There is nothing more humbling than motherhood. The challenges I encountered as a new mother, along with the ones I continue to face, have both contributed to my growth. Each season brings its own challenges, and there is never a point of arrival in motherhood. But there is always a space for grace.
I’ll never forget being pregnant with my first and eating spaghetti with my husband at one of our favorite restaurants. I was well into my third trimester, feeling like a walking balloon and very hormonal. A party of people sat near us–kids all at one end, and adults at the other. I quickly noticed the adults laughing and saw the kids all playing on their devices.
I distinctly remember unfairly judging them in this moment. Absolutely not, I thought to myself. I looked at my husband and proclaimed, “I will never allow that.” He looked back confused, because of course he was just enjoying his meal and not scrutinizing the other guests.
“Look! See those kids? I will never allow our kid to just play on his device while out to eat. Why aren’t those parents engaging with their kids? It’s just sad.” Being the patient man he is, and not wanting to ruffle any of my hormonal feathers, my husband nodded in agreement. But I think we both knew I was being harsh.
As I whispered my judgments to my husband, I remember giving a look of disapproval to one of the mothers at the table. I cringe at my behavior at the restaurant to this day. Thankfully, motherhood knocked some sense (okay, maybe a lot of sense) into me.
Hindsight + Grace
I’ve come to realize that most times, until we are in the situation ourselves, we truly don’t get it. To look at another mom and think–I am her and she is me. When I reflect on my judgments that day, I try to give myself some grace. Now that I am a mother myself, I understand why the kids sat at the end of the table.
Those adults needed adult time, they needed to decompress, they needed to laugh together. Who knows how many hours that weekend they already spent engaged with their children, exhausted due to parenthood. And frankly, what they were all doing at that table wasn’t any of my business.
Hindsight is 20/20. Before I had children I just didn’t know. I didn’t know a hot meal could make all the difference for a new mom. I didn’t know holding a newborn so her momma could take a shower could mean the world. I didn’t know that sleep would one day be considered a luxury. I didn’t know that sometimes tantrums happen because a mom refuses to give in to her child. I didn’t know how much pressure mothers put on themselves every single day. I didn’t know that most mothers are trying their best. I just didn’t know.
Knowing Better + Being Better
I wish I would have realized that mothers judge themselves daily for not measuring up to society’s standards–this internal judgement being far deeper than any stranger staring in disbelief at a restaurant. So many things I didn’t know until I suddenly became her–the mother, myself. And whew, did this realization knock me off my feet.
I often wish I could go back and change how I reacted to so many different situations, especially that night at the restaurant. However, changing the past is not an option. But I can vow to be better moving forward because I know better. Motherhood is humbling, am I right?
Growth + Understanding
When people who aren’t parents proclaim things to me, I try to give them grace as well. They just don’t get it, and they won’t fully get it unless they have children one day. And that’s okay; I once was them. And usually, more times than not, the person’s heart means well.
Of course, having a device-free conversation with children is wonderful. But as a mom I now know that everything can be measured in moderation, and adult time is sometimes necessary.
I bet all that laughing and great conversation those parents were having back in the day ended up having a positive impact on their kids. Why? Because those moms were taking care of themselves and their mental health by having adult time. And now as a mother myself, I know that a mom who is filled up can pour out even more.
Once we have children, we empathize differently, we understand differently, and we see all the other mommas before and after us in a new light. I truly believe mothers can be the most understanding group that exists; because when a woman becomes a mother, all are welcome at the table, devices or not.
Such a great perspective. Motherhood really does give us a different outlook on life. And religious an understanding of how different each person, each family, each child is… the cool thing about recognizing these lessons as as your child grow, you actually get to install that wisdom in them. Love
it ❤️