take a village.
Tammy,
Good to see you sharing your talents with Detroit Mom. Your experiences, perspectives and understanding will shine through your wonderful ability to put them in writing and share with others. It was a joy to find this on FB today. Good luck!